|Reviews for Descending Night|
| S.A. Cygnus chapter 1 . 4/22/2016
Not going to lie, the fact that this was slash was what drew me to start reading this one.
So the good things first: You really have a way of invoking imagetry without overdoing description, which is something I really like and admire. I can easily visualize this in my head as it plays out and it is neither rushed nor like something is missing. It's a very difficult balance to find between not enough description and too much so I'm in awe that you are able to pull that off.
Your dialogue is very natural and flowing, I feel very imersed reading this and I can already pick up smaller quirks that define the different individual voices. I can feel the tension and hopelessness in different parts and I have enjoyed it very much!
I'm also enjoying the play on the usual vampire/werewolf rivalry where vampires are the ones that are being hunted to extintion. It's normally the other way around and I'm very curious to see how this current situation is going to play out not only politically but also between Philip and Rafael as it has all the makings of a huge, delicious, dramatic disaster.
Honestly, the only little bit of critism I have is your usage of tense and I'll fully admit it's because I'm not a fan of present-tense. Even then, I'm still intrigued enough to keep reading so at most it's a minor annoyanc that's probably just my own.
I'm looking forward to reading (and reviewing) the rest of this one!
| Sage Young chapter 4 . 1/26/2016
Well, figured this was a long time coming. I like to pay you back for the support you've given BtWV, Mae, even if it's *fidgets uncomfortably* M/M. Well, when I found out it was a story about two dudes and their love for each other I figured if there's anyone in RAOSC/Line Break that can spin such a romance I can wholeheartedly support it'd be you, Mae, and I guess I still do. Beyond that, at least there's Vampires and Werewolves tearing into each others' throats in the background of Descending Nights.
The writing's fine. I caught no errors and nothing stood out from either technique or style that detracting from the overall read, so that's something to be commended about.
Baby werewolves are quite the handful, huh? Although, I'd suspect a human baby isn't that much different.
Queen of the Werewolves, Barbara something something's a power-hungry and ruthless bitch of a conqueror, huh? With the way she treats her own son I wonder if she treats her people any different? If not, why are the werewolves still loyal to her? Lawrence should really just break out the poison or something, though it seems he might be too compassionate/merciful for that.
Finally, I wonder if David's gonna get pupnapped? And where the heck is Phillip? Resting? Or is he feeding on some servant off-screen? I was interested to see a scuffle going on between someone and this infiltrator but it's starting to seem like it might not happen after all.
Overall, it was a good, fast read. Introduction(Was she introduced before? I don't recall.) of the queen and of Lawrence. Nothing with the characters on the ship. Stupid David, he practically threw himself into the arms of the enemy. I wonder which direction is the story gonna take from here on out?
| Kisho chapter 1 . 8/15/2015
Your writing is so clean and pretty. /touches it
Judging by the description this seems like a prologue kind of deal, so I'm wondering which of these characters actually carries over into the main story. King Roman sure seems like a no-go. The dolphin queen seems like a likely candidate for a villain? And Ivan is sure to stick around. Ivan is my no. 1 fav chara.
So this is going to involve all kinds of politics, right? With kings and queens and alliances of different factions? Add in vampires and werewolves and gayness and it sounds like a recipe for sure success to me. Also really liking the whole early-gun-era eastern-Europe setting, very romantique.
Oh, and I do know you so I hope this story has no buttsecks. I did not sign up for buttsecks. I know the rating is T but there might be metaphorical buttsecks and I did not sign up for that either.
| pinksamurai1014 chapter 5 . 4/20/2015
Hey..been a while :).good to see you updated this one . Oh..om at least they got David back..:)
| dmasterxd chapter 2 . 3/1/2015
Man so much emotion on only the second chapter...which was done brilliantly by the way. And now I am envious of you...
Moving on yeah I'd definitely say Phillip and Rafael are my favorite characters so far. Rafel are little more so than Phillip however.
Oh and just one quick question: Who's the uke? :P Awesome job!
| Sage Young chapter 3 . 3/1/2015
You know, the Hereditary Bite from last chapter seemed like an obvious thing on paper, but now I can't help but wonder how you get a vampire baby if vampires reproduce that way? Unless, they're born human then bitten? Curious. Maybe I'm getting the wrong idea with Kaidan. Kaidan's a vampire baby, right?
Anyway, I guess from how conflicted or upset he was, Phillip had a thing for Rafael? With them having babies who weren't brothers(at least, it wasn't made obvious) the thought never crossed my mind at all. I suppose it does give a bit more justification to why Phillip cried in the previous chapter.
Other than that, Rachel seems to be developing into quite the smart girl for her age. Since her introduction she's always been the leader and ahead of things during every interaction. She seems the type to have a knack at figuring things out and getting what she wants. Indeed, in this chapter she seemed to have more of a presence than Bethany, who's more beta and seem the type to just follow along.
Oh yeah, she seemed to know a lot about Werewolves and the steps she should take to properly raise David. It made me wonder where she learned about all of that. She did mentioned that there wasn't any other werewolves with them on the boat, which made me think turncoats are very rare for the werewolves.
Finally, that ending. I certainly didn't expect it at all. I assumed they were safe and at some point, perhaps the next chapter, we'd have a time-skip of sorts that bring us a few years forward, with David all grown up, cause he's the true protagonist to the story. However, it certainly racks up more interest now that there's peril aboard the Dark Halberd. Too bad Florence went kaput, she seemed capable. I was also interested in seeing her fight since this chapter revealed that there were human knights in King Roman's army, that humans are more than just a food-source and servants.
