|Reviews for CROSS X WORLD|
| Starart152 chapter 1 . 2/27/2016
This chapter was nicely done. The introduction of the character and his surrounding had enough detail to interest me for the rest of the long chapter. It didn't feel like it had any fillers in it.
You also create a good aura of mystery about what is going on in this world, who X and E were before all of this happened and what is the obelisk.
The personality of the two characters are well done and often clashes. E is really a strange character, but his past hasn't been revealed yet, but it might explain why he's that way, just like X.
| Daniel Kozaki chapter 3 . 2/22/2016
Hmm, E has memories of his gym classes and school life? Weird how he doesn't seem like missing his family or parents or smth like that, if he had any.
Hm, immersion into the new scene, of the unknown girl running... I like how you pulled that off.
C Xign and N code? Still, poor B. She was interesting... while it lasted. C did have the makeup of a big villain, tho, power collector, or smth like that.
Lol, shoving Munch against her rear.
That was an intense chase. Hints to a lost past...
Analysis? Oh hai CxW's Camera.
Was that new girl B? Prolly not.
Hm... too many new but unknown variables. We were introduced to quite a few mysterious characters in this one.
Anyway for some reason this chapter felt like it needs a little bit of rechecking - the typos were a bit frequent compared to the last two.
For some reason, the theme of 'traveling' makes me enjoy this a little bit better than MtO... so far.
| Daniel Kozaki chapter 2 . 2/21/2016
E has perverted thoughts? But he was so pure the last chapter? :o
Of course there's the obelisk, but... Xign is spelled with an X. She is assigned to the letter X. Chosen one vibes? And the anomalous mind reading, ofc.
'Before two warriors can become entangled in a pact of blood...' - Ok. He's going to be a companion. It's obvious, just two kids will get boring after a while.
Beheading. That's harsh.
Ragnarok's Eye... Could this be an important hint?
Cut off the head and burn it. How morbid, nice boat. Craziest twelve-year-old girl I've seen in a while.
'The creature pursued him admirably, his long legs taking wide steps in an attempt to reach him. The creature was about twenty feet tall at best, but it was clearly heavier than it looked.' - 'admirably' sounds like an awkward word for that. and you used both his' and 'its' for the creature, and 'the creature' twice in adjacent sentences felt repetitive.
'the creature rose the metal structure...' - 'raised'.
D and T's little boy... It would be so weird if it was E.
Anyway, in some places, the narration sounded like it was aimed for a younger audience, but this is an M-rated story. Hmm.. And some dialogue tags felt unnecessary, but I'm into the minimalist school of writing, so...
| Daniel Kozaki chapter 1 . 2/18/2016
Hello! Cross on Cross week equals Cross-ception.
Nice blurb at the start, setting the atmosphere.
I'll pass commenting on typos and the kind, seeing how it's a first draft.
Nice atmosphere of loneliness in a derelict surrounding. Funny how it kinda gives a lot of 'time' to describe things without breaking the flow.
'What would the boy do?' - this sentence makes the narration feel detached imo when I've been assuming it's deep POV. Makes it sound like the POV of a player watching a game character henceforth.
Hair striped black and white. Vivid, I like, just like a whole lot of things in this. -w-b
Believable characterization and dialogue. Lovely.
Cut in half. Well that escalated quickly. xD
Hmm. Young protags in a cruel, ruined world. Interesting choice.
Oh.. sucks to be E... even his mind isn't safe from her.
Hm, quite the opposite of Camera, this protag-san. Is it going to be a world of kids, I wonder.
Ah, dreadlocks-san. Pff.. E tanking his way. First boss encounter lol, did he really make that amateur mistake of putting too much explosives?
Still, E's ability seems like a shout-out to plot armor protags, lol.
Parachutes. Thought so. A D, huh.
Well, overall, this chapter does set the tone and setting very well, plus the main duo. The narration gives it a slow and contemplative yet steady pace. An orientation, if you will. An 8k words orientation. I have a soft spot for contemplative kids alone in a strange world, but maybe I was thinking Miyazaki. X's personality is slightly annoying for me, but I still think she's okay, well-designed.
I'm more of a fan for fast-paced minimalism, but I can go with this.
It beats the early parts of MtO in my opinion. I wonder how long this story is going to be? Hope it's faster than MtO, but that's my love for fast developments speaking. Will come back for more. -w-b
| Psykofreac chapter 3 . 8/23/2015
During that car scene, if I were them, I would have cut E up so he'll fit through that small space before regenerating lol. G is probably my favorite character so far, all his lines are just too funny. Sad that B was taken out so quickly but N seems pretty cool too, reminds me of one of my own characters so i kind of imagine him having some shrill mad scientist voice. Wish we got to learn what that hunting woman's name is though.
As for that girl at the end, of course just killing her there wouldn't be right but personally, I didn't think taking her along was a good idea. I do "hope" she turns out good though, the group needs more people to interact with in my opinion.
| r3dacted chapter 3 . 8/17/2015
You know, these characters are startin to grow on me. U
Kind of simple, but then again, its the world ending and memories are lost, and besides, they're all easy to understand.
Erm, I'm rambling now, I'm really tired after doing a lot of work so I'll just type everything as it comes to mind without caring about anything.
The crew cracks me up, they're pretty fun to watch. and G calling the truck a mechanical beast was awesome w*b
I kinda figured he wouldn't say something normal about his school lyfe, but when X said "seems legit," I couldn't help but laugh.
I guess E's and X's past experiences in school make plenty of sense as to how they are who they are now.
Ah, B. Kinda hoped that she'd pull through and her attacker would be able to copy simply by touching her or something ;~;
As for X's not-babysitter, I wounder if she'll be a perma team member or if she'll run away or attack again or something. I kinda doubt you'll off her now before she regains consciousness, cause that would suck.
For her at least.
anyways, I'm rambling right now being half asleep, I don't really know if I should just save this or edit it for later, I did have autocorrect run through a bit, so hopefully it makes some sense. I'mma crash now, nite.
| Psykofreac chapter 2 . 6/21/2015
Femdom kink still strong as ever lol. Or at least it feels that way sometimes, not that it's bad. I mean many people are into that stuff. ;)
Though one thing wrong with it in my opinion is that it gets a little repetitive. Like, if I just pick a scene out of random and guess what's going on. If I said E/X worship/abuse, a good portion of the times(close enough) I'd be right. I think one of the factors is the lack of characters or environment, at least until G showed up. Maybe it's just longer than it's meant to be.
It's nice to see the two bonding better by the end of the chapter though, especially compared to earlier. Anyways, G seems okay, I like how he talks like some medieval knight, nice quirk. Feel kind of sorry for T, though I don't really agree with him, X had the right to defend herself. Neat how you made two similar sounding letters a couple.
I guessed that E was golem to trip the Golem into the river and use it as a bridge, well it's close enough. The foreshadowing of N was cool even if it's just in X's backstory right now. Funny how X punished E anyway, not knowing if he ate the noodles, though she could have found out be cutting him open. XD
Anyways, nice chapter, keep up the good work.
| r3dacted chapter 2 . 11/17/2014
Lol, I know how it feels to be in E's situation at the beginning. Then again, I have had paid more attention to my pets than other humans at a few points...
E really needs to think better of himself, I wonder what happened that made him so much like that. (not sure if I'm backtracking on the previous review I gave you a long time ago)
The G dude, seems pretty fun and bombastic, if not lacking in sense.
I'm assuming that Munch got that ramen. I highly doubt G had a chance to swipe it during that fight. though I wonder if he'll wind up being able to eat a crapton too...
Gotta love those moments where you try to save someone and its cause of them you wind up getting hurt QnQ
Stupid water. Why can't it just evaporate
Dem words in between the scene jumps though, I wonder whose they belong to...
Ah. X is only twelve! Got it, so that explains a little bit more then.
...it sucks that G was passed out this whole time, he didn't get much action other than y'know, himself introducing himself to E.
Wait, what if he was actually-
Nope, not even gonna try to say #itsaconspiracy this time, G is legit silly shounen character.
E also knows basic medical stuff? Well, its definitely helpful to know, and its not abnormal for kids to know this. Still curious about his age though, guess I'll need a reminder
| Psykofreac chapter 1 . 8/14/2014
Ha! I knew the "monster" E saw was going to become one of those mascot pet characters. Anyways, E's character seems rather questionable especially when it comes to morals, he's quite apathetic to the fate of the rest of the world while being nice to X. I'm torn between whether there's also some femdom fetish involved or if he's just an extreme doormat.
