drawing of between... delete of

Ok I thought the end confusing but then I read your description, and it all made sense. So she's asleep and drawing. Obviously she has visions in her sleep of all kinds of things. She probably knows a lot of what's going in this world.

I have so many questions, does live on a flying land or the surface? Is it with magic or cebromancy that she has these visions? Does she look at her drawings later?

Why do you tease so?

Another great short, leaving me wanting more.

I had a feeling she was sleep-walking.

Vyara . . . I like the name. The way you described things was captivating. Even with the long descriptions, you added music to it with beautiful prose, and I loved it. Vyara's box sounded intricate, precious but, also at the same time, delicate hints of evil.

Vyara's drawing reminded me of the Monolith in one of Matka's stories. The similarity gave me a sort of spooky feeling.

And that's another spooky tale from you Barbados! :O

Once again, I've seen some cases of "Drawing random lines at certain times of the night" stuff in games and movies, but this really piqued my interest. Everything from the description of the room to the terrifying descriptions of Vyara's drawing... eegh! Gave me shudders!

Now I just want to know what that drawing means? Could it be a monolith? :O

Great job my friend! Keep it up!

Sorry, didn't realize that I was logged out when I wrote the review below me.

From the way I interpreted it, it looks as if Vyara has a deep desire to express art either by writing, abstract art or composing music, and it manifested to her sleep. Judging from way the house was described and how it was pointed that "at the other end was her father's" room rather than her parents suggest that the household is struggling either financially or emotionally. I imagined it was a happier place when I read "once brightly depicting flowers but now faded and patched." Maybe the mother died and this was the daughter's way of coping. I don't now, I don't really want to judge, but I wouldn't be surprised.

Another thing that got me curious is whether she knows that she has a pile of artworks beneath her bed since she was, after all, asleep when she created them. According to my parents, I used to sleepwalk to my closet and sleep there when I was a toddler. I have no recollection whatsoever and a quick google search shows that it's true for other people. Chances are I don't think Vyara even knows what she's doing.

Hmm. So an outer-body experience? I'm a little spooked but also deeply engrossed and fascinated! I must read more. It resonated of ancient Japanese traditions and I particularly loved your precise detail of the scenes, painted with words. It seems almost a prologue to a bigger story, one of mystery and the supernatural underground of spiritual existence. Tell me if I'm wrong, but certainly this chapter alone holds great potential to be an original and unique tale of wonderment. So much so, I wish I had wrote it! Thanks for sharing, ZB.

Quite short, but the air of mystery does leave an impression on the reader. It has a very "piece-of-the-puzzle" type of feel to it, which under normal circumstances would feel like a bad thing, but I can't bring myself to criticize it in this case. Very atmospheric; it feels almost like a build-up to something bigger. A true prologue. While not much happens and there is very little pay-off for a standalone story, it does raise enough intrigue to go and read the other works.

Good job!

Best of luck with your future projects!

A very intriguing opening that leaves me wanting more. You raise many questions, undoubtedly, and for someone like me who can't stand loose ends, it's maddening and stimulating at the same time - I feel that if you won't tell me what happens next then I have to supply a story myself. ... yeah... I'm weird.

The description is superb, restrained in detailing but feeding the imagination enough to let it take flight. I gotta practice writing this way!

Hi I just wanted to check out your work as you seem currently active on the site (so I won't reach the end of what you've written to be disappointed that you'll never continue) and I love the idea of a fantasy writer who builds so many layers around the world they have built (it seems like you have many different stories all with different angles on the same world, this thought made me very excited as it shows you put a lot of effort and thought into your work and passion in creating and writing will lead to passion in reading for me, I believe.)

I read this first, out of your works, as you kind of gave a chronological order in your profile and this seemed the logical starting point of the two one-shots. I'm glad I have as it gives a tantalising glimpse into the kind of world you are going to continue building. I also wanted to see what your style of writing would be like, which made me glad to see a one shot which I could dip my toes into your work in, so to speak, and get a feel for it all. I was glad to see you have a good style, your description is vivid and your build up was very well done.

