Reviews for Little Black Cloud
An Eel chapter 1 . 8/9/2014
I can feel this story going in the right direction, but some of these chapters are rather short. One thing I like is that it gets straight into the plot rather than having to describe everything. What bothers me, however, is the way you write your sentences, or rather place them.

Your grammar is pretty good as well as your spelling, but I see a bit too many word repeats. I know sometimes it feels inevitable, but that's mainly because the way the sentences before are written.

The last paragraph, for example, had the word bag and box repeated a few times.

"I take my bag (take out the comma) and try to take a box of matches with my uncovered hands. After trying so many times, I finally take it out." The words "box" and "bag" aren't really needed, as we know what she was trying to do in the sentence before, and there weren't any sudden changes from that action.

I read through all your chapters, or rather skimmed through them. I just want to clarify that the transition to Ayse's POV from Fatmagul's is rather unnoticeable. You can put a dividing line between it just to make it clearer. At the first chapter you can signify that the line means that the POV changed to Ayse/Fatmagul. Then again, if you're going to have more characters, you'll need to come up with a way that clearly gives the idea that the view changed.

Just before I end this review: Vocabulary. Have a dictionary book, or a dictionary website opened (I don't trust Oxford's dictionary anymore, so I suggest you try ) For faster results, you can try , but make sure that when it shows the synonyms/antonyms, look them up first as they sometimes have a slightly different meaning in terms of attitude.

PS: You have a summary mishap.

Oh right, the summary. Let I don't have much to say about it, as it's executed rather fine. But I feel there can be a bit more "mystery" to it. Then again, sometimes the simpler the better.