|Reviews for Geocentric Confusion|
| Electrumwriter chapter 1 . 1/2/2016
Impressive opening line, with Theia cutting through the vastness of outer space like a celestial blade.
Love the attention to detail with the precise weights and measurements of the Theia too, I’m such a nerd for this type of thing.
The aliens are not good looking, going by Wowane, but they seem cuter by the end than they do initially. I suppose they wanted to populate earthlike planets with workers to do their mining for them?
Anyhow, I like this idea of where the Moon comes from. Wowane’s predictions turn out to be spot on. He is very clearheaded and analytical. I get the impression that Wowane feels responsibility for Earth’s population? He ends with “we will always be there for them.” So the advanced aliens are checking up on us to ensure no disasters? Are they going to intervene more now?
| alltheeagles chapter 1 . 9/28/2015
I think you have the sci-fi speak down pat! It’s reminiscent of Star Trek, but I don’t think you need to invent a whole new language of your own – sometimes it’s the familiarity that makes a story easy to digest. I’d think the aliens would want to mine the planet for uranium and iron rather than gold, but well, it works either way. I also like the possibe implications that you bring up. The planet is clearly meant to be earth, from the bit on early (cave)men, and I’m not too sure if I have the right interpretation, but I think that the aliens set up base on the moon? In that case, it’d be cool if you added something right at the end to confirm that – maybe some kind of encounter between the first moon-landers and the the descendants of the aliens.
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 2/3/2015
I liked all the nods to hard sci-fi space travel stuff in here. I was drawing upon things like Star Trek and even Prometheus in the sense of "aliens put us here" as an origin explanation for our existence.
I was mostly also impressed by how you handled the technology and referenced the ship's movements and how it created the Earth, I thought all the jargon meshed well and ya know, to me it felt pretty convincing. I'm not huge into spaceships or even the science of the stars (I'm horrible at science and math subjects, big surprise) and I'm ironically attempting in my newest novel project to tackle the tech of starships and space travel, so I'm glad I checked this piece out because I like seeing how you handle the technology. I think I could stand to learn something from it, heh!
The other thing I liked was the Captain's reassurance that everything would be okay (also I really like his name, Wowane - how cool, haha) because I thought that confident sort of exuded a god-like air. That moment is also even echoed in how Wowane thinks of humankind in the last fuller paragraph, in regards to their quest for knowledge and curiosity about the Heavens. Fun sci-fi piece, enjoyed this!
| Cheddar-Graham chapter 1 . 12/10/2014
For the review game, easy fix
I like your dialogue - I think it sounds very sci-fi! Some people might complain that you're being too generic with thrusters (what kind?) instruments (named?) etc but that's not an issue for me because I appreciate the plot.
So that's the second thing I like - the plot. I dunno if it sounds funny, but I think it's sweet. I'm no scientist, but it also sounds plausible as an 'origin' story. Very interesting!
| This Guy Again chapter 1 . 11/4/2014
The first line of this story is a really great way to start. The imagery is vivid, and paints a picture straight away of a sleek ship cutting through the black. A treat for any fan of sci-fi. It's not just the first line that features some great imagery here though, it's weaved in throughout the whole piece, showcasing your talent for descriptive writing.
As for criticism, there are three points that come to mind. The first is a simple mistake (at least I think it was a mistake, forgive me if it was intentional.)
[The payload disengaged from the ship and hurdled into the vacuum of space.] 'Hurdled' here should be 'hurtled'.
The second point of criticism is something that isn't actually an issue, it was just something that struck me. Almost all of your dialogue lines are finished with an exclamation mark. Now I understand that they're doing something extraordinary and exciting, but it makes it seem like they're all panicking. Of course, that's fine if you intended for them all to seem panicked.
As for the third point, it's another none-issue really. More of a grumble to be honest. The third point is that, damn it, this is just so short. I want more!
Other than that one misplaced word (the other two points aren't really issues) this story was faultless. I really liked the premise. I'm quite partial to the idea that we didn't appear naturally on this planet, and I liked this idea about the moon being something manufactured. A very interesting thought. Anyway, overall a really good piece of writing.
-from the roadhouse
| Ckh chapter 1 . 11/3/2014
I had to read the story a few times to get a gist of the plot twist at the end. At first, I thought the story was about humans creating another planet. After a few reads, I realized that the "humans" in the spaceship were actually aliens and they actually created the moon and that somehow brought about life on earth. Overall, I find this to be quite a good take on the sci fi aspect and I got to say that spaceship must be darn large to carry a planet the size of the moon.
| WrathChild chapter 1 . 10/21/2014
The image of Starship Theia cutting through space like a 'celestial blade' was very vivid. It was a fantastic opening line that drew me right into the story.
Wowane staring into the emptiness of space was another great piece of imagery. I am quite convinced at this point that you have a great talent of descriptive narration.
"Nothing left except for the journey" Well done! That was almost lyrical, it gives an idea of the vastness of space or 'ancient space' in the context of this story.
The dialogue between Wowane and his crew is quite believable, but a tiny bit predictable. But I understand that you cant add too much flavour in dialogue between superiors and the people working under them.
The basic premise of your story is quite fascinating as well. Are the crew looking to plant life in a solar system? It seems like they are engineering new life in the moon that they launched into orbit. No wait! The blue planet, first man stepping on the moon. Are these reptilian creatures our forerunners?
My Goodness! This is fantastic! I will definitely read on!
| m. b. whitlock chapter 1 . 10/19/2014
RG EF #6,221
This is really fun and brings up so many of those great Science fiction takes on the eternal questions that have always fascinated humanity – Where did we come from? Who created the heavens? What's our purpose?
