Reviews for Video Game Legends: The Recruitment
DevilishET chapter 1 . 11/12/2014
It's an interesting story, I like it so far. I just have a few thoughts on grammar and structure. Your sentence "But imagine if the powers that the heroes and villains in the games wee real?" I believe is missing a word. I know what you're trying to say.
I think you should try to find a way to combine your first and second sentence in the second paragraph. It makes it seem a little choppy to say the moon shone bright and then the start of the next sentence is again about the moon shining.
Lastly, I think you should add a little more detail to both the figures and their surroundings. What did they sound like? With the way you set it up so far it seems like its supposed to be a "mysterious" setting, so show it. It's a great story so far though!
Btw, I'm guessing you live in Australia? ;P
I shall keep reading :)