Reviews for Divinity - Volume I
SoulsandSwords chapter 20 . 11/23/2014
Whoa lady! You don't come in here and just snatch our protagonist! You don't take that bullshit Lianna! Keep being an awesome best friend! Cici's courage for going with them though, it's so admirable. She clearly knows it's a bad idea but knows she'll be one of the first Galaxians to see what's out there...

Everyone: Cici no!

Cici: Cici yes!

I know I'm being pessimistic but I feel like Harry has something planned and wants to be the one to do the damage, not the vampires. Maybe I'm over analyzing it since I've read too many dark books. Most likely. But then again, he seems too genuine... Cici's reactions to Markus being the architect xD I felt the same, to be honest.

Though, you managed to make Harry very sympathetic with his controlling father and abusive past. Ironic that he just might want somebody to love *breaks out into Queen song*Sorry, I do that a lot...

SoulsandSwords chapter 19 . 11/23/2014
Poor Cici, her little group of friends are disbanding to their own goals and wherever life takes them. It's another realistic aspect that sometimes your friends, though you love them, aren't always gonna stay nearby. Of course, we're not getting attacked by Vampires either. 0.o

Is it me, or does it seem the vampires are becoming less aggressive and only have an interest in Cici? I guess I'll have to prove myself wrong or right.

I like how you use the breaks to divide where and what is happening in the story also; makes it easier to read. I'm growing more weary of Harry, he's starting to seem like the untrustworthy and obsessive type... and both Cici and the voice know this. I get that Cici's a teenage girl still figuring out her emotions, but I worry that she's fooling herself into loving Harry simply because he is the only one who is protective of her. It was a great love sequence but I fear that things will take a turn!

Continuing on!

YumehaMinakami chapter 24 . 11/22/2014
So Harry is still fighting the enemy, he's such a tough guy we know he could handle it but the circumstances are now slowly stacking on the vampires' favor.

Age gap of 16000? Now I feel young! Hahaha! I can't remember how old Harry is, I never claimed to have good memory, but I'm pretty sure it's in the thousands too and Cici just didn't notice that herself. Still, she must hurry back and maybe her powers might just prove vital for the others.
YumehaMinakami chapter 23 . 11/22/2014
Whoa! I liked this chapter a lot, nothing like a bit of psychological warfare to try to bring the hero to her knees. Though there were a few mistakes in grammar as there were some word missing in sentences, same with the last chapter... just be a bit more careful typing next time around.

Also, NOW it looks like the guys in the palace are in real trouble. I wonder if the vampires managed to overpower the entire palace garrison.
YumehaMinakami chapter 22 . 11/22/2014
I didn't expect Airlea to be acting way more childish than what I had imagined. She was the strongest vampire and all but she has a really cute side after all.
Now that scene with the two Cicis reminded me of Naruto vs Dark Naruto.

Back onto the castle anyways. It looks like Harry and the rest will be in huge trouble, if that dark cloud is a cloud of vampires ready for an invasion then we can expect a massive battle soon.
SoulsandSwords chapter 18 . 11/22/2014
Cici represents everyone when they wake up "Ah yes okay... WAIT WHAT?!" Haha, reminded me of Anna in the opening of Frozen, "My sister's coneration... Gasp! It's coronation day!" The little funny moments that makes stories all the better. Lol, poor her and her contrast with Lilianne who's comfortable with any unorthadox situation. Makes them a better pair.

Seriously, I couldn't get enough of them, Lillianne's ditzy and doesn't get the concept of whatever Cici seems to say, almost like a mother-child or older sister type relationship. Cici's just he victim of happiness all over in this chapter, unable to escape the arms of a blushing bride and her dear friend.

Your idea of a Galaxian wedding was so creative and original; you're truly a genius in making their own customs and cultures, anything to make them differ from humans as much as possible. Almost like how J.R.R. Tolkien created an entire language for elves. Your minds are so beyond the box. While Galaxians find it endearing, Cici, the human, just doesn't understand these customs. Just like experiencing the culture of another country, it takes adaptation.

Ah, I imagined Galaxians being much taller and bulkier than humans, especially with all the ongoing battles they have. For some reason it made me think of Bayonetta; witches are taller than humans. Average height for a human witch is 6'3"! Lucky... Haha, I feel for Cici being called tiny, I'm *height gets bleeped out* and I'm shorter than a majority of my friends. I only have two or three that are tinier than I am. Nice touch of realism.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I adore Cici! She is so realistic and awkward when it comes to socializing and defending her friend's secret. She's so well written Hug-chan! :) You should boast about her. xD

That voice most likely cannot be trusted, and Cici's old memories are coming to haunt her, since her situation here is probably similar to whatever situations she faced back when she was living. I am determined to find out her secrets!