We don't get to know much about Vyara here as a character, and that would usually turn me off as characters are the main staple of stories for me, but thats actually a strength here as you have built enough mystery and interest around her that this just makes me want to read on to find out more.

Specific points:
I loved the line [Not once did she pause or hesitate, as if the image had always been there and she was simply revealing it.] because it brings up so many questions, propelling me to need more.
I also like the [curious patterns of dots and dashes arranged in rows of horizontal lines covered others], it sounds very mysterious and intriguing as its not the usual kind of magical/mystical/unusual markings I would expect.
And the fact she was asleep the whole time is fascinating! I wasn't actually expecting that. It adds a whole other dimension of intrigue here and I am already very interested to read more.

I did find a slight typo at one point, as you refer to Vyara as "Vayra" (end of second paragraph)

Overall a very nice introduction to a fantasy world which appears to hold a lot of promise. Nice work :)

The shortness of this piece is prefectly suited for the style of a prologue.

The descriptions are nice, and do help with the flow, and I wonder of there are grander plans in store.

This is not enough :3 Am anticipating more.

Interesting. So this girl draws in her sleep? Is she possessed? I get a very good image of the house and you depict the setting beautifully. As usual, you leave your reader wanting to know more about the characters and your world. You are very creative in the plot structure, not reveling the twist until the end of this second, which gives the entire piece a whole other meaning. At first I was curious as to why she was sneaking around. Did her father not want her to draw/write? Were women forbidden from that sort of thing? The time setting of the story is clear. Without dialog, you capture attention well. Lots of mysteries, I hope we get some answers to all the questions you unhinge.

Great work!

Sorry it took me FOREVER to get back to you! I hope you keep on writing!

Eerie but fantastic. Leaves me with questions but still plenty satisfied. Great work.

Okay, so I really enjoyed this for a few reasons. As I've begun to read more of your writing, it seems like you have a number of short stories all circling around one main novel that has yet to make itself known (to me). I am really enjoying all the glimpses and hints!

Additionally, you do a really great job of having the ending line of this story drive home a subtle point, while simultaneously opening up additional questions. Not to mention, upping the creep factor! This is the second story of yours I've read concerning this crystal, and I am so curious.

I did notice a few times where it seemed (to me) that a comma was missing. That being said, I appear to be a worshiper of the comma, so it's entirely possible that I am over-using them. My suggestions are below; as always, feel free to completely ignore them. Comma or no comma, I really enjoyed this.

"...growing colder this late in the year[,] she made no move toward..."
"Following that[,] she slid the box back under..."

Oh. My. Goodness. This piece, however short, was insanely captivating- your attention to detail was just right. Not too much, not too little. I cannot express how much that comes into play when reading a good story. And now I'm curious about Vyara and her personality as well!
Great work, I'm definitely following!

I'm surprised I did not take note of it on your other piece (or I might have, I can't remember now) but one of the key reasons I believe your prose is so beautiful is due to your verb choice. You always pick the perfect verb for the situation (sounds simple, but I think it is a true skill).

The opening sentence using "slipped" makes for such a great mental image. I think "ragged" clutters that sentence as an unnecessary adjective, but I guess it does invoke a certain mood.

"After squeaking in protest...the door yielded and slid open." Beautiful. How long does it take you to come up with this stuff?

Opening sentence of second paragraph is very cluttered. You might disagree, but I recommend at least revisiting it.

Your third paragraph establishes a wonderful (wonderfully eerie) tone. Dull rooms and withering flowers are common devices used in depicting eerie moods, but you do it very well.

The entire fourth paragraph, I have absolutely no words for how fluid the prose it, and how perfectly paced it is. You write with such flair and yet you still manage to control it, I am growing quite jealous of this ability! haha

"Gingerly, as if handling a sacred relic..." that seriously drew me in; very fitting simile.

"having been asleep the whole time", what a perfectly, poignant way to end such a piece of writing. You, Barbados, are a truly talented writer who deserves many more reviews. Pace, prose, verb selection, plot - having a firm grasp on one of them is not particularly hard; having a firm grasp on all of them is quite hard; but having the ability to bring them all together without have stuttered or stumbling writing - that is true skill. And you do that.

Keep it up, I hope to read more soon!
-MFR