Reviews for Fantasy World Online I: New Roads!
reddir chapter 6 . 2/12/2015
Ok, it seems the Respect stat is Others' respect for Him. At first, I thought it meant the respect He showed Others. I was thinking Courtesy instead of Esteem.


Its been a fun read so far. I hope you continue the story, or maybe post anymore you've written.
reddir chapter 5 . 2/12/2015
This was a lot of fun to read.

A clever character, many different things going on, nice detail without it being too much.

The interaction between Ben and the other characters could have been more detailed, but what you have fits with the tone of the story.

It is also nice to show how Ben is concerned about killing the near-innocents. And also his bravery.

I really like how the newStats at the end are clearly developed though the chapter. I don't see how Respect raised as high as 15, but you definitely showed how he earned the rest.
reddir chapter 4 . 2/12/2015

I have a suspicion...
reddir chapter 3 . 2/11/2015
Here you say Ben has only received F class quests so far. Yet in the last chapter, you said the Baker's Husband quest was E class.

As someone who likes rpgs, its good to think of a gameworld that is so responsive to the player. The 'Mentor' concept is really great. I wonder how difficult it would be to program this into a game.

You might want to offer stats on other starter weapons, so that readers will have some context to understand why "The sword sounded amaising." (sp).

Still enjoying the development of the character's skills and understanding of the gameworld.
reddir chapter 2 . 2/11/2015
When I did a search for VR on this site, this is the kind of story I had in mind. I found a lot of other very good stories here, but your's is the first which focused on stats and learning skills, and conveyed what a player really experiences when new to a gameworld (no combat yet, but I'm guessing it is coming).

If you want any help with editing, I can probably help a little. This would be for spelling, word choice, and some grammar.
reddir chapter 1 . 2/11/2015
Ok, have to say that this chapter is full of spelling and grammar errors. Is English not your main language? The word choice is also off in many places.

I liked the reveal about the new game being a Fantasy one. I was really starting to wonder and felt just like the interview host. Nicely done.

I really liked your presentation of the trailer video. Normally something that long would get boring for me, but you kept it interesting, and gave me a clear understanding of what the game promised and why gamers would be super excited for it.
However, the levels and such were unclear. I'm guessing 'beginner', 'intermediate', and 'professional' are tiers, and each has a range of levels within it, which reset to 1 when a character reaches the next tier?

At the end of the chapter, I felt just like Ben. You really caught my attention.