|Reviews for Real Life|
| K. L. Boyer chapter 1 . 1/28/2015
This story is very descriptive and it paints a good picture of what's happening. I like it when a story is well thought out and worded nicely instead of a few breif statements that get right to the point. It works the mind better and keeps the reader thinking instead of just getting to the story's simplest point and having us not think at all. I felt a lot of excitement and suspense while reading, and I think it's a sad statement when I say that this doesn't happen often. Good job.
| Snurtlicious chapter 1 . 1/11/2015
Yeah, I really don't have anything to say about the story's content itself. It seems compelling enough to make me want to know more, but not so much that I feel like you've set this weird, bizarre scenario up pointlessly.
If I had to make a note style wise, I'd just say watch out for run on sentences. There were only one or two, but it's a quick fix in editing, so no harm, no foul.
Good job, I'll look forward to reading more.
| Tosha Goff chapter 1 . 12/8/2014
So far, the story's very interesting and really well written. I'm liking the touches of horror and mystery, makes this a rather a rather fun read. Like I said, the story's extremely well written and the descriptions are beautiful, almost like you're drawing the scenes out on a canvas, but there's only one problem. There are a couple grammatical errors throughout the story. In the fourth paragraph, where he's talking about the light, albeit a beautiful picture that's being described, there's a place where it says, "amber light to trickles through the wilderness."
While there are grammatical errors, they're not enough to throw a reader off the main story. It's still a very interesting read, and I really can't wait to see what the next chapter's gonna be about.
| Knavethefish chapter 1 . 11/28/2014
This chapter was very nice. I liked the way that the names and orders were very separated and staccato. I'd advise you to be careful of overusing semicolons and the word 'He'. If you want to put objects in a list a comma is more well suited to the job, but be wary of overusing punctuation in general. In regards to your use of 'He', try putting some variety into your descriptions. If it's first person, try using I or me. If it's third person, try 'the man' or 'the boy'. Give your character a bit of flesh so when I imagine him I don't see a silhouette.
| Midan no Hatake chapter 1 . 11/26/2014
Good imagery, food porn. Naughty. It gets a bit creepy with the card and Mr. N. The premise is good but the paragraphs are a bit off-putting being so thick. Good luck.
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/24/2014
Good imagery, food porn, and I haven't eaten breakfast yet. Naughty.
Definitely strange, and creepy at times with the thing about the card. The large paragraphs are a little frustrating, especially when you get into a scene and then start stuttering because the text just stretches on.
The premise is one that just pesters you like, what's this? What happens next? Very good work, looking forward to reading more. Good luck.
| ms silverquill chapter 1 . 9/30/2014
In the first sentence, "heavy and humid" sound like they are describing his hair. Maybe you could rewrite the sentence so it starts "The wind, heavy and humid, curled..." just to get a better sense of what you are describing.
In the fourth paragraph, just before ONE, the tenses switch and it is confusing.
I love the sense of running through the jungle and feeling branches slap at you. I like the feeling that the jungle is alive and twisting. Great description.
Why does he scowl at himself in the mirror (the first time) and what makes him stop thinking about alarm clocks?
The way you described his routine threw me a little, but I get that he has a schedule - he does the same thing day after day. Nice job.
The man's isolation is so apparent and brilliantly done. I really like where this is going.
| JaveHarron chapter 1 . 9/19/2014
Okay, you're off to a great start here. Your descriptions are gripping the moment I started reading. You've got confusion and terror right as we hit the ground running. Still, there's not much physical description of the main character nor characterization, but this is just the opening. I'mlooking forward to more of this story. A fairly solid opening, and eager to see where it goes.
| webhead112233 chapter 1 . 9/11/2014
Okay, you've peeked my interest. You've also thourouly creeped me out (which is a compliment from me). It doesn't give so much away that the reader can guess whats coming, revealing just the bearest amout of nothing so that the reader stays. Did that make sense? Sure it did. I'm going to keep on this story, which isn't something I do a lot. I'm genuinly interested to see what happens next. Keep it up. :)
Ps, I've desided I'll leave a chapter review for all following chapters. If this isn't something you'd like, just let me know.
| Nyx Nuit chapter 1 . 8/19/2014
A good opening, leaving questions that the reader will no doubt want answered. Well written with few typos, as I seriously hate when there are so many errors it kills the story completely. I was put off by the huge chunks that are your paragraphs, however, so try to break them up into smaller chunks. And I was confused at the top, considering you never labelled your prologue, and you consistently used bolded words in all-capitals. All in all, well done, nice concept but watch the formatting.
| Adrienne B chapter 1 . 8/8/2014
Interesting first chapter. will put this on alert for now so I'll see where this goes. :)