I like the description of the smoke and fire – it’s vivid but not unnecessarily ornate, which could detract from their inherent menace. I also like the narrator’s thoughts and reflections like how something beautiful can be destructive, even though this is perhaps a little unrealistic, given the immediate danger. On the CC side, if this is meant for ‘kids’ as you put it, I think the level of the language is a little high, unless you mean that the contest you entered is for kids, in which case, well done on showcasing an unchildlike vocabulary. Also, it should be ITS roughly cut shingles without the apostrophe.

Whoa, reading this gave me shivers! Ironic, since it's about fire, but still . . . Excellent writing!

Was that all a nightmare or did he really die?

This is good. I appreciate the details and descriptions.
I can see what he is seeing in my mind and to me that is the sign of a good story teller.

Thank you for the story.
Cecelia
(P.S. At the end of the last sentence you said "I could only think thing." I think you meant "I could only think one thing." Just thought I'd let you know.)