|Reviews for Cable Ready Techno Slut|
| Mislav chapter 1 . 3/31
Wow. Very disturbing. Great characterization like usual. Chilling insight into Nadia's mind. The beginning was especially intense. You portrayed Nadia's anxiety very well. I was worried Vincent would do something to her. But the ending was something else. I had no idea what would happen until the very end. I though Nadia would either give in to Vincent's advances, or he would do something horrible to her, but you took a very different route. That escalated quickly. Though it was obvious that Nadia had a messed up childhood, I didn't expect that reveal about Lenny. I wonder if "The hammer was her special little toy that she had 'borrowed' from Lenny's toolbox after he had died and while it hurt her every time she had used it, it was a comfortable, familiar pain" means that Nadia had killed before, maybe Lenny too? Keep it up. Looking forward to reading more of your stories.
| wisedec4u chapter 1 . 9/13/2015
Opening scene really drew you in. The I loved the way you built up the tension between Nadia and Vincent as well as giving us a bit of backstory about Nadia. It gave me a better understanding of her state mind and up the fear factor even more.
The ending was definitely a surprise to say the least. Though I suspected Vincent would be back, I never thought that she would kill him. The graphic way she took out her frustration, resentment and rage against her Aunt and Uncle on Vincent made the scene even more satisfying in my opinion.
I have to admit as woman this was hard for me to read the scene. There were times when I thought about not finish it. There’s quite a few triggers in it. That aside, you did a excellent job conveying Nadia fear and vulnerability. As reader, I felt the heightened tension when Vincent came in close proximity like predator stalking his pray. The online chat between was even more chillin’ and twisted. I’m so glad I finished reading it to the end because the ending was so worth it.
I liked the duality of Nadia’s character. She was painted as a shy little mouse, a victim used to being controlled and used by other. I liked by the end of the story she took matters into her own hands and became the total opposite an vulnerable victim. Vincent was total creep and I hated him from the beginning. To be honest, I felt no sympathy for this character when he got his just rewards in the end.
| Shampoo Suicide chapter 1 . 10/7/2014
I really liked the opening to this, I found it established the mood of the overall story well and also thought it to be attention grabbing. I also liked the overall tone of the piece, very chilling and well done. I can see why it hurt to write! The descriptions in some areas were almost painful to take in. Well done!
| Longe chapter 1 . 8/10/2014
Review Game- Easy Fix
The tension was very palpable throughout this story. Everything from Nadia's feelings of fear and anxiety to Vince's advances really set the mood.
The ending was interesting. Nadia's internet secret really showed the readers just how damaged she really was. When she killed Vince, there's no doubt that no one was expecting it.
| Ventracere chapter 1 . 8/4/2014
One thing that I definitely liked was how you started your characterization right from the get go. It doesn't give us time to wonder who this man is going to be like, what side he's going to be on (figuratively). IT gives us a clear picture to start on, even if you don't give us what you picture him as.
And then, when you do give us what he looks like, it's something you would picture a general person on the street, not someone who might be dangerous. And you state that quite frankly as well. I don't know if you need to say it considering you already "showed" us that :)
Well. And that goes to say how although you took your time building up in this story, it does come to a bang of an ending. One part that I did really like, despite Nadia becoming a potential villain in the end is this "... it felt exquisitely sublime to not be the victim for once in her miserable existence." this captures what Nadia has been throughout the chapter despite you never saying it out loud. Another thing I liked about that particular sentence is how poignant it is to Nadia's character. She has power to do something, but never had an opening until then. Even if it was something so violent.
| Jalux chapter 1 . 8/3/2014
I think the atmosphere you wrote in this was well executed, it's chilling and creepy to read about this messed up girl and makes the piece a lot more enjoyable. Nadia's characterization was nice, I liked the way you described her and with such a limited word count you really managed to bring out a lot in her, there's relationships and a bit of backstory here. And that ending, I did not expect that actually, really nice shock factor. Who instantly kills in self-defense and finds it fun? I know Nadia is messed up but still...:(
| Meng En chapter 1 . 8/1/2014
I liked the characterization of Nadia Davis; it was kept consistent and obvious to the reader in portraying her weak, powerless personality. In doing so, it left room for the deeper, crazier sort of existence Nadia experienced towards the end of the chapter.
