Reviews for The Slender Man
HighPixelPriestess chapter 1 . 9/9/2014
For a horror story, I liked Morgan - as much as she bothers me! It's believable that Morgan appeared, to Mrs Geyser, that she was behaving like a child, if a busy one, while being incredibly and creepily, well, creepy.

The opening was enough to keep me reading. It drew me in - wondering what on earth the kids were doing - why they were playing so happily, yet you hint there was not something quite right with what they were doing.

Do you really mean the word tremulous? I understood it to be meaning timid or fearful, and perhaps that is what you meant, but it doesn't seem to quite fit what I'm assuming you wanted to portray.
Ventracere chapter 1 . 9/7/2014
It's like every time I read your pieces, I want to say it escalates ridiculously quickly. It's a good thing, for one your build up is solid, you get your point across, especially considering what we know about "slender man" now a days. I think what you've concocted is definitely an interesting take on the psych - of children - and at the same time, the loss of innocence that kids go though. Not necessarily when it comes to play video games and their violence, but rather how susceptible they can be, even more so than adults when you look at how other adults were less inclined to worry as opposed to Mrs. Geyser. OH! And nice name choices. "Geyser" is fitting I think. Considering that she's the one who is the last to be "taken" in this particular chapter. I liked this chapter, even with all it's gore, for the thrill that you built up was perfect and still caught me by surprise when you reached the end.

Good job!
Orgaya chapter 1 . 9/6/2014
Good prose.

As for the story, I believed at first that it was just introducing the kids that were going to be killed, but it was skilled enough to pull it all together as a single narrative.

The utilization of the kids and the notes was pretty interesting. Also liked that it was happening all over as opposed to one location.

Only problem I have is the mother. She seems way too contrived and obviously meant to be portrayed as the voice of doubt in the story, but it is already fairly obvious where it is all going so she just comes across as kind of stupid. That and she doesn't really seem to have a personality outside of contradicting everything that is happening.

Overall, though, it flowed very nicely and the hint of Slenderman at the end was nice (although why would he be focused on a mother in an attic if he's trying to take over the world?).

Also as a side note, unless you already know of it, FictionPress has another website called . I think this would be better placed there since I think FictionPress is mainly intended for original works.
m. b. whitlock chapter 1 . 9/3/2014
RG EF #6,072

Interesting reworking of the Slender Man meme in this short thriller/horror. :)

I really like the 'Take Over' aspects of the plot and the way you build it up with parents all over the country communicating about the 'Slendy' game but not having the intelligence to take it seriously and put the pieces together.

Really scary scenes and visuals throughout. I especially liked Mrs. Geyser curling up with her sister on the phone after all the explosions and then the children discovering her.

Here are few notes:

Like the contrast between the 'rocketing children' and the 'languid clouds':
"The children rocketed this way and that across freshly mowed lawns, screaming at each other, laughing, flying hand in hand, more excitement that they had ever known in their young lives. Above, bulbous, fluffy clouds swam languidly across the blue sky and the wind whispered through the trees."

Not sure whose voice this is:
"Morgan's friend, the little girl with the brunette locks – what was her name Anissa?"
If it's the narrator I don't feel familiar enough with the character of the narrator for this aside to seem natural. Pulls me out of the story a bit.

Interesting:
""Dimshun?"

"Yeah, the fourth one."

"Oh, you mean dimension?""
You might want to consider not giving the dimension a number. The 4th dimension is actually just the temporal dimension, or time.

Like this:
"Mrs. Geyser sipped on a beer to calm her frayed nerves and reclined in her electronic massaging chair."

Fun, scary stuff.

vb,

mbw
Electrumwriter chapter 1 . 9/2/2014
I like the point of view of Morgan's mother. It is a good way to keep a little bit of suspense... for those people who don't know about the Slender Man already. Is anyone still in the dark about him?

Nice touch of irony: "Maybe I would like to meet this Slendy." *smirks* But she was a little stupid in being unaware of how the Slender Man could communicate. Hadn't she heard anything about sign language?

I like the build up to the visceral horror of the take over. It never lags and builds up the whole lurid atmosphere. The way Mrs Geyser struggles to register events as they reach their climax is well done too.

I can't say the Slender Man is a very impressive superstitiion though, weren't incubi and succubi more interesting? I'd write about them.
Shampoo Suicide chapter 1 . 9/1/2014
Opening: Fabulous opening. The first line is immediately interesting and captivating. I'm not sure if this is a short or a chaptered story but it does make me want to read on, so well done.

Ending: This goes back to not knowing if this story continues or not, but I found it to be wholly suitable either way. It was interesting and exciting enough to make me want to read more, but I also can see it ending here, perhaps unsatisfyingly for some. I suspect it continues.

Writing: I found it very palatable, and even enjoyable for a non-horror fan. The descriptions are a strong point here, from the very beginning of the chapter/story. It fits the genres labeled fully, and if in fact you continue I think there is a decent amount of suspense built up already. Very well done.

Character: I'm obviously intrigued by young Morgan and what's going on with her. I think this is going to prove pretty relevant given what's gone on surrounding this "myth" in recent days, and I'm excited to see where you go with then when you continue, as I'm assuming you will be. Nice job!
faerie-gumdrops chapter 1 . 8/31/2014
Rule 10 review :D

Omigosh, this is most creepy. I loved the combination of the innocence of children playing games, and the horrible things they ultimately do under 'Slendy's' influence. It was a fun, quick read - I loved the pacing and stuff, and how you brought back the 'intessins' thing at the very end. Also that last line about it tickling was just so wonderfully horrible. It was also cool how we saw this all through the eyes of the mother - there was a lot that we didn't/couldn't see which I think created a great sort of tension, because we could tell something creepy was going on, when the mother couldn't.

