|Reviews for The Roommate|
| JaredB chapter 1 . 11/26/2014
This was actually not a terrible story, and it has potential to almost become a longer story if you were so inclined to go in that direction.
The dialogue was really was made this story. It wasn't PERFECT, of course, but it created a nice tension between the two characters.
However, logistically this story's rough. I mean, how did he kill her without any signs of struggle or blood? I'm not saying it's not POSSIBLE to kill somebody without a sign of struggle or blood, obviously there are methods (poison, possibly strangulation, etc.) but I would have liked to KNOW. This goes back to your bad habit of simply TELLING us things that would have been so much cooler had you shown us - i.e. killing the girl. You and I have already had our debates about this subject, however, so you know my stance on that.
Furthermore, how long has this John guy had this body underneath the bed? You know body's begin to smell, right? Once again, there could be many exceptions to this rule, but since you didn't specify anything, it leaves certain things up to the reader's imagination. (sometimes a dangerous thing to do).
My last nitpick is when Charles says "So, what are we gong to do with our rotting friends?" .. my nitpick is because technically, the girl he just killed isn't rotting. UNLESS John's dead body is rotting ... in which case - I mean, that's just gross. And it goes back to my whole "body's begin to smell" complaint.
But hey man, I didn't mind this story over all. Keep that dialogue strong!
| Jack Cherbourg chapter 1 . 11/19/2014
That's what friends are for.
| cardiff1984 chapter 1 . 11/18/2014
Charles and John are something else, they should be put away. Killing for fun? They're delusional if they think they can get away with multiple murders for the rest of their lives.
Exciting story, your short stories are fun to read.