Reviews for Paradise Online
The Last Artisan chapter 1 . 4/3/2015
Hey, if you're not gonna work on this story, can I work on it in your place?
360pages chapter 2 . 10/11/2014
I get the feeling that this is the introduction to our main character pretty much. You set up the back story and scenario for the start and the characters pretty good. Though honestly not a whole lot happened this chapter, which is fine.
Rogue Melody Angel chapter 3 . 9/23/2014
Please update soon, this is good!
360pages chapter 1 . 9/22/2014
I wouldn't mind some more overall details to the story, like with impacts and more descriptions of the areas and body language. Just to give us the reader more awareness of the surroundings. Hmm I also noticed you separate into new paragraphs rather often. You usually only do that when a new character is either talking or doing an action. But if it's the same character doing the action then you keep it as one unless the paragraph is getting far too long.
McMicah chapter 1 . 9/20/2014
I like it so far. It shows quite a bit of promise, and based on first impressions, is going to be a lighter story than mine. I'll be checking up on this often.
Upon the Wings of Angels chapter 3 . 9/19/2014
O.o This...I love this. Don't worry, you don't have a Sue.

UPDATE PLEASE!
Lily Miichelle123 chapter 1 . 3/27/2014
OMG! I LOVE IT! TOTALLY AWESOME! I LOVE THIS STORY! PLEASE WRITE MORE! XD oops sorry for the caps lol XD
Sepha chapter 1 . 3/27/2014
Another VR game like mine? Seems legit.

Your chracters are by far one of the best I've seen in a long time. Good main character (so far) and good supporting characters (again, so far). I guess I need a better line drawn between NPCs and real people (because the NPCs are that realistic).
Score: 4.8 out of 5

I literally couldn't find any mistakes. Good job!
Score: 5 out of 5

VR stories can be really good, or really bad depending on how you execute it. I hope the former is true for this story.

First Chapter Score: 4.7 out of 5
Recommendation: Follow, since there's only one chapter.