|Reviews for Blood Moon|
| Nyx Nuit chapter 22 . 12/29/2014
Your grammar is quite good though you have a few misplaced word choices here and there like using cannon instead of Canon to describe the camera the tourists were using (which kind of bothered me). I didn't detect any spelling errors, though you did have a word missing here and there which would make your sentences seem slightly disjointed.
I have to admit, I was a little bored. Aside from Rick's obvious love of his little brother and the description of his dog I felt he was largely a blank canvas. Anne was largely uninteresting and I felt you could have really dug into the meat of Rick's journey south after his transformation, dealing with his new instincts rather than slotting right in and becoming a vicious predator. It was a good concept, and a unique one of having the predecessor pass down his memories in an effort to help the newly turned. Also, in the beginning chapters why didn't Rick just use his olfactory senses to determine that Anne was a female wolf rather than assuming she was a male and avoiding all the unnecessary drama that happened afterwards.
| Demon Writer Guy chapter 2 . 12/1/2014
The dream sequence was nice. While it isn't anything new, the details of Ricks ancestors was definitely a nice touch. Rick's own backstory is very...messed up, but in a good way. Such a backstory is definitely not used often, and while that's a plus, it's easy to screw up a backstory such as that and making it unbelievable. I doubt that'll happen, but it's still a concern.
One thing I have to question though, is that why Martin didn't question Ricks wounds healing by themselves. The guy got slashed by a wolf-like creature and jumped down a if he was lucky, he would have some major injuries that would require medical attention. For his wounds to heal so suddenly and everyone simply going along with it is just weird.
Other than that, I would say this overall a good chapter.
| Knavethefish chapter 10 . 11/22/2014
Overall, this is a very well-written story with few errors. I appreciate some of the wording you used, and some of it was placed quite cleverly. Your only apparent pitfall is somewhat random information dumps that you may want to avoid in the future.
| Knavethefish chapter 6 . 11/22/2014
The only thing I have to say is you may want to be more descriptive with the way your buildings look. Not a lot of people can form an idea of what Neo Classical or Gothic architecture look like.
| Knavethefish chapter 1 . 11/22/2014
You did a very good job using adjectives. I've not heard several of those words used.
In other news, you may want to spread out you descriptive terms. There's a section near the beginning that provides normal detail, then dumps a bunch of info about your Main Character, then continues like nothing happened, and it feels a big like an information dump.
| augie.toaste chapter 5 . 11/5/2014
The title of this chapter was pretty good. Also, this story just took a left turn. It's a bit jarring, given the events of the previous chapter - it could do with a bit of a flesh out that includes what Rick thought of the events of the previous chapters (i.e. the transformation, being attacked, finding out about wereanimals).
| D. W. Tyn chapter 1 . 11/3/2014
Pretty great start. I loved your description of the werewolf transformation; very poetic and well put.
| FictionWriter12 chapter 1 . 10/29/2014
I really liked seeing how varied your words were. I think it helped to make the story more interesting.
I found a few things that I thought to be errors, but they may not have been. "Could help but find intriguing..." He may not have been all that intrigued by them, or possibly it was a typo. "Power cables snaked descended from the top of the pyramid..." This one is more of a personal thing. I think it sounds better if there's a bit of a pause with a comma after 'snaked'. "Silver silvers of moonlight..." This may also have been stylistic, or it could have been a typo. I thought 'silver slivers' would work better there.
Beyond that, I found this story really fascinating with well-made descriptions; it helped set the mood. Hopefully more on how his first transformation happened will be revealed later on.
| Midan no Hatake chapter 3 . 10/21/2014
'...all of "this" things...' Change to "his."
'...considered wondered...' I don't know if you intended this or not, but if you really want both words here then use a comma between them, ok?
In the third-to-last sentence perhaps you could rearrange it or maybe insert the word "in" between the comma and "a"?
Like this: 'Behind him, 'in' a panicked look over his shoulder, 'he' caught Grant whistling with his fingers.'
By the way, whistling "through" his fingers might make more sense. Sorry about the nitpicking. Interesting figure with Grant, here.
| metallover chapter 2 . 10/18/2014
Okay, gory dream sequence there, with a varied mix of different ancient civilizations. I like how this gives depth to the whole ‘werewolf curse’ backstory, rather than it just being the whole ‘I got bit, now I’m going to go fight sparkly vampires’ thing that seems to be popular these days.
And our first little glimpse of the protagonist’s backstory makes him seem… well, a little deranged. Just initial impressions, though; I’m sure he’s a great guy.
