|Reviews for Innovating Feelings|
| Miss-Tris chapter 1 . 6/18/2015
This short poses the ever present question of whether to follow one's heart or mind. It is a good question that only the individual can answer. It's been a pleasure reading. I look forward to more posts.
| echogirlcapri chapter 1 . 12/11/2014
Hiya! This is Capri reviewing from the ROADHOUSE.
Looks/ sounds interesting! "Innovating Feelings." Hmm, intriguing :)
Disclaimer: All comments are my own opinions and not to be disputed as fact.
Warning: I'm going to speak directly to your protag, so I'll probably refer to her as "Jas" much of the time. Sorry if this isn't the way you normally get reviews.
To start off, I'm surprised that you used the "&" symbol in normal narration ... Unless it's got a purpose (you're a robot narrator,etc) I'd just type out "and."
I was probably the least athletic person in my class, but I LOVED P.E. Jasmyn, when you say you hate P.E. because you're not athletic, that doesn't seem like a good enough excuse. Being bad at something doesn't equate hating it. Also, you sound like the typical protag: awfully unalthletic and reluctant to do physical activity of any kind. I'm telling you, that's not how it is. Many people enjoy exercise and sports even though they suck at them. Cliche alert, Jas. Then again, it's your story, so I'll just let you continue on./
Chill, girlfriend. You don't need to tell me about all of your teachers in one go. I'm never going to be able to remember them all that way. Introduce them as they're relevant - for example, once you actually MAKE it to their class - or not at all. Don't infodump me!
At least, however, I do like how you state you can't remember their names either.
C'mon, Jas, you just met the dude, how do you know he's Japanese? He could be another Asian race for all you know. Unless you're some kind of expert on the appearances of the Asian races. Nope, didn't see you mention that.
Who's Ryder? The least you could do was introduce us.
Who. Is. Ryun. Why is his name spelled funny and why does it look almost exactly like Ryder.
OK, Jazzy, a bit of analysis on your narration. I'm a grammar Nazi, so let me first point out that you make a lot of comma errors. Easy fixes.
You're plotline seems simple enough - you're going to a new high school, etc - but the way you tell the story is extremely different than anything I've read before. On the one hand, there are a lot of exclamation points and you do a lot of things that grammar critics would tell you to never do - jumbled up past and present tense, mix between thoughts, italicized thoughts, and regular narration, all that stuff.
And yet it hits very surprisingly close to the way thought processes ACTUALLY go.
Most stories have family clear-cut narration. Yours follows your head. It's like I'm actually with you, hearing you mumble aloud. It's shockingly realistic and, I dare to think, carefully crafted.
Now, I'm not sure if you wrote it this way intentionally. You might have just sat at your computer and typed out whatever came to mind. There will probably be many who dislike your work because it's not really the conventional way to write, but I enjoy it. The human mind isn't conventional. It's not clear cut. It jumps around a lot and it doesn't always explain things.
I really, truly think this has potential.
Thanks for a great read, Jasmyn! Hope your high-schooling goes well.
Note to Author: Hope my review style didn't distract too much! I'd love to read more when I get a chance, and I'll keep reviewing if you review my story Boys Bantam. Thanks!
| RaynaThompson chapter 1 . 11/9/2014
Okay so, I want to start by saying I love this, I will be adding it to my favourites when I post the review. I have only managed to read the first chapter but I think this is fabulous. If I'm completely honest with you... There isn't a thing I would change. Right down to your use of italics is brilliant, Just wondering, do you actually write these chapters in the copy and paste box? Because I may start doing the same, your layout is so much easier to read than mine! As I said though I am really liking the start of this, I am busy this week but I will try my hardest to read a couple more chapters as I upload my own - again thank you for reviewing ITHB :)
| Blazing Lights chapter 1 . 11/2/2014
Hello, I am a lurker from the roadhouse and decided to give your story here a try. Fair warning I usually don't read romance and humor, so yeah, not my cup of tea.
Your main character Jasmyn has a very unique and in my opinion a likable personality to the point a little annoying. Her personality gives the story a upbeat and innocent tone.
I like the names of your characters. It is nice to see some less common names or common names spelled differently for a change.
That's all I really have to say but at some point I shall being reading on to your latest chapter and leaving another review there. That review should hopefully be a little more in depth.
have a Wondrous Day!:)
| The Littlest Mouse chapter 1 . 11/1/2014
So far, I like it. It's simple and sweet, nothing too complicated. I really like the first line about feelings being thoughts from the heart and how that'll be the way he gets to her. I would be careful with your male character! He could easily become this rapey-stalker character and I don't think you'll want that. If I were you, I'd have him do small, sweet things to try and get her to love him. Even have him show off his intelligence to her! Then, when it really counts, have him there to pick up the pieces, not only as someone who loves her romantically, but as a friend.
That's all I got!
| LiVEWiRE360 chapter 1 . 11/1/2014
This story interests me in a way. Although, i cant exactly visualize what i see and on some parts i didnt exactly know what was going on. But i do like Jasmyns personality and im curious about the Joseph Ryder character. Good names btw. ;)
| WafflesandUnicorn chapter 7 . 10/26/2014
I absolutely love this story! However I have one problem with it: Ryun. He's such a pain in the ass, but he's funny so I guess I can deal with it. Anyway, loved it! Please update soon! :)
| Mistval chapter 1 . 10/21/2014
Lots of background information here, a good way to start. I'm interested in this crazy high school she's going to. It sounds a lot like my university xD not like a high school!
| AuraLancer chapter 1 . 10/17/2014
Wow, this is nice. Somewhat identifiable, even. I like the way you set up your main character, and the inner monologues she has are charming :) If there was one thing I'd work on, it's the jumpy pacing...unless you're trying to use it to show us how your character's mind works, then that's fine. I'll keep reading this!
| RandomWriter01 chapter 1 . 10/14/2014
I enjoyed this chapter, I'm looking very forward to the others. (Yes, I am indeed reading your story at your request which I'm glad to have taken up.) Keep up the good work(:
| Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 1 . 10/12/2014
Hmm, the concept of this is interesting, and some of it is seriously relatable. I'm currently on a CompSci course, and one of the few females in my year as well, so I know how difficult it can be to deal with the fact that you're one of the only few women in your class. I also can relate to the horror and stress of the first day, and I liked how you painted those emotions so clearly. Though, to be honest, I'm not sure how relevant all this amount of detail is for a first time reader – I guess I myself just wouldn't devote a whole chapter to first day, but then again, I didn't mind too much. It was interesting reading about Jasmyne's time table, and I liked how her thoughts were so random and erratic. It makes her cute and likeable; she seems like a Genius Ditz, in fact :3 I can also relate to her hatred of P.E – I like working out, but team sports are a nightmare, so this was kind of fun to read about.
Hmm, I like your opening actually. It's what pulled me into the story, because of the argument there (I've always been intrigued as to whether you can hide your emotions). It's a fun intro too, because it makes the reader wonder about how this conversation came to be in the first place. I also like the writing style, because it's relatively easy to read and flows well (some small errors and there, but nothing awful).
This review was brought to you by the Review Game Forum's October Review Marathon (link in my profile).
| Chieri-Tomochin chapter 1 . 10/9/2014
Your names seem really Asian is it that you really like those type of names or just can't think of any other you've got good grammar and overall based it off a seemingly typical teen life but at the same time make it up the good work and update soon.