|Reviews for Fate's Path|
| PoetryMagic12 chapter 1 . 11/4/2014
This poem is deep. I LOVE it. You have a great talent. Though I think you could have made each sentence longer. It feels like it's cut off with the commas.
Like these lines: "she longs for something that
lights up like a memory and feels
like a lifetime holding onto
it, growing hopeful and brave . . ." This could be changed a bit to me. You also don't have to use "it" in both comma sentence. That's my opinion . . . I am just trying to help, don't take it personally.
"She longs for something that lights up,
Feels like a lifetime holding onto it.
Growing hopeful and brave,
She does know fate is cruel to lovers.
So she waits."
That's how I would have done the first line of the poem. This is from my experience. You did a great job otherwise. You can leave it, it's your poem after all.
I was wondering if you can read/review my poems. I would mean a lot if I had your opinion. It makes you stronger as a poet and as a writer. Perhaps it will inspired you, give you ideas too. I would really appreciate it. Thanks. You have amazing potential. Keep writing, please. I hoped I helped you.