|Reviews for The Chimera|
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/4/2014
The premise of this story is intriguing, but when do you plan to finish it? I'm afraid that if I go further, I'll get so enthralled in the story that I'll be on edge until it is completed.
(I will read further anyways, because I want to so badly, and I'll see where it leads)
Thanks-a-bunches for the brilliant story!
| Jalux chapter 1 . 7/25/2014
I definitely enjoy the descriptions you have here, it's not too much but it allows me to visualize your setting and world very well. The fact that you have chimeras and magic in this but it's set in a more modern time (because of cars and swings) gives this story a real unique feel, it's been done before the fantasy elements with modern setting but not very often and your take on it is certainly intriguing. I'm also interested to see what these chimera actually are. I'd assume they are powerful in magic given the Ceremony and Nathaniel getting angry and the books flying off the shelves but I like how you left it for later, it's a good way to keep the reader interested.
I really like your characters, Nathaniel is a very likable protagonist, he kinda has almost everything being part of the powerful Cadmus family but is kinda down-to earth because he wants to go to college and experience the life of a commoner much to his father's disapproval. It's been done before, a child born into a rich family who wants nothing more then to be normal but I'm sure Nathaniel will become a lot more complex in coming chapters.
I like Allison and Nathaniel's relationship, I feel despite the fact that Allison doesn't want to marry him they still seem pretty close. Especially the dialogue at the beginning where they could tell what happened to each other with the curfew and argument. I find it interesting how Nathaniel doesn't seem too bothered about Thom, he is in a way but not to the extent I expected. Interested to see where this goes. Also the scoring system is super cool, love me some power levels in a story.
Overall, very solid chapter. You give us the characters, build them and the world most importantly and really there's a lot of interesting stuff happening here. A bit too long for a FictionPress chapter in my opinion but justified because the pacing is excellent.
| OwlBeeWriter chapter 1 . 7/20/2014
So far I like where you're taking this story. I did not quite have the time to read the entire chapter but what I have read is very captivating. You introduced your characters very well, what little grammar I do know was executed well from what I can tell and the beginning of your story is perfectly and honestly flawless. Well done and keep writing it!
| AlshLee chapter 1 . 7/8/2014
I really like your story so far, although there are somethings that bother me. First of all, I think I read five chapters when the chapter selection only said one so... I admit these chapters are a bit long and I had to force myself to read further, in my confusion that this was all one (very long) chapter. Second, I feel like the story went a bit to fast, especially when it came to details about the chimeras. I got no introduction there and just read along as the characters continued to go on and on about some foreign concept. Although, I really enjoyed the character interactions which definitely has me reading further, ignoring the weird chapter format (for now). Anyways, final verdict is that I like it, and if you ever need someone to go through and clean up or strengthen your story, feel free to contact me because details and accuracy are my specialty! Goes to show you how much I like your story :).
| Grace chapter 1 . 7/8/2014
I can't tell if Nathaniel is rebellious or wishywashy. He went behind his parents back to apply for college but then he caves to his dad so easily.
I love Allison and Thom. Ship them so much.
Raoul seems kind of like a poor bodyguard. Bodyguards are supposed to be alert at all times, always planning for the worst possible scenario. And, well, Raoul doesn't do that. I do like his character, he just doesn't seem suited to being a bodyguard.
I love Knute, the poor kid.
| Michelle Fang chapter 10 . 7/3/2014
Well, since you asked so nicely. :) And I figured that after ten chapters I should start offering some opinions now and again.
Ignace-Margaret was a surprise. I liked Margaret's insights into Head Louisa's decision. Levi's family struck me as kind of hard to please - they "had no choice" but to let the Cadmus take him, yet now they blame him for being loyal to the house? The oppressors are at fault, of course, but those who blame their choices entirely on others aren't unaccountable either. Levi seems like a good person. Allison is one of my favorite characters, probably because I like people that seem to be in a hopeless situation but aren't willing to give up. She's stronger than she thinks. Poor Thom. Will he show up again? And Marcel-Bastien I was not expecting at all. Honestly, after it became obvious that Marcel and Sabine weren't the normal husband and wife duo, I thought there might be something between Sabine and Raoul. Peter's also one of my favorite characters, but that's just because he's so overpowered and straightforwardly evil. He doesn't even try to hide it. I only hope his arrogance doesn't kill him. But he probably wouldn't care. Anton's a lot like Knute, I think. Oh, and I ship Dietrich and Dani. Their relationship is cute.
Yay for long paragraphs. I want to express my amazement that you are able to produce these huge chapters so quickly and still maintain quality. Or, if they're pre-written, that you can maintain quality throughout these huge chapters. This is a very unique story, not just because of the setup of the world and the hundreds of characters. Your writing lends to its progression - we get to see the markedly different perspectives from all these people, and how they react and interact with each other. And I have to ask, have you already mapped everything out? Because the amount of planning involved must be amazing. New names and events/people of the past keep popping up. The dates are so precise.
