I like the plot and the beginning but somewhere in the middle you lost me. I have no idea what happened at the end. Also it really irritated me to read "their" the whole time. Please differentiate between there (a place ), their (possessive), and they're/ they are. It is really important. however, good try. :) Don't get offended by anything i said, I only said it to help you and because i liked the story so take this a constructive criticism and keep working hard.

Looks interesting, but you should do some more proofreading. For example, in the first several paragraphs you misspelled William, telekinesis, flirtatious, and flexible.