Reading this conjures up Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five often, especially the Tralfamadorian aspect of the plot. This is a really good thing IMO because Vonnegut is one of the greats and such great fun to read!
Okay here are some notes:
Like your opening:
"At 100,020 tons and 1,092 feet in length, the Theia was the largest of the Anunnaki's space carriers, capable of traversing the stars while carrying payloads of monumental size across entire galaxies. Now, Theia was on a mission of the utmost importance."
I think the names, like "Annunaki" and "Theia" are really good. Fun references to mythology and the occult there. Totally works with the twist at the end too. :)
"tethered to the ship via gravitational pylons."
Hmm… Pylons? That's just hard for me to picture. Why not say something like 'bound to the ship via gravitational tethers.' I guess I tend to see 'pylons' as posts or discrete objects of some sort, not lines of attachment… Could be just me though.
"his reptilian visage reflected *against* the glass." reflected *in* the glass perhaps?
"They were so far gone now that all directions were meaningless to their relative position; no north, no south, no horizon to speak of.
Nothing left except for the journey."
How can they journey on if there are no directions to go?
Might want to reword this too a little:
"preparing to make their impossible jaunt."
I mean, if it's *impossible* why would they try it? You could use 'improbable' or 'fantastic' or 'excruciatingly difficult'…?
"When Wowane spoke, his voice seemed to echo with the majesty of the cosmos."
Don't know if you meant this repeated phrase:
"the heart of the ship rushed and beat, *rushed and beat* and the hull strained with immense pressure."
Really like this too:
"For one brief, glorious moment the light from the jettisoned object spilled into the bridge, casting a shadowy glow the color of pale silk across terminals and wide, reptilian eyes."
One thing though, I would cut the word "shadowy", because something 'shadowy' can't really glow. The rest of it, again, is great. :)
Very cool story! Wondering if you've read Vonnegut. ;) Love that dude.
| alcoholicpanda chapter 1 . 10/18/2014
Well, I'll be honest, this was actually kind of confusing for me at first. They landed on Earth, right? Pretty neat, kinda freaky too. I like it, a lot. Your writing style is terrific, a lot better than mine.
| Jitterbug Blues chapter 1 . 10/18/2014
I always look forward to the endings of your short stories, because I've become primed to expect something out of left field, and this was no exception (and certainly a delight).
I like how the time period in which this story is placed was left ambiguous in the beginning. There's a knee-jerk reaction in my brain whenever I see sci-fi to assume it's set in the future (possibly a testament to human arrogance, haha) so when the payload had been delivered and Wowane was musing about the first man 'billions of years from now' that put a smile on my face. The moon has been romanticized, worshiped, and ascribed to so many other things associated with mysticism, and to have it described here with cold, hard descriptions as a planetoid deployed by alien life presents a stark contrast that is well appreciated.
I do have to wonder about the future Apollo 11 in this universe. ;)
JM for RG EF
| Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 1 . 10/17/2014
Oddly enough, I did just watch Space Odyssey the other day XD. I'm not really sure what to say about this: the concept is really intriguing, and I think it's also kind of cool, because it was unexpected. I mean I was expecting the spacecraft to explode, so this little twist was a nice touch :3 What I also like is that it's a very nice tribute to the sci-fi genre in general, with quite a few nods to Star Trek and others: I especially like that the nods are never overblown, and that you still convey this piece with its own unique touch :3 This - and I really like that too - is especially made evident by your vibrant, very colourful and vivid writing style; it's beautiful without being too detailed, and yet it's also never bare or simplistic. It's also always fun :3, and yet what I liked about this piece is that it has some truth-provoking lines here and there, about mankind being lonely, and yet these aliens always being there for them. I think, in a way, that's a bit soothing :3
| CiceroVIII chapter 1 . 10/14/2014
Short and sweet. It gets to the point but captivates while it does so. Very good read.
I personally love sci-fi and this is right up my alley. I honestly joined this game only for the detailed review of MY story, but honestly? This one deserves to be fallowed unlike the others.
I liked the fact that it makes you picture this far off and distant future following a gargantuan ship traveling through space only to realize that they're headed towards earth when man is still yet at infancy.
I also like the wording used here. Sounds a lot like Star Trek in my opinion. Was it an inspiration perhaps? Anyways you can defiantly paint a picture. I will read more when you have more chapters.
| deadaccount2019 chapter 1 . 10/14/2014
I love the take on Earth (as we know it) and the moon's creation. You include a lot of nice little tidbits reflecting what science has learned so far about the world, and although there is a clear scientific explanation behind it, the near-whimsy of Wowane's thoughts of the future species of the planet creates a very nice, subtle spiritual feel to it. I do sort of wish I knew more of the motives behind Wowane and his people, but sticking to a simple explanation of their mission definitely keeps the story focused.
The only place in the story I thought could use some work were introspective paragraphs toward the end of the story. The present-tense sounds out of place in them and made me more aware of the fact that I was reading, essentially making it less immersive at the end. This of course could be a stylistic choice you made, so do take that thought with a grain of salt. :)
| XxLoveMakesTheWorldGoRoundxX chapter 1 . 10/12/2014
Okay! Let's begin, first thing first this was very good and you should be proud of it :)
Now let's talk about what's great, to be blunt I'm not a sic fi girl but this was very enjoyable! Your style of prose was clean and not overly flowery, the dialogue was crisp and nice and kept my attention.
I think you should work on more world building to explain it because you created a new one, talk about what happens when they seed the planets. What happens to the natives? And I would work on creating more of a mood with this story because I couldn't tell what I was supposed to be feeling
Again great job and keep writing and growing!