When Rick gets up you mention that he walks outside twice.
“I’m Rick. From Ohio.” Gotta love it. Ohio represent!
I’m not really sold on the way Martin interacts with Rick at first; their conversation feels a little forced. However, that being said, this could also have been intentional on your part. Rick just got pulled out of the river by a total stranger, and this guy is probably thinking ‘great, another stupid tourist’ and attempting to make conversation by warning him off from the jungle. Not to mention that English probably isn’t his first language.
As a Canadian I find your line of “are you sure you’re not Canadian” to be funny as hell.
As Rick and Martin continue to interact I find myself sitting here thinking ‘wow, Martin’s a ridiculously nice guy’. I can’t help but feel like it’s building up to something later, like he’s another werewolf or something and he’s going all mentor on Rick. Pure speculation, but that’s how it feels.
| metallover chapter 1 . 10/18/2014
Okay, I’m not sold on the description of the setting in the jungle at first, but your description of the character was well done. Then you seem to get some traction and the jungle seems to come alive in your writing, so I don’t really get what happened at the start there in those first two paragraphs.
‘He was a long way from Ohio’. I like that line. I’m not sure why, but it fits the setting well and made me chuckle a little.
Your description of the mural wall and the way your character is entranced by it is pretty good too, very believable. The transformation sequence is well done, too. Your description combines the anatomical changes with just that little bit of visceral oomph a lot of writers can’t seem to balance.
My only real gripe with this first chapter is the lack of build up to the tense confrontation with the werewolf (or were-jaguar). There’s tension and mood being used well there, but there’s just no build up to it and you go from zero to ten a little too fast for my taste. I’m also a little lost as to what’s going on beyond what’s right in front of me. It’s making me want to read more, that’s for sure, but maybe throw the reader a few more little titbits of background to explain what’s going on? The whole ‘Uncharted 2’ technique of drop the reader in the middle of the story and let them figure it out gets a little tedious at times, but I’m digging it here. Now that I’ve said that it’s all going to get explained in the next chapter, and I’m going to look like an idiot…
| Tosha Goff chapter 2 . 10/16/2014
This is a pretty good chapter. I will admit that I felt a little embarrassed for Rick myself when he woke up that morning. I'm kind of getting a suspicious vibe about Martin. I don't know why, though. Also, I'm not so sure that I like the idea that he gave Rick that gun, but that might be just me being paranoid. Again, there's a few errors in here. You might wanna reread your chapters and check for spelling errors before you upload. I know that nobody's perfect and that a few may slip by here and there, but I'm not gonna rant against you for making a mistake that can easily be fixed.
| Tosha Goff chapter 1 . 10/16/2014
This seems like an interesting first chapter. The scenes are very well detailed as well as the transformation and fight scene. I like that you mixed Mayan myth in with this story, makes it rather unique. There were a few mistakes here and there, though. Nothing big, mind you, it just caught my attention. By the way it looked, it seemed that you got a little excited while writing this.
"...creating an eerie illumination that his mind could help but find intriguing." Could should be couldn't, unless you meant for it to be that way.
"Power cables snaked descended..." This can go two ways: It's either 'snaked down' or simply 'descended.'
"He reminded himself a magnificent as the monument was..." 'a' should be 'as.'
"Silver silvers of moonlight..." 'silvers' should be 'slivers.'
"The enemy werewolf pinned him to the ground with vice-like grip..." There should be an 'a' after with.
"... but there was thing that drew his frazzled attention." 'thing' should be 'something.'
That's all the errors that I could find. Sorry this review is so long.
| augie.toaste chapter 2 . 10/14/2014
"No gun? Sure you're not Canadian." I laughed aloud at that line.
Again, great research that makes this world feel complete and real. Martin seems to take it all in stride, and is super helpful. We need more people like that in the real world. :) But going as far as giving Rick a gun? Mmmm. Interesting. Will he be a recurring character? Does he have some sort of vested interest in Rick's survival?
It will be interesting to see where this story is headed.
| Demon Writer Guy chapter 1 . 10/14/2014
"Silver silvers" the end should be slivers.
I really liked the way you described the transformation. The similes you used were really creative and it clearly showed how much pain the main character was in as he transformed.
Story-wise, there isn't a whole lot to say, since it's just the first chapter, but so far I like it. The white werewolf suddenly attacking out of nowhere is confusing, and so is it being sorry for doing so.
Overall it's a great start to a chapter. I'll continue reading it once you post more chapters.