Reviews for Mind Games
JoshFisher chapter 1 . 12/15/2014
The twist at the end was good.
msfoxycomets chapter 1 . 9/19/2014
I wonder if a kid really did lose his superpowers if he would tell his bully. I'd think he'd go to extreme lengths to hide it from everyone. And when she did find out, she'd make his life even worse, especially after isolating her from everyone else when he did have powers. You might want to consider the plausibility of your ending.

However, I do like the idea of a kid getting one up on his bully.
Katelyn McCallum chapter 1 . 9/4/2014
I like the idea of the's different, definitely intriguing although not very developed. Personally, i would have liked a lot more detail about the moment where Jacob discovers his power. I would have liked to get inside his mind and know what he was thinking and how he reacted to discovering his abilities. How did he handle that realization mentally? Emotionally? How did he test his powers? Nevertheless i enjoyed the story!
laurendiebert chapter 1 . 9/4/2014
I really do like how he didn't use his powers for bad and used them to clean. I mean that's what I would do. *laugh* And I liked at the end how him and Marissa became friends.
Nathan219 chapter 1 . 9/4/2014
I think this story needs more detail on why everyone became friends with Jacob besides the fact that he had super powers. Other than that, there were just a few spelling and grammar mistakes here and there.
BarrenChasm chapter 1 . 9/4/2014
I feel as though the story had a decent idea but the way you went about writing could have been better. You progressed the story very quickly and I feel as though a slower build up and more details would improve this story.
David Riegle chapter 1 . 9/4/2014
Not bad the problem I have is with the tenses of your story they don't match up.
jessiffland chapter 1 . 9/4/2014
This is very intriguing. It kinda left me wanting to know more about what happens next.
jrwils628 chapter 1 . 9/4/2014
Being a fan of superhero stories I thought your was alright. A little too anticlimactic for my taste but good job
R.D.Palmgren chapter 1 . 9/3/2014
Jacob was bullied by a girl named Marissa every day, stealing his lunch money. One day, Jacob accidently made Marissa move with his mind. Everyone became friends with Jacob because they knew she no longer messed with Jacob. Marissa soon became Jacobs’s friend even when he lost his powers, they remained good friends. The End.
Three sentences, I was able to summarize your story. This sounds like any hero story you hear over and over where hero finds he has powers when protecting himself and everybody likes him.
What you need is a something new, a twist that no one has come up with that would make it interesting like it wasn’t Jacob who had the power but Marissa who is able to move with her mind the whole time. Put some kind of twist in the end.