In the end, it was a good read. With some bit of closure on the emotion side for Phillip, the chapter sets the stage for some action in the next one. Is Phillip going down? Cause if he doesn't get some blood he doesn't seem to be fit enough to fight at all, what with the wavering and all. Huh, maybe King Roman's gonna be the one fighting. I'm interested to see your style of writing action/fight scenes.
| DevilPogoStick chapter 4 . 2/28/2015
David...You stupid stupid kid. -w-
Phil, Raf don't want no buttsecks if you fail to save that kid!
Also, Queen Dolph the Showoff was too busy showing off that a lot of her men are dead and she's too showing off to give a shit bout her son XD
And King Roman...Yeah, he's down with the lame promos and lackluster kingship and thus stops being king! QAQ
But seriously, fun little read so far and it helps make a rather impressive story. Nice job Cmaej.
Keep it up!
| DevilPogoStick chapter 3 . 2/28/2015
that's right Phil, you got the need to mourn for your man...your bro! QAQ
It's bad enough the bro force is lost but the family force?! How tragic!
Really, this is some last Targaryen drama here, given that they just lost everything in one night. The fact they got a lot of other issues other than finding a new home, what with hunger and all. Poor David, lost a father.
And wow...Phil wanted that buttsecks. QAQ
But hey, maybe this mysterious intruder will end all the suffering! /punted.
Keep it up!
| M1zz chapter 2 . 2/28/2015
Well this was all pretty sad. I really don't want Rafael to blow himself up but with the way everything's presented it does seem like the only option. Still very sad, him and Philip's goodbye. I still this you're description is good but I think you use too many dialogue tags. It's not a major problem but something to look out for.
I don't have too much else to say, but this is all pretty interesting.
| Sage Young chapter 2 . 2/27/2015
Something of a cooldown/downtime chapter, but it didn't take me out of it or slow things down too much. It was a decent read in and of itself. Interesting choice of introducing Princess Bethany and Rachel. The babies were obvious enough. No moms though? Why is that, I wonder?
A bit of interesting facts got revealed, which I liked. Vampires and their hereditary bites? That's how they reproduce? Nifty. With how human and normal they seem to be over this two chapters it's easy to forget that they're vampires. So far I haven't seen any hints to the brutality Vampires usually have.
Not a lot to discuss about besides Rafael's sacrifice. It felt a bit sudden, almost as if Rafael was eager to die or something. Even after meeting his son he didn't doubt that decision? He could have started crying and I would have been all okay with it. I'd even empathize with him cause he's afraid, yet still willing to protect his son in such a fatal manner. Instead, Phillip was the one who started fretting, which seemed slightly out of place considering how calm he was in the first chapter. I thought he'd have taken it as calmly as any decision he makes on the battlefield.
Well, that's all that I thought about as I read the chapter. A good read once again, despite the nitpicks I had. I'm going to try to reach the latest chapter before your pick ends, Mae.
| Starart152 chapter 4 . 2/27/2015
This chapter was another one calm and with something happening during this chapter.
I wasn't expecting David to have the arm of a captain in his mouth.
I fear someone will try to kill him and Philip won't be there in time.
| Starart152 chapter 3 . 2/26/2015
This was a good chapter that give some character development for Philip and also for Rafael even if he's gone. The fact that he had a child make his death more tragic for his child.
I wonder how their voyage will end.
| DevilPogoStick chapter 2 . 2/25/2015
Oh god, the tragic bromance between Phil and Raf! QAQ
Phil: You were my brother, Raf...I love you. QAQ
Raf: (screaming as he burns wih his limbs chopped off) Then why are you leaving me to die?! A
...You get a point to where this scene ref is from.
Still, the dark humor of Raf being unaware of how being knighted is done was a neat touch to an otherwise tragic heroic sacrifice.
But otherwise, a nice chapter as despite the bleakness, the kingdom is quick to make plans to run as this is their only chance of survival. The fact they were doign their best to handle a rather dark scenario was nice, since they're keeping their cool rather than freaking out. But still...They really should have made that detonator...God damn you Raf. QAQ
Keep it up!
| DevilPogoStick chapter 1 . 2/25/2015
This...Can't be a good start. Given that the King himself was pretty much going "Yeah, we're dead, just get the freak out of here before what I said bears meaning."
But overall...This was kind of expected given the situation. The Werewolves are pretty much gaining a lot of strength and it seems it's growing worse for the Human/Vampire population. Queen Dolph (Ziggler XD) is one nasty piece of work, being able to make uses of her advantages quickly against King Roman (Reigns XD). Roman probably gave a worse promo and Dolph is readying a superkick. LOL
Note, you need to look up Dolph Ziggler and Roman Reigns to get my joke.
...Reminds me of Underworld without the Mary Sue character...She sucked all the fun out eventually.
Needless, this sounds like a neat story to look out for! Keep it up!
| Starart152 chapter 2 . 2/25/2015
This chapter is good. I like what the character talked with each other's and also that Rafael decided to sacrifice his life to save the others.
I do not feel a lot for the Werewolf since I don't know him too much before he sacrificed his life.