|Reviews for Mage Wars|
| lirianstar chapter 4 . 1/9/2018
the talk of the promised land sure tickles - will it pan out to be a big part of Yuuji's journey? Seems like the 'team' is being formed. This reminds me a bit of fate/stay night's beginning. The plot is cool, but some additional details about the mc/(s) and the surroundings would add to it overall. I'll be back!
| lirianstar chapter 2 . 10/1/2017
Oh shit. This is getting bad for the mc...He needs to emerge as the strongest!
| lirianstar chapter 1 . 10/1/2017
Mage wars! I wonder what will happen. I think Yuuji is a dark horse...maybe much more powerful in the future...(or am i thinking too much?)
Seems interesting - will read on! Good job!~
| 360pages chapter 1 . 9/7/2014
Hmm, are you writing for a Visual novel? Because that might explain the overall lack of detail, you have a few nice bits here and there, but it is very dialog heavy. Which would work in a slower paced story, but this is a story about magic right. So you need a lot of description to help the reader.
As for the characters. You dropped a lot on us which is fine, but I wouldn't mind you holding some back a little for next chapter.
| annamikura chapter 1 . 8/24/2014
Hi! Returning the favor for reviewing my story, "Branded"! :D
I think you've got a cool concept in mind here, and reading this I was sort of reminded of Sword Art Online. I think there's potential, but you need to build up on some stuff.
First off, you could use a little more detail. You didn't provide a specific setting for this chapter, so I don't know if this is set in Japan, if it's modern day, etc.. Also, that scene where Yuuji heads off to school and is greeted by Izaki, he meets Reika but then she says she has to go home already? I found it weird because I thought the day had just begun, and right after that conversation Yuuji went home again. I don't know if you probably forgot to add some transition into the scene, but be mindful because it will confuse readers.
Brush up on your use of punctuation, because your text has many fragments typed in as separate sentences. Also, you put in quotation marks on a lot of sentences where there's no dialogue.
Good luck and keep writing! :)