SoulsandSwords chapter 17 . 11/22/2014
Whoa! Great intense opening! It reminded me of "Beauty in the Beast" when Belle entered the West Wing and got scared out. Only she didn't have a voice in her head telling her how to escape.

"Turn left! No, not right! Left you idiot!" xD I laughed harder than I probably should've at this. No one can tell directions when in a panic. Cici finding the pendant is more than likely significant (obviously, everything you write has a reason to it.) it might be a horcrux? (Another Harry Potter visual I had) something that's keeping the Galaxians and Vampires separated or alive? Maybe something that will bind them in the future?

Oh my god the voice, "I'm surrouded by idiots." He's so Scar... Is he gonna sing Be Prepared? That would be pretty badass... Best villain song ever!

Anyways, Harry and Kyoko's interactions were a little... suspicious. I feel like his loyalty and kind-heart is being abused... Oh god, please don't let his heart strings be tugged so that he turns wicked!

Wow! You're so brilliant! I seriously love Cici and this voice's relationship; they're without a doubt connected whether it be from this life or her last. She might be unintentionally passive-aggressive, but I feel that she's the kind that either will or won't turn against her and is simply using her as a tool for her plans. And poor Cici, being Cici, doesn't think she's strong enough to disobey.

Lilianne and Edward are the best... xD Just like Pippin and Merry from "Lord of the Rings"! I'm surprised with how classically and wonderfully you portray your characters! Getting into trouble for the public good but then apologizing when they're caught. Funnily, they're both most likely going to be epic heroes!

This is probably my current favorite chapter!

SoulsandSwords chapter 16 . 11/22/2014
Lilianne and Edward at the beginning. Oh my god it was adorable and realistic; siblings love to tease each other but if anyone else does, they're in for a beating. At least that's how it is with my brother and I. Only I can call him a dork and annoying... Because I usually only half-mean it. ;)

I love the little things that make Cici stand out, for example being the last to stand up and bow down when the trio approached them. Not quite formal with her customs. YAS! Cici is finally using her information to help her calculate what the hell is going on around here! She is totally going to solve this mystery!

She really must transcend the boundaries between Galaxians and Vampires and stop this war before it gets any worse; it's clear she's conflictedly neutral in this. She just needs to remember her life on earth as Carmine before she can involve herself. Wow, Harry and Cici huh? To be honest, I didn't picture it as love but rather a deep, close fondness like siblings. It was the distinct pattern I noticed between them I guess; coming from someone who's in a relationship and has a best-guy friend who is just like a brother to me. Maybe I'm worse at telling the difference than I thought. xD

Cici might be a follower more than a leader; but heroes have to start somewhere right? Amazing chapter!

YumehaMinakami chapter 21 . 11/8/2014
Well, if its Airlea then that was one big shocker!
Also, Cici and Harry in bed? Oh god, did they... you know...? Nah, just goofin' off.
Now we have a secret base of vampires that are against Markus, Rosalie's character came a bit more into light, I had a better and lighter feel to her than when she first appeared. It might be just her demeanor while fighting though.

And with all the talk of that flavoured blood, I could tell that Cici was really on edge during that conversation.
I'm interested to see what will happen to the world now that Airlea is back!
SoulsandSwords chapter 15 . 11/8/2014
I love the mini-sequences of Cici's thoughts. It's the little remarks that show us who she is. Cici roaming the halls reminds me of a scene from "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" where he uses a secret map trying to find Peter Pettigrew; except there's no map. xD Cici is up to mischief, but for good reasons. Especially the scene where she bumps into Harry; Harry Potter bumps into Professor Snape and they try to persuade the protagonist to do what they're supposed to be... though Harry is more passive than Snape. xD No wonder I love this story, it brings me nerdy nostalgia and it's written like a classic!

Only part was how Harry talks and the awkward ellipse pauses; I think maybe it's him breathing heavily because of his meds wearing off? Trying to make sense of it. I feel like Harry is attracted to Cici for the wrong reasons; he's looking for comfort but is taking her kindness as a romance. I think he's the type to become possessive, but that's just me. Clearly he's gone through abandonment. You write romance without it being boring or cheesy. Nice work!
SoulsandSwords chapter 14 . 11/7/2014
You're spacing out your ellipses! Hooray! Lol, sentences look prettier when one does that. Only part about the beginning was the sentence "How many times... have I told you," I feel like the pause should've been later on, it sounded a little funny in my head.

