|Reviews for Neo-Neon|
| Psykofreac chapter 2 . 12/23/2014
It looks like there's still a focus on introducing new characters. Not as frequent as the previous chapter but it still feels as though you give a little of this guy and a little of that rather than just focus on a few characters at a time before having the others be more prominent.
There's a lot to take in, including the world building. Like Comlink, Star Theory, ARNID etc. FLO seems quite similar to Nen from Hunter X Hunter though, so I'll be able to follow that well. Anyways, when all that world building is combined with your whole crowd of characters, that's a lot for the readers to take in.
Before this, I didn't really get critics who review other works saying there are too many characters to keep up with. Now I get the idea better from reading Neo-Neon. It's a good thing your characters are interesting and unique enough though because if most other stories and their cast try to do the same thing, I'd be too lost to even make this review anymore.
There are some fun interactions. What I'm most interested in so far is the World Domination Club and getting to like the members quite a bit. The fight with that Ezeren and that serpent was okay but a good way to introduce Vita's power, nicely straight to the point.
Tureinn and Kuroah seem pretty mysterious at the moment but it feels like they'll come in as villains at some point. If one bit stood out as a little bland though, I guess it would the one with Avylyn and her friends when they went out to eat.
I guess it was an okay chapter. Though too long with little plot progression. Of course with longer chapters, it's harder to remember everything to comment on so I'm sorry I may have left out something when I posted this.
| r3dacted chapter 2 . 10/14/2014
Since I had a while to read this and I was able to do so in all one go, it was pretty fun to read it all there and then u
The Director seems rather fun, though a bit screwy, as somehow I don't think that everyone's gonna keep Vita's little secret a secret, especially what with the big deal that he made out of it.
Dat scene with Azaka was cute, even if it is a cliche way to meet someone. (It's happened to me before lel, so its believable for me) Vita's got another love interest? Perhaps someone'll be NTR'D? O_O
Perhaps peeps'll ship him with every girl if this story ever hits it big.
The scene with Miziu did take a little while, but I thought it was pretty cool that we got to see how she and Vita get along u
Also, disinterested teachers for the entrance exam yay!
...But dat world domination club, its probably gonna be a major driving force. I can feels it in my bonezesasza!
| r3dacted chapter 1 . 7/1/2014
Unlosing Ranger? Is that a Zettai Hero Project reference I see? u
Eh? the protag's name is Vita? Its gotta be a reference to the game system cause of the earlier reference,
I like how you're setting this up, right from the first chapter we know that while teh story has kids and special powers in it, its gonna be rather dark, or at least not happy friendship time.
I'm gonna start putting some thought into this review, activating !
Making the text of new words be in bold is useful, I especially like the effect it has near the end; however, its a bit of a surprise, At first alot of it took me out of my immersion, like around the area where the seasons are being defined. Once I got over the shock it was pretty nice, but figured I'd bring it up.
This would definitely come in handy for going back and rereading though.
As usual, I like the diversity of character personalities. Some of them, like the twins, I'd be kind of on the fence about, but what with FLO and aura color being in this, I'm rather curious to see what aura color everyone gets and how well they'll be able to use them and pickup a fighting style.
Not sure how to feel about the pure white aura, my initial reaction was to hurriedly scroll all the way back up to see if I missed something or got mixed up with colors. I've got mixed feelings about a power not explained by the code given just a few seconds before it was introduced, but seeing your track record, I'll put my trust in ya for now.
Hm, parts of this chapter felt a little like an infodump, but that's kind of inevitable. Cause of world creation and all. Some people will be turned off by it, but meh, it does help with immersion in the long run I guess.
Seeing as I can't come up with anything else to comment on, I'll take my leave now *bows*
*gets on robot unicorn that rockets off into space*
| Kiento21 chapter 1 . 6/30/2014
NOOOOOOO CLIFFHANGARSSSSSSSSSS AHHHH I WANNA KNOW MORE! lol great story plz keep going :D
| Psykofreac chapter 1 . 5/26/2014
I see you're using the same sentence structure as Million to One. Once again, I myself don't mind too much but I think some people do. Also, yeah, referring to Earth as "your world" broke the immersion a little.
Anyway, onto itself. There's a nice balance of exposition before we have the actual events happen, not so much infodump. From the get go , there's some pretty innovative world building, such as having your very own time cycling system. The kind that can probably challenge the consistency of most writers unless they're interested in it.
There were a lot of short intros of characters throughout this chapter, that can be a double edged sword as it disperses the focus. I'd say half of the characters would have an interesting enough impression so far, the others felt like they "may" be more interesting but we haven't learned enough about them to be engaged yet.
I mean, we got a bully who acts like a bully, a proud tribe member who acts like a proud tribe member, a kid who acts like a kid, a fortune teller who acts like a fortune teller and a... not a punk(maybe?) who looks like a punk. Some more focus could have helped with the other characters as well. I'd say my favorites so far are the Elm twins. Characters acting arrogant are just pretty entertaining. XD
Okay, next there's a kind of magic, special power system which I'm really of iffy on. Just feels more natural to have classifications based on the ability's mechanics rather than applications. At least it's nice to see how it leads to a nice cliffhanger at the end of the chapter.
| DappledKarma chapter 1 . 5/26/2014
The paragraph that starts with 'You're probably still confused about that whole cycles business, huh?' ruins the immersion for me. Because it directly addresses the reader in what is otherwise a third person story, it doesn't feel natural at all. This kind of thing works better in visual mediums. I think I'd rather not be told what, say, a link card is, and be shown a character using it and then figure out exactly what it is through observation. (Of course, some things would be impossible to figure out through purely observation alone, like what exactly a cycle would be, so take all that I say with a grain of salt.) (I'm sure you do this already :P ) Here's a quote I really like from a Masamune Shirow interview that more or less explains how I feel about this:
Interviewer: Much sci-tech information in your manga seems to be delivered as a sort of background, ambient noise, which many readers probably don't understand right away but eventually soak up unconsciously through osmosis. Is this a deliberate strategy?
MS: No, it's not something I do deliberately. It merely happens because of the way the stories are structured. I don't deliberately have a lot of explanations about the reality in which the characters live. To the characters this information is obvious, and natural; the readers enter the world of the characters, and it should ideally become a "natural" world for them, too.
The amount of exposition at the beginning was tiresome, but after that, when Vita and Avy were introduced, things picked up really quickly - much much MUCH faster than MtO, and I am grateful for that. My body hungers for more.