It was somewhat confusing towards the ending, since we don't really have a clear idea what just happened, but I sense that it was somewhat intentional of the author to do so here. In contrast, the antithesis was done well between the repair man and Nadia, as well as the contrast between Nadia prior to the Facebook-ing and after.
You portray the atmosphere rather well, as well as the literary motifs in this particular chapter.
| tronks chapter 1 . 7/30/2014
I like the way the story immediately jumps into showing our scene, which hooks the reader. The descriptions are pretty great and you tell at the proper intervals.
I'm immediately worried for the protagonist and curious where the story will go.
'a weak little mouse' I'd remove this as we're already aware of her mouse-like features
This story was good to me, and very gripping because of the realistic characters. Sometimes the pacing was a tad slow, but it was an immersing story. It got surprisingly detailed by the end, but I liked it because it showed a lot of character in these people.
The ending was a little confusing to me. I was surprised she turned and attacked so quickly. The psychology around her killing was still very interesting. Other than some shaky sentences, this story holds up and is unique in its content.
| m. b. whitlock chapter 1 . 7/29/2014
RG EF #5,923
This is such a gothic (I mean 'old school' gothic) horror story. It reminds me of black and white atmospheric horror movies of the 1960s like 'The Haunting'. You do a lot in this with mood and impression and then build towards the violent 'Nadia goes atavistic' ending. Good work.
Here are notes:
Like this character description:
"He was stocky and somewhat portly with a clean shaven baby face, his greasy darkish brown hair conspicuously combed over his balding scalp." Really interesting how 'cable guy' iconic old school repair dude Grifter is (like that his name is 'Grifter'). He really doesn't seem anything like an Apple 'genius' worker at all. Just like the interior of Nadia's home he's out of another era it seems.
Okay, confused by this:
"He looked like any number of repairmen on the job, not a murderer or rapist, yet Nadia was instantly unnerved by his presence, maybe because despite being a reasonably attractive young woman she was not used to men eying her with unabashed boldness." I think it will work if you break it up into separate sentences.
Really like this part. You show a lot of sensitivity for Nadia here:
"but she could not turn him away without a rational explanation, as that would most likely lead to a confrontation, and Nadia Davis was not a confrontational woman by any means, so she put on her best smile and let him inside."
You could be clearer here I think about what you mean:
"she had a sinking feeling that his blunt swagger was just a front for a more dubious disposition." Like his swagger is just the beginning. Perhaps the second part of the sentence "was just a front for amore dubious…" isn't necessary. You could just go straight into "He tailed behind her much too closely."
"looks like a maidens quarters." A maiden's? not a spinster's? The word 'maiden' implies someone young, whereas 'spinster implies a woman who is past her most attractive years.
Like mundane details like this:
"So Nadia dried her hands, took a dry glass from the cupboard and ran the cold tap."
Not exactly 'symbolism':
"in a position of pure, unadulterated sexual symbolism." More like sexual boldness I think. I feel if it's symbolism, he should be holding up a wrench or a banana or something, a 'symbol'. ;) No big or anything. :)
I like how we *know* the computer repair guy doesn;t believe her for a second.:
""Hmm, nice place for a policeman. I bet he's working the beat right now ain't he?""
Seriously freaky ending. Powerful stuff.
| deadaccount2019 chapter 1 . 7/27/2014
I think the one thing that put me off a little with the story is just how blatant Grifter is. It of course could simply be that he recognized how isolated Nadia was and decided it would be safe to be so inappropriate, but I just found there were moments (such as making contact, or coming super close to contact with the groin) where it seemed a little over the top, and thus felt a bit more ridiculous than creepy.
