|Reviews for (xx) Daughters of Icarus Volume 1|
| Miles Montgomery chapter 1 . 6/8/2014
Not a bad bit of writing. The flow was pretty natural and the prose was great. A little more detail would be excellent here. As people always tell me, set the scene and then serve it. Good job though. Wonder what a hellgate is?
| Clear World chapter 4 . 6/8/2014
OKay, and now I think I lost myself. Is this story jumping around in time now, or is this some kind of vision Dennis is seeing right after that gun fight. Really think its the first option or else Dennis have some serious problems (not like it already doesn't show since he seeing an angel so he clearly is depressed of something).
This chapter lost me in the beginning, jarring at where it appeared within the story, and caused me to question how this story's entire structure will go like. It's a nice look into Dennis and see how he feels (I assume now he's the main character, but darn, I wanted that master sergeant), but I hope this story doesn't make such leaps in storytelling so jarrning because it really ruins the experience for me because the tone and setting switched so fast without anything connecting the transition.
| Clear World chapter 3 . 6/8/2014
If you can see my face, I'm smiling at the little gun fight. It was indeed statsifying, though, as I read this, I did wonder who that child was in the prologue and how she fits into all of this (if she fits in it at all). But for a action based chapter, this is all I could want and got it. I really wish I could say more but, I'm just more giggly after reading it and my thoughts are really thinking of anything but praise at what I read.
The end leaves with another good cliff hanger to turn in to the next chapter.
| Clear World chapter 2 . 6/8/2014
Though I love the first prologue so much, this chapter is a nice, though somewhat confusing chapter for me as a whole, but that's just because I can't stop looking at the ridiculously long name.
But, it is starting to sound like an apocalyptic world where people do what they must to survive. I might be wrong, but hey, I like thinking up things as I read. The writing remains soooo nice and this is really only the first chapter, and it kept me interested enough to want to read another chapter. So many new faces introduced and they serve well enough. THough, I'm still stuck on Master Sergant bla bla bla name. It's soooo long.
But as a whole, this chapter is a chapter that just fill the void and sets up to what I expect to be a good shoot out in the next chapter.
| M1zz chapter 2 . 6/8/2014
So the change in POV was unexpected. Not bad, I just really curious about Hellgates and other things from the previous chapter. But this was lovely. I mean, I enjoyed it.
I felt like the dream sequence flowed well. Like the dialogue felt natural and like real army personnel would say something like that. I don't see what's so nightmarish about though, so that was lost on me. Even so, the reactions from the kids and wife also felt very natural.
I felt like the ending of this shocked me a bit more. I think that has to do with how mundane everything felt (outside of the dream). Yeah, there were mentions of how Paper Money and a register were old relics but everything still felt down to earth. Like it could happen today. So the ending with what I assumed to be terrorist was surprising.
| kingofe3 chapter 7 . 6/7/2014
And this is where it ends (for SC). Overall, the short story was short, but sweet. Not a good start, but an engaging end. Fix up the beginning parts and it'll be fine.
I still question, and hope, all of this won't be in vain for future chapters and not just for setting up the mood. You can do a lot with this instead of tossing it away. (And just to note, yes, I watched Gai Rei Zero, but that show had lesbians in it so... /shot).
| kingofe3 chapter 6 . 6/7/2014
Ugh, now this is incest I do not want to get involved in. /shot
I would've liked to see how the mother got "infected". Jimmy will be coming back as the heroic protag, probably, but that's not guaranteed. Dennis might become the overlord of the reapers or something. That would make some good irony, lol.
Also, like Daniel mentioned, I'm reading this more as a Western tbh.
| kingofe3 chapter 5 . 6/7/2014
Alright, it was from the last chapter onward that I was interested in what was going to happen. I recommend more spelunking though on the peoples.
| kingofe3 chapter 4 . 6/7/2014
Good emotional and follow up chapter. Stronger with the emotional, still too short. Pretty much what everyone said. wb
| kingofe3 chapter 3 . 6/7/2014
"Daughter!" I actually found this really odd to shout out during an intense situation. It's probably cause most fathers wouldn't say "daughter" and more of their daughter's name or a nickname, but that's just me.
This plus the chapter before added together would've made a good cliffy to go on. Sure I understand you want to be minimal, but seeing how this chapter would make the overall impression stronger, I just tend to think this would make the story overall more engrossing.
On the chapter itself, it did well with tension despite the lack of some description.
| kingofe3 chapter 2 . 6/7/2014
Alright, since I already read through the whole story and many people have already pointed it things that should be addressed about the chapters, I'll post my impressions of what happened in said chapter rather than go through and repeat.
I think this still doesn't qualify as a good hook. Two chapters in and from two different perspectives with no real attachment to the characters before a "big event" happens. Both endings are rather abrupt and small, but I found this one slightly better as we learned more about Dennis. Still, there just isn't enough.
| Y. S. Wong chapter 7 . 6/7/2014
Reminds me a bit of Last of Us here.
| Y. S. Wong chapter 6 . 6/7/2014
All right! Tongue kissing!
It wasn't apparent at first, but you're starting to develop a little strong 'feel' to this story. It has a very creepy mood indeed. Some things about execution can be better yes, but this mood has been predominant throughout the last couple chapters and is a major part of what gives DoI its character.
| Y. S. Wong chapter 5 . 6/7/2014
Dem 'Angels'. Creepy. Always a good feeling to inspire in your audience. I applaud you.
Oh, I forgot to mention this last chapter, but if you're going to go full bore into this extended prologue, you might as well dive further and develop things more. My hunch is that you don't need this at all, but if you're gonna have it, I'd recommend fleshing out some of the characters and their various relationships more so that certain scenes (i.e. last chapter) can have greater impact.
| DevilPogoStick chapter 1 . 6/7/2014
Oh damn, that came out of nowhere. QAQ
Poor Cali, expecting an average yet nice day...Then a Hellgate shows up. I'm not sure what Hellgates are but thing is...it probably sucks. XD
Will Cali and her mother get past this?! TAT
Keep it up! :)