|Reviews for A Web of Debts|
| Demon Writer Guy chapter 29 . 3/1/2015
"the savage beast from piece's game." You misspelled Pierce.
| Demon Writer Guy chapter 28 . 3/1/2015
"Jackson could not help but if he had done anything wrong." This sentence sounds incomplete, like you missed some words.
Also "I'll spare you the deals" 'deals' should be 'details'.
| Demon Writer Guy chapter 27 . 2/27/2015
"He always uncomfortable" pretty sure there's supposed to be a word between 'He' and 'always'.
| Demon Writer Guy chapter 25 . 2/17/2015
"asJackson Graves". A space is needed between 'as' and 'Jackson'.
| Demon Writer Guy chapter 23 . 2/17/2015
('"Dell's little system...") There's a ' mark that's completely by itself.
| Demon Writer Guy chapter 9 . 2/9/2015
Reading through your story and I noticed a small error
"... if he'd meet any of them after death. "" There's a quotation mark at the end of the paragraph. Just wanted to let you know.
| L. F. Bartley chapter 8 . 10/20/2014
Your K rating just went out the window with that curse word. lol
"He said he wanted me to tell you what I've found so far." This line doesn't make sense.
"Jackson wondered what they were about before Pierce returned." Another line that doesn't make sense.
Again, I'm unfamiliar with a lot of the terminology in this chapter. Maybe you should think of adding some footnotes with definitions or maybe a dictionary somewhere along the lines?
Other than the above criticisms, I liked the chapter.
| She Doesn't Row chapter 14 . 10/16/2014
Definitely not surprised Iktomi is a woman, but I felt like this chapter was a nice little change in pace, nonetheless. I felt her introduction was awkward, though. "Just call me Adele Zimmerman," and then "But just call me Dell." Which is it? Also either you really liked the name Adele, or this is a great punny name for a computer hacker. Kudos to you! I like that she seems a bit "immature" instead of being, well, like Jackson. It's a bit of an unexpected character trait that I think will be fun to read more of!
| apocalypsetheory chapter 9 . 10/15/2014
I'd recommend this story to anyone that like a kind of slow moving but interesting story. The intergration of different technological things into the lives if characters that deal with the supernatural is very well done, and doesn't go into an overboard sort of futuristic sci-fi like most do. I'm going to be honest, although it is very well written I just don't find myself making any connection to the characters that would draw me in to read through it rapidly, but I suppose that's just because it's not the style of supernatural stuff I normally read and is no fault of your own. The crypto currency thing is a very neat idea though, and the slow moving pace is nice for the type of story. Can't say it's the type I would sit down and read all of in one go, but I will continue to make my way through it. It's a thumbs up from me.
| Solomon07 chapter 2 . 10/15/2014
Ah...interesting start so far. You added detail where it was needed, and you kept things easy to understand. And the bit of info given on Jackson and his calmness in the situation proves that he's had experiences with unexpected situations. While I am curious as for the bokken, I'm guessing that this is situated somewhere in either modern day America or it tad farther in the future, but not that far. His casual talking with Liz, even though she's a ghost as well, means that there's either a history there or there's going to be a story later on.
Either way, nice use of dialogue, goof choice of words, but you might want to wait a tad before putting in comparisons when you want suspense. Probably best to use in a serious situation, like life or death serious. There are other scenarios such comparisons could be used in though.
| TheMidnightCr3w chapter 7 . 10/15/2014
Sorry for how long it took to respond. Lets get to the review,
I only spotted spelling error or two is and apart from that, it's a very good story, the pace is right and I'm interested in reading more.
I'll give more reviews for more chapters when I get the time to read more :)
| L. F. Bartley chapter 7 . 10/11/2014
Few spelling and grammatical errors here and there, but other than that, I liked it. Evidence gathering is critical to any good mystery novel and this chapter definitely delivers.
| L. F. Bartley chapter 6 . 10/11/2014
This chapter doesn't seem to flow as smoothly as the previous ones. Almost like it's forced.
There are grammatical and spelling errors. Need to reread your work to fix these.
Again with the techno-speak. You gotta dumb it down a little bit or at least explain what you're talking about. Maybe a footnote?
Other than what I said above, I'm really starting to enjoy this story. I always love a good mystery.
| L. F. Bartley chapter 5 . 10/9/2014
A few spelling errors here and there. Needs some editing.
I was hoping for a little more description concerning their surroundings. The vibe I'm getting is that this is all occurring in a place kind of like the desert areas in California. It's got roads, buildings, homes, businesses, but very little in the way of vegetation.
Other than that, I enjoyed the chapter.
| L. F. Bartley chapter 4 . 10/8/2014
Big words again. This works against you. Say what you mean in the plainest language possible. Escapism...esoteric. Dude, I am a college graduate and I don't have a clue what these words mean.
When they are going through the store, Jackson is talking to Liz, wouldn't that draw attention to him since no one else can see her?
"Hello Jackson and Pierce" ... this seems a bit forced. It's not something you would hear in every day talk. I only mention it because it bugged me when I read it. Something a little more realistic would've been better...like "Jackson! ...and Pierce! To what do I owe this honor?" Store owners are always kissing the customers' ass. :/ Alternatively, if he does not have much love for Jackson and Pierce, you can always go with something like "Oh, God, not you two again!"
The rest of the story was good. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Especially the part where Liz terrorized the customer.