Reviews for Broken Angel
SeanR91 chapter 1 . 7/30/2014
Man what a racey start, I felt like we needed a bit more description of both people. Maybe have ace describe her features and what he loved about them and With the main girl have her feelings explained more subconsciously. Otherwise it was good albeit a little short.
Sepha chapter 1 . 7/30/2014
…I'd say "Welcome to Fictionpress," but that doesn't really matter does it? What matters is the story that you wrote.


STORY: Well, you lost me halfway through the summary, but from what I read, I can tell this is the story of a girl and her relationship with a boy.

PROS: You made a good choice to go with the romance genre, which appeals to me. It's off to a rather nice start; shrouded in mystery without much explanation. I hope you talk about what's happening in the next chapter.

CONS: It seems like it's paced a bit too fast. Also, your summary needs fixing in terms of content. Don't introduce yourself in that part; the summary is used to attract people to your story, not for stuff like "Hey, can you please check out my story? I'm new here, and I need to know what I'm doing right and wrong." You do that at the beginning of the chapter, as an author note.

SCORE: 5.5 out of 10


CHARACTERS: The male and female leads, Ace and what's-her-face respectively.

PROS: Um…hm…Well, I like shy girls.

CONS: The boy needs to control himself. If I could call him anything, it'd be a "lustful bastard." I don't like him in the slightest. Your female lead also needs to be a bit more direct with him; I know I said I liked shy girls, but seriously. You're just gonna let her get raped or something?

SCORE: 4 out of 10


WRITING: Told in the first person format from the girl's POV.

PROS: I can read it without getting irritated. Good job.

CONS: Too short. Extend the chapter to, like, 1,500 words or something. It'd also help improve your score as well.

SCORE: 5 out of 10


CHAPTER ONE FINAL VERDICT: I need more to go off of, so I'll stick with it for now. That doesn't mean it's good. But it kinda is.

Now, given the categories of Story, Characters, Writing, as well as my own personal enjoyment, has me giving Broken Angel a numerical score of:

5.13 out of 10, with a reading recommendation. However, I will follow it in order to give a more deserving score.
Lily Miichelle123 chapter 1 . 7/30/2014
First off, welcome! :) It's great to have new authors joining Fictionpress! *applause* :D Second, this story is totally awesome so far! I'm so favoriting this! XD I can't wait to read more! Good job girl! ;D
Chiisutofupuru chapter 1 . 7/30/2014
What your other reviewer said.
Honestly, keep writing! Make it longer!

UprisingHotdog chapter 1 . 7/29/2014
Dam! Can't wait until what happens next... More please?!