Things from before this chapter . . . Dietrich's parents are adorable. I've read too many twisted stories for Sascha and Christoph to bother me; their "pure" attitude, however, does annoy me a little. I enjoyed Sascha's failed murder attempt and Dietrich's subsequent blackmail. That girl has such a useful talent that she doesn't seem to appreciate enough. Or maybe she's thick-skinned because of it. I don't know. I'm rambling a little. It looks to me like all the Houses are weakening because of their unwillingness to listen to the People: the Leandre is in danger of mutiny, the Cadmus has crazy Peter and Dani stirring up trouble, plus Michael, who's conceited (like many of the Named), and the Aegon is way too centered on its Head's authority. But that's just my view.
| ahmay chapter 11 . 7/3/2014
I don't think you had enough tension leading up to Dani's break down in previous chapters but I love how she has a panic attack but then stops the moment someone sees her. That's so fitting of Dani's personality. Also, I love that she goes to Dietrich's and he's just so accepting.
| Guest chapter 11 . 7/2/2014
The bromance between Karsten and Adam. It was there for only a bit, but it was there and I loved it.
Head Louisa has reached whole new levels of bitch. Before she was mean and possessive but now she's hitting people with paperweights. Though to be fair the paperweight was an accident. Still, she has anger management problems. So Peter has a more complicated relationship with the Cadmus that we first thought I think Lord Johnathan was a father figure to him and the Johnathan died (which messed with both Louisa and Peter.
Also, that ending!
| Guest chapter 10 . 7/1/2014
I feel so conflicted about Bastien and Marcel. If you put them in our world, I'd say they're an adorable couple but because they live in Shion and Marcel had to marry young and hes cheating on his wife, I can't love Bastien and Marcel completely. Arggggg. Raoul was right. Their love lives are a soap opera
| ahmay chapter 10 . 7/1/2014
Allison's slip with with Michael doesn't seem that extreme. I didn't think it warranted Dani going to the park and threatening Thom.
What are you planning to do with the Allison/Thom relationship, I'm curious. They were a cute couple but I wasn't like ohmergawd.
I am ohmergawd for Marcel and Bastien though. FINALLY. I knew we were going to get to them eventually
| www.accountkiller.com chapter 1 . 7/1/2014
Okay, I really like this so far! Your descriptions are really vivid and I get a good sense of Nathanial and Allison's Character's most as well as the battles they face. The part with Knute was also good, and his feelings for his sister are really good and clear, but I felt it was a little bit out of place where it was. I know that the poisoning he witnessed is probably going to be a big part of the story but having it slotted in with the other few chapters doesn't work very well for me.
Your spelling and Grammar rocks, and this is very well written in terms of tenses and point's of view. I also liked how you made Margaret explain about chimera and Marcel explain the 'seats' system. This is really natural and cleverly done.
So yeah the only thing I would say to improve is maybe gather 'like' chapter's together more. Say have Nathanial talking about Allison, Allison with Thom and Nathanial talking to Allison all as a group, then have a 2 - 3 chapters about Knute, so that it doesn't feel quite so out of place. I don't know it my opinion about this will change when I read more about him but at the moment he doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of them as much as I think he could. I also don't know if you planned it that way to show that he's a kind of outcast?
Anyway, I really like where I think Allison's tasking is going and I am venturing on to further chapters :D
| NicoleLee chapter 1 . 6/30/2014
I feel like I'm reading Game of Thrones. The characters already pulled me in (although the ones in their 20's seem very mature for their age. Possibly because they have so much responsibility and I'm incredibly immature). The story was a little hard to follow at times, but I think it will unfold as the story progresses. I'm guessing there's a long history between the houses (like GoT). Anyways, I loved it so far! You're writing is flawless as well.
| Guest chapter 9 . 6/29/2014
Dani and Peter showdown at the pool. I love how pleased Peter is that he's taller than Dani/Allison. Poor short guys.
It was nice to hear from Nathaniel again. Though his life's kinda shit at the moment. The explanation for the Houses finances is really interesting. It shows the control the Houses have over their members. Though its not a bad system in itself, people like Gerard and Louisa abuse it. :/
| ahmay chapter 9 . 6/29/2014
Where to begin? Dietrich making Dani eggs - adorable. Clare seems like a good, bratty, younger sister. Is she going to be important later on? I can never tell with this story. I didn't think Peter would be important, but he's like "You're not Allison." I love how no one is deceived by Dani's acting (except Nathaniel, but I think he's a little dense). Also, I appreciated the insight into how the Houses finances worked. It helps me understand the control the Houses have over their members. I feel bad for Allison, but I also feel bad for Dani. Its like this giant pity fest and their dads just an asshat. Anton is growing on me. His situation sort of reminds me of Knute if Knute had been found by the Self-Named. Except Anton's part foreign. And their personalities are different. But still. I like Anton. And Niklas Pehr is a dick. Okay. Done now.
| Guest chapter 8 . 6/29/2014
I think I'm developing a crush on Anton. Idk why. Update soon!