In fact, there are a few sentences where these beats are happening. It feels a little awkward and untimed, but not a big deal. Also, "No, personal servants" or "No, guards(;) not personal servants." Be careful with run-on sentences and comma uses, I make that mistake often. And try not to overuse ellipses either. Sometimes if it feels like it should be a brief, short pause, use a comma. Ellipses show a few seconds have at least passed. Don't worry, it's all about experimenting.

Sorry for the grammar-pirate AP Lang made me into. Onward with the awesomeness. Cici is by far my favorite, which you probably figured out. She's very stubborn, but not arrogant, which is rare in a blunt and outspoken protagonist. I like that she's more willing to transcend the boundaries and take on her own challenges. She's more willing to accept the consequences of breaking the rules, so she isn't a brat. You've created a brilliant character. I want to see how she's going to confront Harry. It might not end well.

Highway Unicorn chapter 1 . 11/7/2014

*I review as I read*

I like your idea of afterlife. It reminds me of Scientology, but don't get me wrong here: I'm not trying to say you're copying their beliefs. I'm interested to see your take on it and what you're going to do. I think it's cool to play around with the afterlife in novels, and I'm already hooked based on the idea that life sorta continues on on an alien planet.

[She sat up in bed easily and tried to wrap her head around what happened, but the only thing she came up with was that she died and was resurrected.] An interesting take to have when dealing with the afterlife. This woman (Cici) knows she is dead, that much is clear, so I can only assume she was aware of her death? I wonder if it was a slow death :(

I also wonder if it is of common knowledge that the afterlife consists of this. If it isn't mentioned at one point or another, do the living people of Earth (if it is set on Earth) know to expect this in the afterlife?

I like the conversation the two girls (Lianna and Kyoko, pretty names btw) had while Cici was hiding. It's a good tool to hint/foreshadow future plot development, and from that, I can only assume the woman will be meeting either (or both) of those girls again, or perhaps even the brother. But the point I'm trying to make here is that I like the usage of foreshadowing you set up in this scene.

["What is Galaxia? And what are Galaxians?"] Oh, so based on this, it isn't common knowledge? I think that's a cool idea to work with nevertheless. Cici doesn't come across as a very fearful person, but I would suggest hinting perhaps a bit more panic/fear in her tone at the very beginning. I only say this because I think most people would be scared to wake up somewhere like that. Cici's confusion is well done, though! :)

[...How did she die anyways?] Alright, so it appears she doesn't know the cause of her death. The only problem I see with this is when earlier, Cici stated she knew she was dead. How did she know she was dead if she doesn't know her cause of death? I could get it if it was something unexpected and sudden, such as a gunshot or car accident. That way, she would have enough time to maybe process that she's dying, but not enough time to figure out from what. Hopefully, we'll get these answers and therefore clean up the confusion. :-)

Overall, a nice start. :)
YumehaMinakami chapter 20 . 11/5/2014
Okay! That kiss during the last chapter was a huge development. Also the revelation about Markus creating the entire planet was not really a surprise, the guy could bend reality.

Also, I just want to say that Rosalie's fighting style is awesome! It was graceful yet effective and the use of flowers as the basis of her powers was a great bonus to boot... it ups the elegance factor in her fighting style.

Though I think what happened in this chapter between Cici and Harry in this chapter was too fast. Especially the part where he put her arms around her and the part where he hugged her, it seems rather out of character for him. Anyways, maybe that's just how Harry rolls... a playboy XD (just kidding).
YumehaMinakami chapter 18 . 11/1/2014
Oh! Weddings! I liked the way you describe the place of event where the couple celebrated their wedding. Though white still registers in my brain when I imagined Nobu proposing once more to Lianna, now I know how weir Cici feels when she sees black in a wedding instead of white.

And there's that voice again, and he's calling shots at trust, a big word. I'm really excited to know what happens next.
SoulsandSwords chapter 13 . 10/28/2014
"Hey wait, I'm bait?!" - Lol, poor Nobu being the Ron Weasley of the group. Lianna is like Hermione with how she plans everything out and is hoplelessly confident in her schemes. Sorry, I can't get enough of the nostalgic Harry Potter feels from them including Cici... I kinda feel like Nobu and Lianna should end up together. xD

Cici's powers though, it's obvious she's part of some sort of prophecy of Galaxia and the vampires may or may not want her to find out. "You're a vampire Cici!" "A what?" Hehe, it's funny how you've never read them, but your story is very similar to the award-winning series _ what will your future hold when this is published? Your use of British folklore as well, the dhampirs.

I have a feeling that the vampires aren't malicious but have a message that only Cici will be able to decipher; or maybe they're looking for something. Just hypothesizing. Not too sure what Phoenix did to Cici at the end here. Probably she was already drained and the overexertion of energy didn't help.

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