Reviews for CaeluSarrarium
deadaccount2019 chapter 1 . 7/31/2014
)I have to say, I'm pretty hard-pressed to find anything wrong with this piece. Probably the only improvement I can suggest is perhaps tighten up some of the less necessary details, such as her mother scolding her posture. It would help keep the pace up, particularly in the first half, which felt a bit bogged down with info.

I love how she doesn't really give a crap outside of her little universe. She doesn't really experience any real moral or ethical dilemma, which really brings to focus her thought process. It's also intriguing because there's no sense of *trying* to make her likeable. I imagine as a person I wouldn't be crazy about her, but as a character I really appreciate how honest she is with herself in regards to her circumstances.

The transition into the second half was abrupt, but still felt quite natural. I was so caught up in the lull of her introspect that I kind of had an "Oh, someone's here?" moment that she seemed to also experience. It wasn't punchy, but it was definitely entertaining.

I *love* the pursuit. It flows well from Cueball and Shady first taking action, all the way to her escaping in the sewer, and at some points I even held my breath. Very enjoyable all around.

I like that although her fate seems sealed, it doesn't necessarily feel like a sad ending. Actually, if anything it leaves me pondering. Does Protozoa know/recognize her? Is she dooming it by clasping the universe (awesome framing device, btw)? Will Shady eventually find it? There's a lot of intrigue that makes me want more, but there's also a good sense of closure, so more isn't really needed. :)
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 1 . 7/29/2014
I'll have to re-read this once, since I missed a few things (hmm, I either didn't pay *enough* attention or this thing is a bit fast-paced, but I'll reserve judgement for the re-read :3). I can tell you things I definitely liked though - and one of them is the writing style. It's a mix of witty observations, imaginative descriptions and beautiful scenery descriptions that really blend and bleed into a compelling narrative. I'm not much for first person POV, but I enjoyed this, because the opening paragraphs re: the narrator's disorder and her really not caring were just so precious and unique. I'd love to read more in this kind of tone :D!

This leads me to the second thing I really enjoyed - namely the narrator herself. She's kind of unique, as in how little she seems care about propriety and how screwed-up her life is. I think you've subverted gender expectations by writing a female who's so nonchalant and leads this rough and tumble cowboy lifestyle. I love how she just escaped XD. I find the idea especially compelling that she admits to having wasted the money on booze, sex and all that - it's very open and honest. I love that :3

I also really like the idea of this little planet/globe. I kind of garner from the hints that you give us that this is a broken world, possibly a dystopia. There's just those little hints that make me wonder where this takes place, but anyhow more intriguing to me is the idea of this globe. It's unique and compelling, and I'd not have minded learning more about it :3

Personally, I feel there just could be more to this :3 (encouragement, not criticism!).
Timbo Slice chapter 1 . 7/27/2014
This was a fun little story, I especially liked the futuristic concept with its gritty, techno thriller atmosphere that was highlighted through the eyes of the witty protagonist and the terse yet descriptive prose that brought it all together. The idea of the Universe Globe was awesome and whether it was your intention or not conjured up the idea of humans playing God and our role in the universe, so props for having a deeper, more profound undertone to your story.

I also loved the axial science you instilled into he globe such as Goldie Lock planets and Protozoa because they are subjects I find absolutely fascinating and it lends an air of, I wouldn't say "realism" per se, but maybe believability to the context of the futuristic story.

Good job!
alltheeagles chapter 1 . 7/22/2014
For the RG EF

I like the concept of the story, of someone who has so much and has never cared about what she owned except this one thing that she doesn't really own. I think it might be making some kind of statement against materialism and consumerism, only I'm not too sure what the message actually is. I I also like the questions that you raise: s the idea that she's become a 'god' that's made her so responsible, or is it something greater along 'finding oneself' lines? Is this a story of the maternal instinct or are her actions more selfish than they appear? Very thought-provoking.
Highway Unicorn chapter 1 . 7/8/2014
Wow, okay. This was a really cool concept you had going on. The idea of playing God, I believe, is something a lot of humans think about and I bet would actually engage in if given the chance. (I know I probably would.)

But this idea-having them in what I took to be a circular globe like object-was really interesting and I'm highly curious about the society the narrator lives in where globes like this are sold. Are they blackmarket material? They seem pretty expensive as well, since it appears the narrator had to sell a lot of her stuff and take a loan from a shark.

And the obsessive side of the narrator was entertaining to read. To me, she seems to have gotten really sucked into the whole God-like complex, which is a cool characterization point, imo. Maybe it's more than that. Maybe she just really cares for her little universe because *she* made it. It's kinda like a part of her...a child even. She raised them...she gave them a *home*...

And den dat mean ol shark trying to come up in thar and take it all away ;_;

I know this is just a short for the contest, but I can totally see this being expanded one day. You've peaked my interest.

Overall: A very enjoyable read! :D

Good luck on the contest!