|Reviews for The Lady Voltigeur - Volume 1: The Fated Meeting|
| Starart152 chapter 2 . 2/9/2020
This is a nice chapter where we saw what is going on with Reinhard as the Russian are slaughtering the French. I like the little details of what was going on with the character and his struggles to escape the battle, only to get caught by one Russian who mistook him from the French.
| Flute Ocean chapter 1 . 9/29/2018
This is an interesting opening to me. I'm not familiar with too many stories set in this setting with this backdrop. It seems like a cool setting to work with. Nice way to start you story out too. A bit of action and engrosses the audience. Nice work. :)
| Starart152 chapter 1 . 9/16/2018
This is an interesting entry point for the story as it presented the French army as they were retreating from the forces. It is a little difficult to believe that there were women in the battlefield during that era as woman were only exceptions and it only worked when they women weren't seeing themselves as one. I am ready to suspend my disbelief and see it as a piece of fiction than reality.
As for the characters, we know little of them and it felt like Claire was the main protagonist and not Nathalie, until the very end.
| Sage Young chapter 1 . 4/26/2015
Thrown into a war-ridden battlefield established some mood, but without context I was wondering what was the main point the prologue was trying to showcase. Perhaps it was as simple as opening up the story with a bang? It was confusing for a bit, but when the named characters popped up things did get focused in a sense.
I don't know anything about French history, and I think the war established in this chapter might be more fictional than not. Still, I suppose it was surprising to find a pair of women gunning and fighting in the front-lines, or am I wrong about that as well?
A lot of references to real life locales as well. I applaud you for crafting a story around them, even if almost all the names escapes me as I read.
Natalie's and Claire's debut didn't show very much of their character besides how they seemed well-trained enough to be flexible on the battlefield. With the prologue, I thought it was setting Claire up as the main protagonist, so I was a bit surprised when the last few lines panned back to Natalie, implying the story starts off with her fight.
If I had any nit-picks, it would be in regards to the narration. It seemed like third-person omniscience, though at times it slipped into a sort of unreliable third person with the use of words like 'must have' and 'seemed'. Maybe it was transitioning into third-person limited as Claire and Natalie came in the picture, but it just seemed a bit confusing at times in the chapter.
Again, without context I'm just very confused and don't really understand the stakes to the conflict. I have little to root for. Even less when the chapter establishes that the French army was losing and how Claire and Natalie seemed pretty much a lost cause. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't return in the coming chapter.
| cud-b-better chapter 6 . 4/23/2015
So reinhard and his friend are heading for the very town that has just been taken, I wonder if this spells trouble for him. Still mainly hoping for the reunion between the two mc's. Anyway one thing I noticed is that you quite often put in the narration exactly what has happened after a dialogue, in a sense you're telling the reader what they already know or can easily work out.
Anyway just one error leaped out at me.
gave a depressed expression [one] again - [once]
| cud-b-better chapter 5 . 4/23/2015
Oh they've parted ways. I'm guessing their roads are going to intersect one way or another. I'll miss their perfect combinations, hopefully not for too long however. Another brilliant chapter and although nothing much happens the dialogue easily made up for it.
A few errors/suggestions that I noticed (always take with a grain of salt):
"Yeah... finally..." [said - she] as she leaned
"[We'll] what about you - [Well]
fix her better [that] I can - [than]
Checking whether if the thing that caused the noise could be dangerous - Checking whether the thing that caused the noise was dangerous
[Se] wondered why he didn't - [She]
| cud-b-better chapter 4 . 4/23/2015
Well they quickly got themselves onto better terms and all it took was a little bit of food. I'm liking their interactions and I'm hoping to see even more of them. The serious soldier also having a serious girly albeit tomboy side to her, very well done.
A few errors/suggestions that I noticed:
that happened [the] just the previous day - [omit out]
sunlight gleamed on her, further emphasing the young beauty... - you basically repeat this in the following paragraph as well.
that he felt [that he felt] his knees weaken - [omit out]
[The pain was such that] the pain in his muscles felt... - [omit out]
closer and closer [into] him - [to]
| cud-b-better chapter 3 . 4/23/2015
And the two meet, gotta love her attempt to blow his balls off a bit of a typical horrible meeting. Loved the action between them and the russians, particularly Nathalie versus the horseman very well done. Not too knowledgeable on some of the terms however, but that is my own shortcomings.
minor typo I think I noticed:
scarf covering her [place] - [face]
| Argentum Vir chapter 1 . 4/22/2015
Initial impressions: "Omelette du fromage". Incorrect, and in need of polish, I know. I feel the same way about your story disregarding the 'incorrect' part. What this story needs is a good look over to proofread, and a fine eye to polish what you have so far. Aside from that, I'm immediately drawn in thanks to the war opening. You do a decent job on that front.
By the time I'm at the end of the chapter, I'm quite interested in the MC's plight. Her friend is saved, and she's gonna give the [p]russians the what for. A real page turning prologue for sure.
And on the subject of prologues, I'm generally against them. But since this makes me think it's historical fiction, it gets a pass in my opinion. Others might disagree. It's not often you see women participating in war as historically gender roles were very good at discouraging it. I hope there's some decent justification for their want to participate, but for now the story description is a good stand in.
Not much to say about this chapter. Nathalie seems like she's got a decent head on her shoulders despite a quite suicidal confrontation at the end. We get a lot of faceless fighters on both sides making a war kinda hard to sympathize with.
