|Reviews for Thirty Seconds of Silence|
| Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 1 . 10/11/2014
It's a good thing to experiment with pronouns and POVS. It's not so much of a good thing to switch your pronouns and POV so much that you render your reader confused. I must say that from the get-go, because I am pretty sure that what you attempted here was an experimental device. I'm just not so sure that it worked much to your favour: I felt pretty confused as to who all 'you's' 'I's' and 'he' or 'she's' were in this ficlet. I am not a mind reader, so that was a bit hard to follow.
That being said, your language is very powerful and descriptive. Your opening is definitely one of the most engaging I've read today, because with the help of your very vivid language, you pulled me into the story – or better said, even forced me to experience all those various sensations. That's not only good, but fantastic as that's one of the ways to make a reader feel interested. Furthermore, your language is very pretty and creative: you really make the reader envision things, and thus make the horror of the situation all the more immediate and shocking. I like how the beauty of the descriptions contradicts the horror of the moment. I also like, how, for a moment there's a spell of peace before everything goes to hell. I think this really shows the shock and thrill of such a moment; it's all so incomprehensible that we just do not know how to react.
Your handling of emotions is good too: it's appropriately dramatic, but it doesn't feel cheap as you don't go over the top.
This review was brought to you by the Review Game Forum's October Review Marathon (link in my profile).