|Reviews for My first heartbreak was my father|
| wandertogondor chapter 1 . 1/2/2015
This is an absolutely beautiful piece. The diction is so gorgeous and the rhythm flows effortlessly. I know exactly how you're feeling and what it's like to be coaxed into believing that we're destined for an unattainable greatness but constantly feeling like we've fallen short. I know exactly what you mean to be fed beautiful words and beautiful dreams and the feeling that I could take on the whole world and achieve my dreams and more only to be let down.
| RedWineAndAmbien chapter 1 . 9/24/2014
These daddy poems are extremely relevant to me personally -I hope you've gathered enough energy to be your own muse.
| tolerate chapter 1 . 8/30/2014
I haven't reviewed anything in a while so forgive me if I don't do your poem justice.
I felt that your first line was a beautiful way to start a poem—I felt its pull immediately, the way a great storyteller would draw you in with simple words like 'once upon a time'. To me, it somehow felt like a confession too. The imagery was impressive as well, with the words 'mountains', 'treetops' and 'skyline'. I imagined to be like a camera view that continued tilting upwards to the clouds. I think the only issue, although quite minor, I have with the poem is the excessive use of similes (regarding the word 'like') where in some parts, metaphors would work the same way and allow the same impact. For example, 'He crafted me like clay between his fingertips' could be 'He crafted my clay body between his fingertips'. Overall, I really liked the poem and what I could imagine from it; (and although slightly unrelated, I was reminded of Pygmalion and Galatea (although he carved her out of ivory and not clay) because of the line 'I, his muse, so desperate to impress'.) Really lovely work.
| rust phoenix chapter 1 . 8/26/2014
This is written very clearly and effectively. I love the image of pursed lips on the skyline. The only aspect I am not sure is necessary is the repetition of "like" - the word comes up three times, and some of your comparisons may be more startling without it (eg "hopes into mountains" instead of "hopes like mountains").
Overall a very moving poem, especially the first and last lines! Thank you for sharing!