Reviews for All Around
Written In Red chapter 1 . 8/1/2014
Very true. I liked your closing point. As far as punctuation goes I don't think there's anything out of place. I think some of the commas may be a bit distracting. As readers we know to pause because the line ends. I don't know that the commas are necessary.
Meng En chapter 1 . 8/1/2014
The excessive usage of commas halt the flow and rhythm of the poem. However, since your poem doesn't necessarily follow through a typical form or set, you can freeverse your emotions however the way you want.
On a personal note, while I do understand your sentiments, folks might get the wrong idea with your "how can people be so blind". Remember that the Book does state for your words to be full of grace, not blunt trauma.
Kat-Renee Kittel chapter 1 . 7/28/2014
Sometime in my poetry I take out the commas and just use the period.
Breaking the line into pieces and using the commas can be the same thing.
Since the lines are already broken, the commas are not completely necessary.
However, keeping them in does seem to make the reader pause longer than just the break in the line. If you want to use the commas for longer pausing, I would take out the following commas on these lines: "The rivers thrash" "All around me" and "be so blind." As I read the poem, these three lines seem to have better rhythm without the longer pause.

P.S. the editor took out the link to national geographic in my other review. If you would like to view some fantastic photos to help with poetic inspiration, just search these words "Your Shot at National Geographic." Should be the first link to show in the search. It's such a wonderful place to view photography from amateur and pros that I wanted to let you know about it to encourage your poetry writing. Poetry to Our Creator and beautiful nature photos just go together. Purrs and Prayers, Katie Kat.