|Reviews for Smoke trails|
| 93BNMill chapter 1 . 12/5/2017
I like the image save for one thing:
"Blank expressions painted on our faces"
I don't know why, but that sentence doesn't seem all that "romantic" to me. If they were sleeping, then maybe. But they kiss at the end, so they're awake. Or you and your boyfriend are awake, anyway. If that's about the two of you away, as it was written for the two of you.
Or maybe high? That might explain the bizarre patterns in the air as the two stare off into the distance after being in bed together. I think I'll go with that. 'Blank' doesn't seem so bad then. It's sort of a 'I have a lot of stuff going in on my head and the afterglow can call back later' sort of thing. The patterns are more important.
It's a nice little piece, though. I like it.
| rust phoenix chapter 1 . 7/15/2014
I enjoy the imagery in this poem. I've never seen smoke trails used as a metaphor for imagination, and you express the image very clearly. The poem has very effective sensory details. The only change I would suggest is fixing the typo in the first line, which says "lye" instead of "lie"
| tolerate chapter 1 . 6/10/2014
I think you meant 'lie upon' instead of 'lye upon'. In the fourth line, I don't think the comma between 'stare' and 'off' is necessary since it would read as 'stare off into the distance', and I don't think you absolutely need to add a comma to each line you break off since it would disrupt the flow and cause it to be read in chunks instead of altogether. But I loved the imagery of 'smoke trails spiraling above our heads' and so on. I also liked the 'blank expressions' part. On a whole, the poem has a serene and tranquil feeling that gives the reader a relaxing feeling. It's also sweet and lovely. Keep at it.
| the real deal chapter 1 . 6/7/2014
Hey, I really enjoy your work, escapism at its finest, me and my boyfriend do this also.