By this point I'm used to your twist endings, and you did not disappoint here. :) I had wondered how Grifter would come back into the thick of things, and I have to say you really pulled off his part of the horror very well. The same can also be said for Nadia, whom I'd suspected would take some sort of action by the end. I love how you built her up and pulled me into letting down my guard. Even knowing *something* was coming, I was still kind of startled by the climax, which is a great thing to be able to pull off with readers already familiar with your work.
Creepy but great read! :D Looking forward to more.
| faerie-gumdrops chapter 1 . 7/27/2014
I liked this. As always, I’m impressed by how different the things that you write are. In this one, I think I was particularly impressed with your characterisation of Nadia, and how you subtly wove in her backstory – with her uncle and her aunt. The way you sort of wove them into the descriptions of the house was really cool – how it’s full of their things, almost as if it’s haunted by their ghosts. And I think the reveal of what actually happened between her and Lenny was suitably shocking, and worked really well with the build-up of her character, and why she might be so edgy and have such issues with self-esteem.
Minor grammary, typo-y things:
‘as if [he] actually expected her to swab’ – typo here.
‘yet?” [she] asked meekly’ – this happened a few times. It’s the same sentence (ish), so no need to capitalise the dialogue tag.
Haha, because I’m a gore-fiend, I would have maybe preferred a little more detail on the end there, but obviously that’s completely up to you! Just given how you built up the repair guy’s menace slowly and beautifully, I think you can afford to break him apart a little more :p.
| Highway Unicorn chapter 1 . 7/22/2014
Wouldn't his IM name be "Vince Handyman Grifter" instead of "Griftman69"? I only ask this because I have never seen the names different on FB. I'm not bringing this up as a negative or anything, just simple curiosity.
Ok. Wow. So much happened.
Nadia's character is very complicated. One moment, she's this shy little "mouse," the next, she's this lustful "goddess." I liked that you tapped into the idea of people become bolder, or even more confident behind the computer screen rather than in person because I believe it relates to a lot of people out there.
And I liked how you played around with that deep anger in her and how she basically exploded by the end and ultimately killed a person (who I'm pretty sure was Vince). I like it because one, I thought it was cool to show how bad suppressed anger and emotions can go, especially dealing with situations as she went through, and, two: I thought you did a really good job at conveying it.
Vince showed signs of a controlling person, obsessive even.
| alltheeagles chapter 1 . 7/22/2014
For the RG EF
Your characterisation of Nadia is well done, I think. Her physical description and the account of her background are clear and work together cohesively to give us a sense of what she is like: repressed and drab. I think you could have toned down the direct references to the sexual aspect of how Vince was harrassing her and let the readers work that out themselves, because even without those references, you have managed to convey the air of menace through your description of Vince’s speech and behaviour. I like how you tie in Nadia’s anger towards Viola and the results of her childhood trauma to her present situation. And you have your usual twist at the end – cool!
| Aki1 chapter 1 . 7/21/2014
I like being surprised. I like it when stories blindside me. And I have to say more than a few times while reading this story I thought I knew where it was going, but then it totally went somewhere else and I really enjoyed that! If the multiple bait-and-switch instances were deliberate (I'm pretty positive at least some of them were), I have to say it was very clever.
Also, I like how the tone throughout never quite stops being... eerie? Even during the lulls when there's neither any real interaction nor Nadia recalling her... less than stellar... memories, the mood is sustained and carried throughout. And that ending: the penultimate paragraph was twitchy, frantic, a little bit crazy and it made my heart hurt, and I mean that all in a good way.
Thanks for sharing this! :3
JM (from the RG EF!)
| Jitterbug Blues chapter 1 . 7/21/2014
I thought this was very dark and grotesque but I enjoyed the vividness of this piece. It made everything creepier and more disturbing because you got an idea of how screwed-up the young woman was. I think it wasn't erotic, which too made sense and made the story disturbing.
I liked how you described the woman's trauma through her inner voice in the form of her aunt. It showed just how haunted she was/how the woman controlled her. I also liked how the effect of her father's rape was explored by her imagining it. It showed that she was truly damaged.
I liked her timid behavuour and her aggression later. It made sense within the context of her trauma