|Reviews for Discovery of the Guardians|
| ms silverquill chapter 4 . 9/30/2014
I really liked this chapter. The interactions between Kiara and Xavier were sweet, but I especially enjoyed the scene with Kiara and Tania. There were just a few things that caught my attention:
I think there might be an error in the fourth paragraph. "The sound of him sent..." should probably be "The sight of him".
And then after he says "I like to hear you talk..." they go into a 'confounded' elevator. I'm not sure that's the right word for an elevator.
The lack of transition between the quote-banter in the kitchen and Kiara being back in her room is a little jarring.
| Marcelline Faye chapter 8 . 8/31/2014
Oh, my, what can I say? I am completely in love with your story.
At the end, the messages didn't quite translate into fictionpress, but that's just a minor detail. I still understood it fine, and as I mentioned before, I still love this story and your writing.
Your descriptions are awesome, and really do a lot for your writing. The characters are interesting and well-rounded, and the plot is very solid and intriguing. I am on the edge of my seat every time I read this.
Great job, and I look forward to more!
| Feirai chapter 5 . 8/24/2014
Damn...I think this is my favorite chapter, it made me laugh quite a bit 'Taylor lautner's bulkier brother' - that was funny, a really good addition to the action, romance and drama elements of the story. I really liked the action in this chapter, and the shocking actions of Savanna only drew me deeper into the storyline. I can't wait to read more. I'm hooked.
Great story, you're a great writer.
| Feirai chapter 4 . 8/24/2014
Okay, again, i love the depth of Kiara's character. I love how you're adding that element of realism into your story, with the element of romance.
Xavier seems pretty cool, i like how he interacts with Kiara, it seems really fluid, it's great.
Keep up the good work!
| Feirai chapter 3 . 8/24/2014
Great chapter, i'm really beginning to like the Kisara.
Erm, i think you made a spelling mistake when describing the training between Kisara and her teacher, you said "until she brought he weapons up in a wurr" - wurr is spelled whir.
I like how the story's progressing. I like the depth you've added to both the school and the chaacter of Kiara. Can't wait to read more!
| Feirai chapter 2 . 8/24/2014
I really like this chapter, i've learned a decent amount about the world the story is based in, and you've done this without just dumping information on the reader. I really love the Latin, it's a great feature of the story.
Again, the Guardian Guide is a great addition, gives the reader that extra detail about the creatures that Kiara will possibly encounter.
| Feirai chapter 1 . 8/24/2014
i really like it so far. There really isn't anything to complain about. I really like your writing style, it flows really well. You've created some realistic characters. I love the way Kiara seems to be skeptical of everything Naru Ishida says. Gotta love zombies nuff said.
I love the bit at the end giving the reader just enough information about Kiara's mum, to entice them to continue reading, that's a really nice touch.
| Marcelline Faye chapter 4 . 8/18/2014
Great chapter and story!
Some of the paragraphs make me do a double-take, when you skip a period of time and pick right back up. What I do for those is either double the space between the paragraphs, or make some kind of symbol that shows time is passing, even little amounts of time (like ).
Great descriptions, and your story is exceptionally intriguing. I'll be back for more! Good job!
| BreathingFiction chapter 1 . 8/17/2014
I loved it! But its WAYYYY to much like the Mortal Instruments.
| ms silverquill chapter 3 . 8/15/2014
You do an excellent job describing the school and all the rooms. Really helps the reader visualize what Kiara is seeing.
| ms silverquill chapter 2 . 8/15/2014
Again with the great descriptions! “poise as a dancing hippopotamus” is wonderful (though I think you missed the word “much” in that sentence).
I think I’m a little confused. The woman behind the reception desk was smiling robotically (which is a good description, but to me brings to mind a forced , not very warm, smile) and then her “elated façade” returns. I don’t see where she went from robotic to elated. Maybe it’s a placid or a professional façade.
Some break (an extra space or something) between Kiara’s section and Virginia’s section would make the transition a little easier. I'm very glad that the mother has a role in this. She was an interesting character in the first chapter, and I'm interested to see what else you have planned for her.
I like the idea of having a “guide” for Guardians.
| ms silverquill chapter 1 . 8/15/2014
I really like the descriptions here: “clumsy icicles” and the trunk’s “belly bulging”.
I am curious about why the smells bring back memories, though. What memories, specifically? Why do the scents evoke memories? Are they good memories or bad memories or both? Some of the paragraph breaks through me off (one sentence paragraphs), but that’s not a big deal.
There’ s a line that starts “Yesterday was you sixteenth” that I think should be “your”.
The mystery back story with the mother is interesting. I can’t wait to see how it ties in with the present.
| Marcelline Faye chapter 1 . 8/2/2014
Nice job! I like the plot, and the characters are very believable.
I do not think that this is a K-rated story, however. T would be more appropriate, in my opinion, as it has some words that kids below age 9 don't need to see, and the dark elements are also too much for K.
But otherwise, great story. I liked the double point of views, and you did a great job conveying your thoughts on paper. I look forward to more!