|Reviews for Monolith
| Jaya Avendel chapter 1 . 11/10/2017
The way you end brings to many questions to mind! What happens next to Matka? Does he die? It briefly occurred to me that this story explains how Matka ended up in his situation in Blackout. Perhaps the monolith teleported him and wiped his memory?
I like Matka's character even though, in the way you describe him, he sounds like he is cruel. He kills without mercy those who possess the Gifts. I wonder if he does have a heart.
The story kept my attention very well, being interesting . Rather a pity you ended so abruptly.
| Inala chapter 1 . 11/2/2017
Another great piece, exciting, suspenseful, and revealing.
I enjoyed getting a glimpse of life from another dryn'mar, and one who enjoys severing his master's.
It's hard to think of slaves enjoying being slaves, especially to our modern minds, but when it's all you know or in Matka's case, he is probably treated better, but then I have read any of the other stories to see what their slavery is really like.
All that being said, I'm excited to read more. Great work. Keep it up.
| BradytheJust chapter 1 . 6/6/2017
Alright Barbados, in various games, stories, and Roleplaying forums... I have lived in fear of the Monolith. Untouchable yet alluring... I've seen and been part of wars fought to unlock its secrets, I've bankrupted myself attempting to understand even an iota of the knowledge into those things, and I've seen those darn things destroy my empire.
This story sent me down that fearful path again, and It was a good ride! Everything from the story to the character of Matka to the thought that finding this Monolith is part of a larger war. I also liked the quote "Could think of some peers who had stones for brains, but he'd never encountered brains in stones"
And now the Monolith is active... and I'm concerned for what will happen next!
| zanybellecloudo chapter 1 . 8/17/2016
An intriguing start and I’m pleased to say I’ve read the story of Matka who wakes up with memory loss, but perhaps that story features after this? I must admit, I find it confusing when people split stories and pose them as individual pieces. However, that’s enough grumbling. I was particularly impressed by your description of Matka’s inability to ‘read people’ and the psychological reasons why this task was extremely difficult. It is often the case people are partly unaware of who they are, let alone another discovering or seeing this. Your imaginary of a canvas with layers of repainted images worked perfectly.
I’m now fascinated to know what this crystal is, and why it emits such powerful “Gifts”. You can feel his frustration at being unable to understand the object and yet his determination to please his “Masters” and not fail in his quest. Again, I am left wondering whether Matka is good or evil, especially with his non-hesitant killing of others with Gifts purely to maintain his supreme status. Yet, perhaps others with Gifts are evil too? I’m really unsure.
Lastly, as a mere suggestion, as this story features by itself, I would take the time to describe Matka’s appearance. You reference his claws and fiery breath, yet what does Matka look like? Is he reptile or mammal? It feels important to note this so the image of him trying to destroy the crystal is clearer in the reader’s mind. I always feel a balance is needed in deciding what to describe in a story. No one can view the entire story, and, thankfully, the writer cannot describe it all. Thus, selection of the most important detail will either add or subtract from the fictional world created.
I hope to read more of this story soon. Thanks for sharing, ZB
| AngryFerrets chapter 1 . 7/31/2016
This was a horrific tease! :) It sure brought up a host of questions. Is it related to the Chrystifix (sp?) from Cerebromancers? Are the Dryn or Dryn Mar capable of some type of Cerebromancy? As usual the writing was top notch and my only complaint is that it leaves you wanting more!
| alltheeagles chapter 1 . 7/8/2016
Yet another tantalising glimpse full of promise. Coming to this from Cerebro, I'm better able to pick up the plot, but I must say that if I were reading this fresh I'd be one puzzled reader. Puzzled AND curious in my case, which makes for motivation to read on if there were a continuation, but it's undeniably skimpy in the instant gratification department, which doesn't bode well for the short-attention-span-cable-channel-hopping generation.
There's a David Attenborough nature commentary feel to a lot of this, actually. It gets the job done vis a vis information transmission, but I wonder if perhaps this would have greater impact if it were worded more personally or in a stream-of-consciousness style that detours into memories and personal observations every now and then for the details while keeping the main plotline going.
| Ckh chapter 1 . 5/11/2016
Its a bit repetitive, but the piece does establish some kind of physics in this world, and the lore.
The introduction of the mechanics, monoliths with power pretty much asks the reader to think and wonder about this strange, and this is certainly the type of fantasy tale that can become Great.
| Thewise chapter 1 . 8/30/2015
Interesting piece. Perhaps I did not read this properly, but is Matka a dragon or some reptilian creature? I can tell this piece comes from a larger world, and with this brief passage you installed a sense of culture. I enjoyed you explanation of the magic works in this piece.
I'm guessing he died at the end? Became a part of the Crystal? This world seems very complex. A piece well written.
| LorrahBear chapter 1 . 7/15/2015
I love the line "Matka always obeyed." It's a short thing, but it so clearly indicates exactly what kind of man he is. I've enjoyed reading this one. You've left me with so many questions, with just enough knowledge given to make me realize I desperately need to know more.
A few small grammatical/punctuation suggestions:
"With a flash[,] one face of it radiated..."
"...in times of great emotional intensity[,] the dormant side awakened..."
"For two months, he had been [away] from his home..."
| 2 Turtles chapter 1 . 8/3/2014
This is very good so far! I love how it starts out with the mystery of the crystal. It's a great hook. I also like how you incorporated pieces of information about the world without it being overwhelming. The protagonist's name is super cool, too! And I think it'll be fun to slowly discover his abilities.
Now a few suggestions:
In the fourth paragraph, the words "Gifts" and "Gifted" are repeated a lot. It's a small problem, but it does make the paragraph a tad harder to read.
In the third to last paragraph, I would take out the word "suddenly", as that is something you should imply with the verb.
Finally, when you say, "Then the pain hit him," maybe just take out the word "him." Shorter sentences are good for action and sudden events. Also good for building suspense.
I don't have any big picture critiques. It looks very good overall, just change those small details. The writing is great and you have some good vocab words in there! Good job!
| MFR chapter 1 . 7/31/2014
Great to see another piece up!
Right into the first two lines, the mood is wonderfully set. "crystal spire jutted", "radiated, "...chest rose and fell with a heavy sigh" - I was right about you being wonderful at verb usage. What I would do though is omit "pale blue" before "crystal spire" as you go on to describe the eerie blue fading to paleness in the next sentence (it also doesn't make the opening sentence feel as cluttered).
Well-paced escalation of tension into the second and third paragraph.
The opening of the fourth paragraph confused me...I think this might be because of the abundance of "his's", I did need to read it three or four times.
I love that you mentioned this 'Gift signal' without going into extreme detail immediately (you'll be surprised how many writer's bring up something unique and then abolish the interest with a detailed exposition)...intrigue is what keeps an audience hooked!
And then 'psychic side' later on, even more intrigue! I want to knooow!
Wonderful simile with "a canvas with many pictures drawn upon each other", it helps me to understand Matka's ability (without you going into a long and boring description of it. That really was a strong simile).
Wonderful ending, introducing more questions with the "Freedom Force" and such. Plus I'm very curious to learn of these crystalline objects in terms of psychic impressions (got to lend it to you, that sounds awesome) and empathetic links. Coherent magic systems are always exciting, and it seems like you have a great one ready for your readers.
Looking forward to the next installment!