I think my only crit would be technical stuff - just to work on your grammar around dialogue tags e.g. "You'll burn your tongue[,]" [Mrs] Geyser warned - there were quite a few incidences of incorrect capitalisation in places like this. No biggie, but it's easy to fix, and might turn some people off reading, which would be a shame.
Persevera chapter 1 . 8/27/2014
You have such a wide range of story ideas. This is one of the weirdest I've read.
I like that it was written from the mother's POV. As a character* she's sympathetic because she thinks she has everything under control and in reality, she doesn't have a clue.
I wonder about some aspects of the *plot. If a child is using a lot of words that she doesn't know, you would think that the mother would be a little more curious about who's talking to her and using those words.
Of course this was a short story so the *pacing would be fast. In this case it helped contribute to the kids' excitement and frenzy. It was nicely contrasted with the women having a long conversation and Marie in her massage chair.
I really like your *writing style. It can be melodic with some descriptions then very much to the point. I think you need to rename one of the sisters. Marie and Mary are basically the same name. Or were you making a pint with that?
Resabelzia chapter 1 . 8/26/2014
It takes you a minute to warm up to the writing, but once you do it's full throttle. The ending was definitely the best part of this fic. You expect that something is up with Morgan and the kids, but I certainly didn't think that she'd cut out her mother's intestines. The gore and guts really made this story chilling, especially when you consider the involvement of children. You made a great social comment as well; you never get the impression that Morgan and the kids were forced to commit these atrocious acts, but that they rather got a kick out of it and were able to through months and months of brainwashing. We all know how we were at that age - innocent, easily impressionable, and we believed in everything we were told. Slendy's got the impressionable kids under a spell, and God, is it terrifying.
My one complaint is that the parent figures were very weak in this story. I found a lot of the dialogue between the moms to be unbelievable, since most thirty year old women don't use words like "dykes" in polite company. I doubt the kids would've been able to get their creepy Take Over game this far without meeting some tension from authority figures.

Overall though, this was well-written, chilling, and had a great payoff. Nice work!
xx Resa
IAmButAWindow chapter 1 . 8/25/2014
Ooooooooh, Son, you've done it now.
Everyone's favorite Slendy-savvy Window here for another review.

Let me preface with this. MH. EMH. TT. CNS. MLA. I've done it all. Even the lower ones. WF, AbbeyDiaries, and the upcoming movie. Done it all, buddy. My own series TtC will be hitting the youtubes this upcoming October (have a whole team behind it, not just me). Just so you know that this review isn't coming from a random schtick. :D

Slender Man has been shown in a large variety of ways. Every series shows him slightly different, and that's what makes them original. I'm used the vlog mediums (not necessarily the blogs), and have read a couple of stories (and was horrified to find Slendy love fics at Wattpad), but this is one of the first Slendy series I've read that jumps straight to the violence. I'm not quite sure if that's for you or against you, but it's definitely a thing.

What makes Mr. S scary to me, is the fact that he's always subtle, always in the background, and always just out of your sight. Despite being all of these things, he has a tremendous effect on people, and the sickening terror the spurs from it is enough to empty the contents of ones stomach. In truth, I really would have liked to see a bit more of the build up toward this. The Take Over game is a really good idea that goes with the original Slender Man lore of how he preys on children (if not slightly against it, in that he TAKES the children, not makes them do his bidding per se), and I would have loved to see the creepy development of this Take Over game. The way you write the story, it makes it seem like this game has been around the world for a fair amount of time. Enough for it to go viral on facebook and twitter anyways. I understand if this is a one-shot, but really staying true to the slender man horror I feel is a bit important, and all out gore just doesn't scream (lel) Slendy to me.

Still, it's not a bad story, and the shock factor is there. Nice work. Enjoyed the story, and found it chilling, which is enough to make me nod at someone who writes Slender Man as he is, instead of writing him in romance fictions. *facepalm*
alltheeagles chapter 1 . 8/24/2014
RG EF stuff

I like how you updated the old story (you know which one I mean) with Twitter and Facebook, and mentions of 'old' toys like GI Joe; the dialogue is modernised as well. That gives the plot a fresh breath of life and shows that it still has the power to intrigue and frighten. I think this version is a little more gory, if I remember correctly, but I suppose readers nowadays are better able to take it with all the horror and slasher movies they've been exposed to. Anyway, it's not so gory that it overshadows everything, and is a fitting finale to the build up.
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 1 . 8/24/2014
Wow, your stuff is always ...intense, but not in a bad way at all, and I did enjoy this gem here :D. I am not going to make this review super helpful, but I'll comment on what I liked :D So what I really enjoyed was the tone of this: it's faux light, I would say, with the horror only gradually building up, and I enjoy that because it fits the theme of this - that of children playing a game, and being manipulated by some unknown figure. I think it's fitting that the children are so 'evil', because - if you think about it - children don't really mature into having enough emotional intelligence to distinguish between good/evil until they are around 9 or 10. Or earlier. I wouldn't know. But anyhow, I think it's fitting that your tone is like this.

What I also like is how you describe everything here: it's very clear, and you never shy away from showcasing the whole cruelty of the children's actions. It's maybe something that makes me flinch at times, but also makes me respect you, because it just strengthens the message of this really being a dark story. I also enjoy the themes themselves: that of children being made proxy, because they are more likely to be manipulated (though, that is debatable too - mass media can manipulate adults too, like in 'V for Vendetta'). Anyhow, I like those themes, because they make me think, even if you never too directly touch upon them. But that's what makes things really interesting.