|Reviews for Missing|
| Elena May chapter 1 . 6/30/2014
Great story! You are turning it into a full novel, right? It definitely has potential.
I love how you describe the world around the girl by using different senses - she feels cold and wet; her hands are blue, etc. It is easy to imagine how she is feeling and what she sees and experiences.
You have some little mistakes or typos here and there, such as "wrong pace" instead of "place" or repeating "shoulders" twice in the same sentence, so you could re-read this and fix what you can spot.
A little piece of advice - you keep calling the bad guys "the criminals" all over again, and it sounds a bit vague and not scary enough. Maybe you should create a band with a name, or name their leader and somehow give the danger a face. Maybe you should mention one or two guys involved and what crimes they have committed in the past. Have they killed anyone else who messed with them? Some people receive death threats without it meaning anything. Try to make the danger real.
One thing I noticed - she is looking at a map on her phone. A phone can be tracked. If I were her, I would get rid of it.