X on the other hand seems like she'll become one of those tsundere characters. I'm really iffy on how things will turn for the rest of the series since the letters imply there will just be 26 human characters? Probably no room for minor minor characters since the survivors all have a power let alone any extras. The fight with D was enjoyable-ish but not so special.
Your paragraphs are also notably shorter than in your other stories for some reason but still with some multiple speaker paragraphs.
| Kiento21 chapter 1 . 7/26/2014
Must have more! So good! :DDDDDD
| r3dacted chapter 1 . 7/18/2014
I swear Zeke if you don't stop giving peeps cool powers I'll become so jelly nutella will go out of business cause I'll be mass produced.
As always I'm digging the dynamics between the characters, *old lady voice* Its also always nice to see such a sweet and caring young man as the protagonist, knowing when and when not to worry .
Ahem, will you be uploading other drawings of these characters to your tumblr? u
| DappledKarma chapter 1 . 6/25/2014
The atmosphere and E's loneliness in the beginning was executed very well. I lol'd at how quickly E agreed to be X's slave. That also says quite a lot about both characters without saying much at all. Nice.
Wow, you were not kidding when you said things would get weird. X is, uh, a one-of-kind girl. I was both disturbed and amused at how, when E imagined her in the shower, she cut off his arm for it. On the topic of thoughts, I wonder if she can hear his because he's her slave and they've unknowingly entered a magical/supernatural contract of sorts. Or maybe it's love. :P
Six six six six. I see what you did there. Surprised she didn't turn him into mince eat after that one.
These two... what a strange pair. In fact, they may be one of the strangest I've come across in all fiction, and they fascinate me greatly. How did E come to be so lax and indifferent towards his own life, that he wouldn't mind becoming a slave to a girl he just met who tried to murder him in cold blood? Why is X so cruel, and does she really want E around only because he's useful as a shield, or is it something more, something integral to being human?
E talking about having goals beyond just surviving caught me off guard, didn't expect that from him, but he is still a kid who hasn't yet experienced the grim reality that is the apocalypse, after all. It also made me think of a certain poem from a certain episode that just aired recently from a certain show:
"Let us drink.
Drink to the human race.
In every age, there will be good and bad humans.
Human life is too long to devote to reproduction,
Yet too short to devote to learning, in the helix of time.
Perhaps that is why humans succumb to desire, and seek release.
Despite the fact that life is complete,
With the sun, the land, and Poetry."
- A certain dictator.
And suddenly E became sorta a badass. Though I guess I should say a deconstruction of a badass. He is not afraid not because he's brave or anything but because he genuinely believes his life means nothing. It's rather disturbing. Kudos, Zeke. I haven't been creeped out by such a character in a long time.
Hmm, so each character so far has a code name from a single letter. Does that mean there are 26 characters in all? I'm sure I'll get an answer someday.
Oho, X did not want the D. That's for sure. (I'm sorry, I had to.)
I'm a bit iffy on how a twelve year old girl was easily able to knock out a gun from a grown man's hand, but it's not a huge deal.
Nice subversion of whatever that trope is when a protagonist comes in contact with a mysterious hostile monster. Munch (such a cute name) surprised me. Then he gone and bit E's ear off. *shudders and lol's at the same time*
I gotta say, I feel a strange ambivalence toward this story, in regards to X's treatment of E. On one hand, it's a little amusing, the other it's disturbing.
Thanks for posting this one, Zeke. If I hadn't been so invested in MtO, I'd call this my favorite so far of the stories you've posted. Definitely looking forward to more.
You have some errors:
'His attire was simply, perhaps overly so.' *Should be simple? Or maybe you forgot to add another word or something.
'The first was a bathroom, the second was a laundry room and the third lead into a much larger hallways filled with doors.' *hallway.
I didn't look like anything in the city had power. *It
'I don't want to lose the one person I managed to find", E defended him. *himself
You also have several 'atleast' littered throughout. Not sure if intentional, but am sure that that's wrong.
| bruhgirl chapter 1 . 6/19/2014