1) Am I right in the assumption that this is a historical fiction?
2) If so, what war are you basing it on so I can go educate myself a bit?
3) What language is your first?
| Kenshin Kojima chapter 3 . 4/21/2015
So, the two finally meet. It's good to see that Nathalie escaped unharmed. Oh, it seems I made a mistake in my review for the prologue. I got Nathalie and Claire confused. As it was Claire who sacrificed herself so Nathalie could escape. Still, it was sad that Nathalie lost her friend.
Back to this chapter, it got intense there for a moment. I thought Nathalie was going to get killed. I mean, the soldier she was talking to had gotten his chopped off just like that. Cool to see that Nathalie is an awesome shot. Heh, I thought it was funny how Reinhard discovered that Nathalie was a woman. I can already see that Reinhard has developed a crush on her.
Overall, this was another chapter with a lot tense moments. But there were also some amusing moments to take away from all the killing and hiding. I am curious to see where you take their relationship.
Thanks for the read!
| Kenshin Kojima chapter 2 . 4/21/2015
You know, this is the first time I've read a story that takes place in a certain time era with a historical figure, as well as a historical event happening. I meant to make mention of that in my last review. I know this might sound weird, but you story reminds me of Assassin's Creed. I know there's no assassins, but it just has that feel to me.
Overall, this was another nicely done introduction of another character. Hm... What's a Prussian doing in Leipzig? I mean, he's not involved in the war. Sounds suspicious... You once again did an awesome job in detailing the tension. I wonder what Reinhard's role will be? If he survives, that is.
Thanks for the read!
| Kenshin Kojima chapter 1 . 4/21/2015
Wow, that was quite a prologue. You did a good job in detailing the tension that Claire and Nathalie felt during the fighting. I mean, it was all chaos and you also did a good job in detailing that too.
Overall, this was a good start for the story. I am curious to see the fate of Nathalie and Claire. Especially Nathalie... I mean, she sarcrificed herself so Claire could escape in the river. Once again, this was good.
Thanks for the read!
| Boomer Kid chapter 7 . 4/21/2015
Aand move to long chapter. Things are getting more interesting with this buildup. Expecting moar action. Getting more comfy with Nattie's character, poor gal getting that flustered at the thought of the loot-grabbing Jaeger though.
A hunter with motion sickness. Welp, at least if he's the rider instead of the passenger he'll be fine, I guess.
| Boomer Kid chapter 6 . 4/21/2015
Ooh, can smell Reinhard and Nathalie reuniting. Another short chapter, but do you know how to pace everything well so far. One again, nice details on the history. This reminds me of one manga I feel like recommending to you if you haven't read it yet. It's called Green Blood, and it's set in the USA during the mid 19th century. I stalled it after 40 or 50 chapters, but I feel people reading it could come up with inspiration or ideas for stories like these.
Some stuff on the writing:
- swayed left and right as he (incomplete sentence)
"Where are we going anyway?" Erich asked. (supposed to be Reinhard?)
Also forgot to mention this, but I feel you could separate the changes in scenes, flashbacks like the one in ch4, and so on with line breaks. It'd organize the chapter a bit better.
| Boomer Kid chapter 5 . 4/21/2015
I've been reading until a point where I feel I can drop a review. To start off, the writing's really smooth and easy-to-read. Sometimes there are redundant phrases IMO such as 3 lines repeating the same though process of a character before the character's dialogue, and I felt a bit itchy reading single-word sentences in succession in the first chapter. I.e.: Debris. Wood. People. Panic. Confusion. Agitation. Without panic. Without confusion... those kind of things. I felt it could've been more flowing and impactful in a sentence. There's also the nitpick regarding dialogues having to end with commas rather than periods if it's followed by a dialogue tag rather than an action, but other than that, the writing's a pleasure to read.
Admittedly I'm not very sure where this story's going, since while there is the historical background which gives the setting some weight, the adventure part hasn't really been scaled up. It feels rather simplistic, not much depth or big plot explored yet, so far. Has adventure romance vibes too, which combined, makes this story so far seem more like a light read despite the historical background. Maybe due to the historical background and the fact the female protag's an elite soldier, I expected more than just the interactions even though it's this early in, like some bigger plot around the characters. I give you credit for the historical setting, it's more the plot around the characters I'm looking for now, more than just how they live. These are still what I was looking for personally, I guess.
I did like your action scenes, especially of note is the part where Nathalie fought with the mounted hussar 1-on-1.
By this chapter I've starting to feel the chemistry between Nathalie & Reinhard more. Admittedly, Nathalie's immature and inflated "hit and belittle the guy" traits annoyed me a bit, thus making her not that sympathetic or a grounded character in my view. She feels cartoonish so far, basically. I think Nathalie's character so far further makes this story seem more like a light, casual read, with that cartoony vibe. It's good that within all that war and devastation to have some comedic and light moments, in fact I'm all for them. It's just here I truly felt it was a bit too lulzy for the most part, the lulz too strongly defines the character rather than being one of their many traits or moods, again my opinion, and influenced by what I was expecting.
Still, the interacts have fun in them and overall give humanness, and Nathalie and Rein do have chemistry. Overall, my expectations are a big influence in what I've posted here, because I do feel there is a potentially inventive idea in the works, so was a bit let down when the vibe so far felt more generic. Still, it already stands as a solid work so far, and I can see from the neat and enjoyable details and writing and this work means a lot to you. Keep it up!