Reviews for Semtex
tstul006 chapter 1 . 4/6/2014
So I liked the characters. I mean they were well developed. Semtex is so broken and damaged after what happened to his father. And his mother is as well. You showed that clearly and I was really liking that they at least had eachother umm...

The ending was unexpected and it made me hate the mother. I didn't realize she was that broken. So if the point was to shock the reader you did a good job of it. I'm shocked.

Anyway, you have a talent for creating characters so kudos.

RG ef
Ventracere chapter 1 . 4/6/2014
"He had wore for the past..." Should it be "he had worn"?

This is a mysteriously dark piece, and I'm not sure exactly what to think of it. On one hand it details the life of a mother who wants her son to be happy, while on the other hand, it tells the story of a man who is stuck in time. I feel sorry for the both of them, and for the unnamed condition Semtex seems to suffer from. The simplistic style you use to convey both sides of the coin helps to portray as well as convey the simple conflict.

Mrs. Daley is well aware her son is trouble, and I love the line, "where did things go wrong" and then go on in the same exact sentence to say: this is what happened. Semtex is a pyromaniac, and in a sense, that's a symbol of his temper. It flares up with a little trigger just like his hand on his matches, a small, but well implied metaphor.

Good job!
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 1 . 4/6/2014
...This was an extremely interesting piece O_o. Well, I like your descriptive writing - it's very vivid and definitely pulls me into the story. It’s not too difficult to get too, which I appreciate too. I especially liked your descriptions of the boy's habits, because you had some pretty lines there. But anyhow, what I really ‘like’ or appreciate, better said, is the twist ending; this story, like all of your others ends on a very unexpected note. I like that I can never expect what's going to happen? This story kept me on my toes, and I'm kind of thinking whether I should re-read, if only to understand what the frick is going on ...

(And yeah, whatever I was expecting...wasn't incest lol. So I'm not sure I can say 'like' because this was just a squicky thing to read, but well, I was definitely surprised? XD.)

One thing you definitely got well across was just the sheer WTFness of the situation, and the absurdity - it was weird but still scary, and well, I'm still not really sure what else I'm supposed to say, other than this was an interesting ...piece _
deadaccount2019 chapter 1 . 4/2/2014
There are a number of times where the story would benefit from trimming down sentences, or at least including pauses such as semicolons or em dashes. The most notable for me was the backstory paragraphs on how highschoolers treat Semtex and when his life went haywire. Some editing and restructuring would really help improve the tension and flow.

The story has a fairly dreary feel about it that I felt played very well into the climax. In retrospect, there are a lot of warning flags that the relationship between Mrs Daley and Semtex is unhealthy, but the mild pyromania is such a red herring that it was easy to overlook the other signs, and made the tension surrounding Mrs Daley's change all the more powerful.

I also love that you end on the "Snap..." It's a very ambiguous note that can be interpreted in a number of ways, which in turns leaves the reader wonder who is the one to really snap, and how that snap manifests.
IAmButAWindow chapter 1 . 4/1/2014
D: Dude...everyone's favorite horrified Window here to do another review.
Dude...this hurt to read. Not because it was poorly written, but because...it hurt. Oh my gosh. Dude. I have not had this many emotions from a read for a long, long time. Seriously, that's...incredible. It's terrible to read, but really makes me think about the suffering of others. Makes me remember to be nice to people, cuz we never know what they're going through.

The way it ended. With a snap. A snap of the lighter. Or a snap of his mind? It brings me to a very somber place. To think that if there was somebody who'd have been his friend, things might have been different. Again, in real life, we so often ignore those that aren't really "worth talking to" or stuff because they're "weird", "different" or something of equal stupidity to think. Maybe, if that person had a friend that really listened and cared, that someone wouldn't have killed themselves.

This story makes me want to go hug my family, tell my friends I appreciate them, and go find a new lonely person and make him one of my friends. Seriously. It could mean a world of difference.
Thank you for that.
ButAWindow
Sami-Fire chapter 1 . 3/31/2014
Whoa. That was... something. I'm afraid that I must start with my quibble first. I find the run-on sentences to be just a little offputting, but perhaps, given the nature of the characters in the story, it fits stylistically. A second quibble I have is that the incestuous (? pardon me if I'm reading too much into it) decision at the end seems to come out of nowhere. Perhaps you could give it a bit more buildup, even over the course of a single-chapter story? On the plus side, you did a good job of illustrating just what kind of people Mrs. Daley and Semtex are- Mrs. Daley's slightly twisted concern for her son and Semtex's simplicity.
alltheeagles chapter 1 . 3/31/2014
For the RG EF

I like your consistency, in that you always have some kind of twist in the tale, although I'd say the twist this time is not as clearly depicted compared to some of your other pieces. I think it's effective as well that way - leaving it to the reader to decide what mama does next. I also like the poignancy of the relationship between mother and son, even if it verges on the melodramatic with the phrase 'witnessed his father being burned alive in a horrific car accident'. In that instance, I think less would have been more.