|Reviews for The Divine Legends|
| J chapter 3 . 11/14/2018
I really like this idea, as a reader and as an author.
| Maria chapter 1 . 1/27/2015
I have no experience in world building, or indeed this genre, but I'm happy to comment.
The piece does have a storytelling feel to it, and yes, your style make me feel as if I'm being led into a world that is very old, and that I'm being given the early history of how it came to be, and who was important at that time.
Regards the writing, I feel it is over written in places, some of your sentences have follow on sentences delivering the same words. You don't need to over elaborate, and by culling some words, and combining some sentences, the reader will still get the information, but the prose will be more powerful. I'd look at going through each sentence and seeing if you can take words out, but still deliver. Take your first paragraph and the opening few sentences, you have written:
Before even time existed, there was a void in the universe. The gods saw the void and agreed it must be filled. They all joined forces in order to create a world that they could populate with followers.
I would change to:
Before time existed, there was a void in the universe, the Gods saw this, and agreed it must be filled. So they joined forces in order to create a world they could populate with followers.
Watch out for the dreaded adverbs ending in 'ly' too. Use them but don't abuse them, find alternatives for some of these, or cull them altogether. Finally, newly, nearly, eventually, bravely, jointly, proportionally.
Hope this helps.