Reviews for The Twin's Tale
IhaveNoAmbition969 chapter 5 . 2/15/2015
Good chapter, I forgot how good you are at writing original stuff, though you could definitely make all this one chapter, other than that good job.
Sidekicks-anonymous chapter 5 . 9/18/2014
Again, your ideas are excellent. I'm a bit confused about the setting, however. With a story like this, I expect it to be a sort of medieval/dystopian-in other words, they don't have shorts and t-shirts and they don't say things like "ditto." Those bits are too contemporary; they clash with the rustic, fantastic feel of the rest of the story. They also break the reader's suspension of disbelief. Remember, you have to convince us to accept this situation, this world, as a reality. Making it too much like our own world hinders that.
Another note: telling emotions. In general, showing emotions is better than telling them. Don't have a character say "I was mad." Have her punch the trees, stomp around, clench her teeth; describe how she feels her blood boiling, how she just wants to HURT something. You see? Describing the effects of the emotions draws the reader in a lot more than just naming the emotion. Does that make sense?
There are also some issues of format and disjointed phrases, but those aren't as important.
Sidekicks-anonymous chapter 2 . 9/18/2014
So-the opening line in the prologue? Brilliant. The idea? Brilliant. It's an intriguing plot. However, i suggest spending more time on background. Build a better image of the society: why aren't twins allowed? How do their parents feel about this custom? What's the organization of the contest? Spend some time building up the info, the suspense, so we get to know the characters before they go into the forest.
As for this chapter: Zosime is incredibly polite and well-spoken for a 7-year-old. It stretches my suspension of disbelief a bit.
IhaveNoAmbition969 chapter 4 . 9/11/2014
I liked it.
SnowStar569 chapter 1 . 9/6/2014
You have it on FictionPress too?:):):):)
TheGirlWhoRambled chapter 4 . 9/6/2014
I like how the sisters have different personalities, I find that a lot of people don’t tend to bother with that… And it bugs me a lot, because as I said I’m a twin. So, here’s a cyber cookie for making identical twins realistic. Anyway, I really liked the descriptive language you used in this chapter, and I’m really curious about these women now. I wonder which one of them is going to die, but I think they will both manage to survive somehow.
TheGirlWhoRambled chapter 2 . 9/6/2014
As an identical twin myself, I found this concept rather scary haha. So far I like it – the chapters are a little short, but I’m a long chapters person so it’s probably not an issue. You also have a problem with repetition sometimes, like in the beginning she said she was alone twice. Anyway, overall it’s really intriguing - I wonder why twins are outlawed, and who the women in this chapter were.
FabulousNakysha chapter 4 . 9/1/2014
Hmm, I really like this concept of a 'new' society. I'm a little surprised that the chapters are small, but what can you do? So far, I think it's great the way this story is going. There are a couple grammar mistakes, but nothing that really would bother most people. All in all, enjoyable. Keep up the good work, my friend.
IhaveNoAmbition969 chapter 3 . 8/25/2014
Hm its good, I like it, keep on writing.
IhaveNoAmbition969 chapter 2 . 8/24/2014
It is pretty interesting, I have to admit this is original. Good job.
IhaveNoAmbition969 chapter 1 . 8/23/2014
hm well that's original, also I could read that thing on your profile, it was easy