|Reviews for Survivor|
| Walkerfan chapter 3 . 12/9/2014
I like it
| majestic soul0827 chapter 2 . 11/2/2014
I love it i added a new chapter to infected love check it out
| Shampoo Suicide chapter 1 . 10/28/2014
I like the opening. It's interesting and engaging enough to make you wonder where the scene is headed, why these vandals had destroyed this place and what led up to it. It's also descriptive enough without being overwrought, in a chapter as short as this one that's a nice thing.
I'm intrigued by the plot to this as well, thus far. I'm not a big horror reader or anything, but am familiar enough with the conventions of zombie stories that this seems like a well done one. I like the bleakness of it, the sparse quality of the writing contributes to that.
Speaking of writing, as I mentioned it has a simple, sparse, but engaging quality to it. I like that you chose present tense, it adds a nice immediacy to it that I think a zombie story needs.
The final scene was spectacular, and the very ending was nicely done as well, though not quite as hooky in terms of making you want to read on as the opening. But the overall quality of this suggests it is worth reading, so I commend you for that!
| Jitterbug Blues chapter 1 . 10/27/2014
Plot: I pretty much like how dark and bleak this is; it's unapologetic in approach too, which seems to be realistic, given the setting and backdrop of the story. Of course, stories like this have been done dimes a dozen, but I always like to see the ones with a more rough, pessimistic approach, because it tells a lot about human nature, and I find your approach here quite bitter and grim, but also thought-provoking. It's not unrealistic to assume that, in times of distress and trouble, people would just go back to anarchy. I like that you're not afraid to show how embittered and cruel people can become over age, and I also like that the story is already set during a time when the worst has already happened. It makes it so much more interesting to ponder over how society has changed. Likewise, I like the hints of friendship/interaction you're giving us here with the guy was being violated introduced as someone the narrator knows. It already sets up more tension, and promises to introduce more conflict/backstory (especially for the narrator). It's definitely an interesting concept.
Characters: I like how you write the narrator as this disillusioned, detached person who observes everything with disgust. It shows that, while he's become hardened by this world, he's still got some scope of moral decency. This also shows in how he saves the guy from being violated any further - it sets him up as someone who'd fight for the weak. It's interesting too how you hint at his having been mild-mannered before, but having become prone to using violence as a matter of survival. It hints that he's gone through a lot of pain to become like this. I also think he's become violent too though, which is shown in his readiness to kill. He may be better than those thugs, but he's still not a saint nor do I think he's someone who's incredibly sociable. In fact, the lines about him dissing others and being so obviously embittered rather suggest that he's more of a lone wolf type.
Pacing: In all honesty, I think you could have slowed down a bit, especially during the rape scene. I don't think it should have been slow motion, but it also seemed to come across as a bit abrupt and rushed, with some details being skimmed over. I am not saying you need to write out the details, but I would just ensure that you keep the brutality of the fast pace, by just fleshing out the sentences a bit more, or making the reading flow seem a bit slower. It's not so rushed as that it's not enjoyable - in fact, I generally like the pace, but with such key moments, I'd just ensure that you don't come across as too breathless. Otherwise, the pacing is generally kind of realistic-fast, with the story coming across as natural, because you don't extend your scenes to an unhealthy amount nor focus too much on a single particular moment.
Writing: I think some of your prose could be tightened a bit, with a clearer focus on little details that paint a scene in one's mind (like the introduction, where you could for an even more vibrant approach to showcase even more atmosphere). I also would add a bit more fleshing out here and there, just so the cruelty of this world shines out even more. Those are just suggestions though, and don't need to be followed. I generally like your prose; it's very readable and easy to get through, with good lines that demonstrate clear anger and emotion. I especially like the bit where the narrator denounces the people who sully things/objects. I also like how your writing comes across as realistic first person POV, because of the short sentences and focus on what's the most important, rather than giving us an entire overview of what's happening.