|Reviews for Afterlife|
| bethchenxi chapter 61 . 2/16
good, exciting story!
| Guest chapter 60 . 2/5
Oh man I loved this chapter. But I'm not liking Cheyenne's attitude why is she acting like a jealous bitch? And I really like Jeremy's character. It's neat that you have gay characters in this story. It makes it more realistic. I'm ready to see where the next chapter goes. Keep it up.
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/4
This whole "zombie apocalypse" thing may be something that is used a lot, but this adds a different twist on it. I like how the biters aren't really zombies. They're just really sick, crazy people.
I also like how everything starts going bad fast. All throughout the story so far, things have gone bad very quickly. That makes it much more realistic, since in real life, there's no way you could have seen the "biter apocalypse" coming.
One more thing, I like how the characters aren't just afraid of the biters. They're afraid of the people too. There's betrayal and back stabbers and murderers and freaks. Everyone's kinda gone whacko.
I really hope the next chapter is up soon. Nice job so far.
| trekhorse42 chapter 1 . 12/31/2014
Wow, amazing first chapter! It has a really good hook and I'm looking forward to reading more chapters. I like how the main character calls the people crazies, it adds a realistic touch to the story. It's also very descriptive without over doing it. I can picture everything clearly. The memory of hot wiring the cars in high school was interesting, it makes me want to learn more about this character's back story. The characters also are believable, and I think it's understandable the way they react. I can't wait to read more!
| TheTigress chapter 2 . 12/31/2014
I'm getting a strong Walking Dead vibe here, even though as you explained the "biters" aren't actually zombies, just sick people like in I Am Legend. It's not bad, because TWD is great and so is IAL but it just seems overdone so I hope your story goes somewhere original eventually. :)
This chapter was a bit too fast-paced for me and I felt like it lacked emotion, especially when he ran over the "crazies". Since they're not dead, is he not concerned about the fact that he's killing people? I know it was a life or death situation, but that should have made him feel SOME remorse. Even in TWD they felt remorse for killing people that were already dead.
I feel like more detail would have been good here. The scene where he's in the car and running over the crazies was okay with the detail, but I would have liked more description after they got rescued. I think what you need is mostly sensory description because you tell us what he sees, but not what he smells, hears, feels, ect.
| Guest chapter 57 . 12/22/2014
| Guest chapter 55 . 12/22/2014
i am so glad mitch was saved! great work!
| Hail-Storm22 chapter 2 . 12/16/2014
The first suggestion that come to my mind is stronger verbs instead of words like got, did, etc
Otherwise it seems quite interesting but so far not incrediblely unique. I have read a lot of stories similar to this, so yeah. I do realize I am only om chapter 2 of what 55 chapters you have posted? So give me time and you will get better reviews.
Have a Wondrous Day!:)
| TheTigress chapter 1 . 12/16/2014
I like the progression of events in this chapter. It started off as a normal day and then suddenly turned crazy without warning. The action here is good, and you have good spelling and grammar (there were like, one or two mistakes that I believe were typos but it's nothing really). There are a few ways to improve your writing (not that it's bad because it's not):
You like to "tell" instead of "show" in your narration. For example, you write "a whole line of police cars appeared behind me". There's nothing wrong with that sentence, but if you make it more sensory it's easier to suck the reader into the story. The way it's told right now doesn't make me feel the intensity of the situation. So you could write: "Out of nowhere, I heard sirens. Blue and red lights flashed in my rearview mirror. I pulled over to the side of the road as the police cars whizzed by me, counting six." As you can see, you didn't tell anyone that they were police cars in the beginning, but the reader can figure it out by the details provided. Now I feel like I'm in the story, in the character's place. It doesn't matter how many details you give, if you're just "telling" vs "showing" it's still harder to picture the scene.
The next pointer I have is actually something that I myself learned recently (and I have to edit it out of my own writing as well)- it's the use of the word "suddenly". When you want to tell the reader that something happened "suddenly", don't use the word "suddenly". This article really helped me to understand the reason why, so I'll post the link here for 's much better at explaining it than I am, so I'll let her do the talking. :D
Another thing that I noticed is that some of your paragraphs are huge. For example in the beginning those first few paragraphs are quite overwhelming. Even people that like to read, like me, will look at that and say: "Crap... that's a lot..." This may not seem like a big deal, but it can turn a lot of people off and they might end up not reading it and just leaving- especially when the very beginning is like that. A good paragraph is anywhere from 4-6 sentences long. It really shouldn't be any longer in most cases. This is an easy fix though because you just have to take all of that information and break it up into smaller paragraphs, that's all. Each paragraph should only contain one subject. For example that first paragraph says what he's doing- driving- and then it explains that he's in college, and what he does in college, and then his relationship with his brother. That right there should be three separate paragraphs already.
When he's jumpstarting the car I felt like that little "flashback" he has of his antics with his friends is a little bit out of place. He's in the middle of an action scene, being chased by "crazies" as he calls them. Your focus in a scene like that should be on creating tension and suspense. Flashbacks are great for scenes that are otherwise considered "boring". So like, that flashback would have been good while he was driving in the beginning, because nothing big was going on.
That's all I could think to point out for this chapter. I'm going to keep reading and leave more reviews later. I hope I was able to help. :)
| katrinalyn76 chapter 53 . 12/15/2014
wow! i cant believe it! I hope mitch lives...
| TheGreatEscaper chapter 10 . 12/12/2014
(Review for chapters 1-10)
A lot of interesting ideas forming in this story, and the pace is kept fast and urges readers to look at 'just one more chapter'!
I've enjoyed reading the first ten chapters; a lot of things are packed into these short sections and you convey the events that happen in a clean, efficient way that is very readable. However, this happens to also be something that could hinder the development of the story and characters; everything happens so fast, that we barely take the time to really feel this apocalyptic world that you've created. The scarce adjectives used become slightly repetitive, and the first-person POV doesn't feel like it has been used to its full potential to show how the character really feels. It almost seems like this would have been better as a third person story, there's very little variations so far in how each character sees, describes, or feels about the events. You've made this a quick and snappy story, but perhaps at the expense of the emotion and feeling.
While the story is certainly compelling, I can't help but feel that it's just a little cliche; but then again, it can hardly be helped with a 'zombie apocalypse' story! ;) It's fine at the moment, I just hope you try some more adventurous perspectives on this well-trodden genre.
It's certainly very promising at the moment, written well with no spelling/grammatical errors, and I'm already itching to read the next chapters, but if you take the time to really develop this world and the characters in it, and really go 'out there' to do something new, this can be elevated far beyond the typical action-packed page-turner it is at the moment to something that will have a greater impact on the reader, and stand out from the ever-growing crowd of plague-apocalypse stories.
I'll definitely read the rest of this story, but here's hoping it will grow into something not just exciting and captivating, but also fresh, daring, and unique.
| katrinalyn76 chapter 52 . 12/12/2014
oh wow! cant wait for the next chapter!
| katrinalyn76 chapter 26 . 12/10/2014
I am loving this story so far. Great job!
| katrinalyn76 chapter 13 . 12/9/2014
wow, this is so good!
| ckdexter chapter 43 . 10/20/2014
Interesting showing all the different perspectives. Let me know what you think of mine as well. "Emergency Society" Thanks