|Reviews for Esper Heaven: Souta Anglais|
| KimonoQueen chapter 1 . 12/6/2014
Okay, I'm intrigued. However, as this is not as oneshot, I think you answered a large part of your own summary question ("...just why is he wanted dead so much?") by yourself and way too early. It would have been possible to make Souta an 'unreliable narrator' by concealing from us, the reader, that he had made the video. Nevertheless, I see great potential in having people come at him in various ways and with various results. There is no cliffhanger here so I don't exactly feel compelled to read the next chapter, but I WILL do so when it comes out, just to see where this is headed and if it's my style :)
Some plot/characterisation issues that sprang to mind:
-If Souta is just doing this to ease his boredom, why should we want to root for him or even see how things turn out for him? If he has nothing to lose or protect, how can the reader empathise?
-He's a teenage boy. Yes, a rich one, but not some jaded immortal in kid form. Why is he so bored with life?
-Why does he only have one friend? Why are they even friends as opposed to Souta being friends with others? They don't appear to have anything in common, and we know nothing influential about the friend other than his family name.
Rather than do the info dump in the lesson (and, by the way, we have no idea what lesson that was that would be telling them that kind of thing today), or even IN ADDITION to it, I think this opening chapter would have benefitted from being much longer, if not just to show us MORE of this world. I think you could be more descriptive about setting and appearance. Souta's family name is Anglais, which makes him sound maybe mixed with Japanese and something else, which would give him a special look, maybe, but we know nothing. I know we don't HAVE to know everything from the get-go but, more than the premise being told to us, I think we need to be shown more about our protagonist in order to comfortably go along with him.
I felt that you gave us a play-by-play only. The dialogue and scenes are fine. I can imagine how it would flow in the opening episode of an anime. But, unfortunately, this is written word, not video. So I think you can't skimp on describing the visuals and atmosphere.
Wow, this review is long lol Anyway, I've got you on alert so I look forward to the next installment!
Thank you for sharing!
| YumehaMinakami chapter 1 . 11/5/2014
It has a good flow and a good plot, however I'm still not very used to reading a piece of prose in the present tense (that's just a personal preference anyways). Anyways, characters are interesting though some are a bit flat. Overall it is good but when I read the last part (your notes) I would just like to suggest that you focus writing on nothing more than two to make them great. Multitasking your writings is hard.
| Kenshin Kojima chapter 1 . 11/1/2014
Well... You're right, this protagonist is different than the ones I've seen in your other stories. Souta appears to be a spoiled, rich kid who is a thrill junkie. I am shocked that he placed the bounty on his own head so he could get a license (which you spelled incorrectly, BTW). And you also spelled "principal" wrong.
Still, I think you should've waited to make the big reveal of the 'Joker of Spades'. Of course, that's my opinion.
Overall, this was an interesting chapter. I am curious to see where you go with this story.
Thanks for the read!
| Rogue Melody Angel chapter 1 . 10/29/2014
Awesome! The gu is just wacked to order his own death! But hey, when life is dull, you probally do anything for some excitement even jump off a cliff. Hope to read more!
BTW! Your stories are thus far all awesome, no need to put yourself down, cause you rock te fiction world with some of your idees!
| 360pages chapter 1 . 10/25/2014
Hmm, seems like there was a somewhat better way to put info in rather than having some exposition dumps sprinkled here. Though it one flaw that comes with creating an entire world such as this, you need to find a way to get all info to the reader without making it jarring for them.
| Overlord Susanoo chapter 1 . 10/23/2014
Amazing this story is incredible and Souta he is amazing man I wish more manga and anime writers could write characters like you do you always have me surprised and enjoying the story.