Reviews for Project 2013 Story concept (Officially Canceled)
K.A.Stevens chapter 2 . 2/20/2017
Serg,over the time of reading these two chapters,I am proud to say you have good character development and the story is clear and thick.

I would consider reviewing more but with 451,I can see your work has been properly ridiculed and remarked on in both ways. Personally,I enjoy the story so well done.

Do you want an even tougher review,go to Sefra and get him to review. The reviews are harsh,but constructive and full of feedback.
BTW he likes it or he doesn't
ShatteredGlass01 chapter 1 . 5/18/2015
First, I have to say that your characterization is good. I can see what you want to portray in each of your characters. Second, the descriptions sometimes made me see the chaos of the war, as if I was seeing and experiencing the horror of it myself. However, I think someone already said this, but all the weapons terms and the random words of another language (I think it's German?) kind of make it confusing for me. Like, I wouldn't know that a "panzer" is a tank, if I hadn't watched some random anime which used that term before (i know, just a random fact). Also, when I just read the first chapter, I didn't see much of a plot, and I didn't really feel the urge to keep on going. I just read it, and saw... fighting, dying, and more fighting. I think you could possibly include more of a storyline to draw your readers on. Idk, just my opinion.
E. G. Stone chapter 12 . 4/19/2015
This chapter definitely got into more of Sigrid's character, which was good. I think that the "break" she suffered could have come on a bit more subtly, but it worked. Despite the character development, there doesn't seem to be much in the way of plot development; I understand that this war is long and such, but the plot grows stale when there is only battle after battle for the character to struggle through.

Otherwise, the story seems to be going well. Until next time.

S
gsmonks chapter 1 . 4/8/2015
Hi, Serg,

I read over as much of your story as I had time for. I like the mixed-language approach. Even with all its errors, it lends character.

Your characters are fairly well-developed, which is a good sign.

One thing you might work on is giving each character a distinctive voice. It's nothing to worry about- just something that develops over time.
E. G. Stone chapter 11 . 3/17/2015
The structure and form of this chapter definitely flow better than the first ones. I am getting a sense of direction with this and I can better understand where the battle is going and what the characters are thinking. However, the interactions with the characters, especially the shorter interactions between Sigrid and her peers, seem forced. I don't know if this is intentional or not, but I would have thought that these people would be less tense with each other, having experienced so much.

Otherwise, the story seems to be moving along. I don't know where it is going, but it is definitely progressing nicely. Some of the details seem too numerous and drown out the "big picture" as it were, so perhaps every once in a while you could draw back and let the reader put everything together and gain perspective.

S
Rumors of War chapter 4 . 3/3/2015
All I can say is that you certainly get right down to the nitty gritty of combat. I've read accounts by Germans fighting on the Eastern front, and especially Stalingrad. The descriptions of the horrific fighting doesn't compare to war in your story. I've never been a supporter of women in combat but you're story really makes my case, who would want to subject women to something like this? Once again a well written chapter, I look forward to reading the others in the near future.
Rumors of War chapter 1 . 2/21/2015
Interesting story Serg, however I'm a bit curious about all these women, there isn't much I don't know about World War II and especially Germany, and I was under the impression Hitler wanted the women to stay home and raise the children. That being said, I've got to say that you certainly know your equipment. The action is terrific, you have the terror of war down pat. I plan to follow your story as it offers a little different take on the war.
Fib112358 chapter 1 . 2/5/2015
I'm not one for long chapters but I enjoyed it.

It starts with a bang and doesn't stop. It also keeps us in the dark, giving us the feelings of unsure and confusion, things that a person in war feels. The character is written well as she's shown to have the love for her home land, and willingness to kill for it, whilst having some morality (it'll be interesting to see if the erodes over time.) In addition she's shown to a some points be in control and at some points freeze, this makes her relatable as no one is a constant badass or constant pussy.

The only real improvements i can think of are, change the letter to italics so that its easy to see and add a chapter break between the first and third person perspective sections.
E. G. Stone chapter 10 . 11/25/2014
I think that the letter at the beginning of the chapter was a good transition from the previous chapter; it made Sigrid seem more mundane, more real, reminding us that she has a life outside of the war. However, this feeling goes away as we get into the description of the action. That's fine, though, considering the situation. The "dream" about the spirit who claims to be her mother was a bit random. I felt like that had been thrown in for an effect, but I don't know what.

There were more grammar mistakes in this chapter than in previous, mostly with the issue of "person and I." You put I at the beginning of the list whereas it should go at the end. There were a few spelling mistakes, but otherwise it was fine.

Sorry for the late review. Being sick is fun.
S
dogs-cats chapter 1 . 11/25/2014
The conversations between the characters are really well written. Great job! I'll definitely read more.
Eripza chapter 1 . 11/25/2014
I like how you write. I'm not sure, but it seems to have some spelling mistakes like "Solders".
Some sentences were perhaps a bit heavy to read, but I think your story begins well.
TheTigress chapter 2 . 11/7/2014
Woah I'm sorry my review posted before I was finished. And I continue...

The descriptions of the weapons were a bit too much for people like me who have little to no knowledge about them. To me it was like reading Chinese. Perhaps you could make it more appealing to a more general audience? It will help to keep their interest. I spotted a few grammatical and spelling errors sprinkled throughout what I did manage to read, but overall it wasn't a major issue though I suggest you go back and proofread one more time.
TheTigress chapter 1 . 11/7/2014
I didn't get to finish chapter one because quite frankly it was very long. There were things that I liked and disliked from what I did read.

First of all, I personally don't really get into war-type stories. It's just not my cup of tea. However, I did like how you started the chapter off with action. The letter that she writes to her family is a nice touch. I also think it's interesting that the Fuhrer is... a woman?! Is this supposed to take place in the future or in the past? Since I didn't finish the first chapter I'm assuming I missed info that explains that. I'm pretty sure, however, that this doesn't take place in the timeline of the real world, given the fact that most of the army is made up of women. Some of the dialogue is a bit meh. I don't really like the cursing but I suppose in an army setting it's inevitable and that's just my opinion. I understand the German that you inserted into the story, but a lot of people probably don't know what you're saying. Although it's pretty basic German, most people that read this probably have trouble reading English alone as it is, and
White Sphinx chapter 1 . 11/7/2014
This story is really good so far, keep writing!
Calzer Dan chapter 1 . 11/4/2014
Got your PM, thanks a bunch. I like this, could use a lot of grammar revision though. I love the way this is told from the perspective of the bad guys, and you've made great attempts to portray that most of these people don't care for great ideologies, or nations. They just want to support their families. The alternate names are great as well, I can tell each of the nations real counterparts without much trouble.

Just one last thing, the liberal sprinkling of German around the place sometimes annoyed me a little, and having the title in German, but the bulk of the story in English can be a little irritating. It could break the flow of the work as people scramble to Google translate. Don't mistake me saying that what you have done is bad, just reel it in a little, if nothing else provide the English in brackets beside the titles. As for the dialogue, just don't do it, unless it something like "Panzerjager" which is a language specific phrase. These people are native speakers, this is their English. Just remember, I'm trying to help you as a writer, if you feel I'm getting too harsh, tell me.
46 | Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »