|Reviews for After Happily Ever After|
| Palantean Writer chapter 1 . 6/22
I can't remember last time I read a story that started with Once upon a time. Just reading that phrase makes me want to snuggle down and enjoy it! I knew this was going to be a light-hearted story but I really like your introduction, even though it doesn't actually promise much. So he's handsome but foolish, eh? I think we all know someone like that!
Anyway, moving on...
The second sentence sets up the story and I like how succinct it is. He wants to meet a beautiful princess, and 'some random' one will do - I love that, it draws attention to that foolishness you were talking about!
I'm feeling a need for the second paragraph to start with 'However', since as it is, it feels more like you're listing a fact about the story rather than drawing me emotionally in. But that evil wizard's going to be a problem, I can feel it in my bones. Oh, and I notice that you've named the wizard but not the prince. Is that deliberate? Something felt a bit 'off' about the two characters and I wasn't sure what it was until I noticed the lack of name for the prince.
I also feel that Princess Avis needs her own introduction. The prince gets his own paragraph, as does Elijah, but she feels tacked on at the end. Perhaps she should get a mention in-between the prince and Elijah in her own paragraph, or needs her own after Elijah's.
Oh, I see! With reading the start of the final paragraph I realised that this is a very shortened version of a story - or really, a prequel.
Okay, I like this first chapter! It's short and sweet, light and a little bit fun. I think it could do with some polishing and refining to let me as the reader know what the tone of the rest of the story is going to be, because on the one hand it feels fun and whimsical, and on the other it ends a touch philosophical, which feels at odds with the fun. I think you need to integrate the two so that they work together or decide which needs to be the dominant feel of this story. But again, I like the prologue!
| dragonqueen123 chapter 7 . 9/1/2014
does avis have temper issues?
| dragonqueen123 chapter 5 . 9/1/2014
i would so have pushes him off the wall to
| dragonqueen123 chapter 3 . 9/1/2014
the Jepson carly rae thing is so funny
| dragonqueen123 chapter 2 . 9/1/2014
the dwarves names are hilarious and i love the idea of the bald young baby
| YoursTruly519 chapter 10 . 8/13/2014
I think the fact that Gretel is a troubled teen is funny XD but I'm not sure that its okay to find it funny XD
| YoursTruly519 chapter 9 . 8/13/2014
Everything would be normal... XD BAHAHAHHA!
Also Pinocchio and geppetos abrupt entrance and exit improved this chapter by a mile XD
Humpty is such a creep tho XD!
And the comparison at the beginning? Lol!
| YoursTruly519 chapter 8 . 8/13/2014
Oh my goodness XD he should come into the story every here and there because it's excellent! And now Humpty is like an infestation to their house XD which is epic!
| YoursTruly519 chapter 7 . 8/8/2014
Kissy kissy fun XD
I was really shocked when Avis killed Humpty XD but then all this talk about gingerbread (no matter how much I hate eating it) made me excited for Christmas!
| YoursTruly519 chapter 6 . 8/8/2014
XD THIS IS EPIC! XD
The only flaw in this chapter is u kept typing the wrong word. He or she for the same person.
This story makes me laugh so hard tho XD
| Lara Madeline Night chapter 4 . 5/17/2014
I just love how you announce the fact that you're posting stories on another site. Very creative
I yet again laughed until I couldn't breathe. This story is just awesome.
| YoursTruly519 chapter 4 . 5/16/2014
XD OMG THIS IS...UTTER FOOLISH NONSENSE XD No video games? ! O.o XD and the cheetos and the fact that carTer cant remember XD HAHAHAHHA
ALSO CARRY THST BREAD BETTER XD
| Guest chapter 3 . 5/10/2014
Lovely! I love how you twisted and incorporated fairy tales!
| Lara Madeline Night chapter 3 . 5/10/2014
"Let him go. The chapter will be more interesting this way."
I. Laughed. Until I couldn't breathe anymore. (are you trying to kill me? XD)
THIS WAS AWESOME! I'm glad he took the fish (even though I soo badly want a dragon as my pet.)
WHY AREN'T DRAGONS REAAAL!
| Lara Madeline Night chapter 2 . 5/4/2014
I laughed SO much while reading this! I can't wait for the next chapter.
I never really liked the concept of happy ever after of the prince and princess, and this story is juat amazing!