Reviews for The Asphodel |
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![]() ![]() ![]() For the RG EF I think it would be pointing out the obvious to say that this isn't an easy piece to understand, but I did do what I can by looking up asphodels. Having done that, I would like to say that I like your choice of metaphor. The asphodel, both the literal bloom and the mythical flowers of Elysium, does indeed work as a symbol of the never-ending cycle that our existence might be considered as. I also like the language in general - there are moments of beauty, like the songlike rustling of the fields and the colours converging and diverging. The theme of transcience is clearly expressed, along with a sense of unwilling participation in an ongoing charade. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Writing - I have to say, the third paragraph and the last paragraph got me a little lost in the middle just because they're so big. Take that with a grain of salt though, because if this was hard-copy in front of me in a book or something, I don't know if I would've had the same problem keep trying with my eyes moving from right to left - but for the purposes of online reading, jumping to the left got a little "okay what line was I on" just in those paragraphs. Otherwise, I thought you balanced out a good place between flowery writing and well...direct writing. Sometimes that's hard, but it worked here! Favorite paragraph was definitely third to last. I really liked the word "tessellation." Opening - I can't say I really think I understand this piece 100%, but I know there's something to do with ghosts or things that don't have souls (mentioned int he second to last paragraph), so I like that you start out with that "Ghost, ghost!" opening because I kept that in mind through each vignette and it helped keep me a bit on track with what might image-wise be going on. I also liked the establishment of some sort of "we" narrator in the opening paragraph because that also gave me a leg up into the rest of the vignettes. The narrative "we" must be the ghosts or those soulless people wandering in the asphodel fields? I think my only issue is I don't get the analogy / extended metaphor/ thematic meaning. I don't know if I'm meant to take things literally. I feel this is more figurative but I can't quite grasp at it...but maybe not. Ending - Well, now that I reflect back on your last paragraph, this might be meant literally - in the sense that it's a story about people / souls trapped in a fiend of asphodels who have all died and now haunt it. Sorry if I'm just completely 100% wrong, lol - I know how that feels as a writer and it can be frustrating, but I guess instead of just not trying to riddle-it-out at all, I'd also be doing a disservice to your efforts. So I'm trying! But anyway, the ending return to the "we" narration was good - another solid base to stand on in the dense narrative style. I like the rambling bits, though I think I lose track of that "we" narrative in the middle sections, so it's good to see it return solidly at the end. Details leading up to it wre good too. I liked the ending paragraph line of "fuzzy neurons switching down into hibernation." Enjoyment - Though a *bit* hard to follow and a little challenging thematically, I liked this overall. I always find the WCCs have been great places to explore unconventional narratives and writing styles, and it's cool to see writers who take advantage of that. This reminded me overall of a lyric poem almost. Or, lyric prose, better fit. I don't see that often on FP, and I get these sense like the writing grew organically as you wrote, which is also a cool feeling to get as a reader that I enjoyed. Thanks for the read! :) |