|Reviews for The Underground|
| doc2or chapter 13 . 2/24/2015
Oh no, you lost the info on the drive. Unlucky chapter thirteen I guess. Sounds as if daddy Kite is starting to really miss his baby girl and sounds as if he is getting a little worried about her as well.
The reapers sound really interesting and they look too pay a heavy price for the use of their powers and are very loyal and brave for accepting those consequences for a brief amount of time. I am looking forward to see what they can do especially with the foes that the kids faced before. Speaking of which I wonder what the villains up to right now, haven't heard from them for a while.
I hope you can save the story off your drive, thanks and good luck Kio-chii.
| doc2or chapter 12 . 2/24/2015
Well I didn't think they were in a lot of danger with the conductors but it is nice to see that Trist has some kind of plan in mind to get where she needs to that Trist would have had contact with the conductors before especially Ivy and her family, she knew exactly what it would take to seal the deal for passage. I didn't know Eibo was such a rare and valued bug. Poor Mesma battering himself against the door for nothing, and interesting use of power by Trist. So she is able to freeze objects, something like liquid nitrogen? Thanks for another great chapter.
| doc2or chapter 11 . 2/14/2015
Although not much action in this chapter there is a lot of new information here both about bugs and the marked. We meet new people and new bugs. i am trying to imagine how the 'bird' beast would manifest in its host, I wonder if they could fly. And that Cruz bug sounds pretty vicious, more so than a burrowing or Mesma bug. I wonder what Kitty will tell everybody when the young ones gather together.
So Kite has been pretty soft on Trist and now that could come back to bite him. i am very curious about these reapers and what they can do as well as what Trist can actually do when she shows her powers. Thank you.
| doc2or chapter 10 . 2/14/2015
I guess i have to forgive you since Kitty didn't die. I bet she never thought that a bug would end up saving her life, at least she's willing to tolerate one bug. It's a start. Sad that she will not become leader after Izzy but her and Mesma might have a hance now. I really liked the idea that the mark will shift to another if it needs to.
Typical teenagers rushing in to something without thinking anything through, and now they are already in trouble barely starting out on their daunting journey. Thank you Kio-chii.
| doc2or chapter 9 . 2/14/2015
Hey I thought you weren't going to post any new chapters for a while, good thing I finally checked my emails, lol.
OMG! Did you kill Kitty? Wasn't expecting that, and it's not looking too good for Trist either at the moment. Saved by the bear. (sorry bad pun)
You are becoming pretty good at these cliffy endings, maybe too good. Thank you.
| doc2or chapter 8 . 1/27/2015
Yay, another chapter. It looks like your slowing the pace down a bit deciding todedicate some time to our favorite D.O.L.L. Tesla. I thought he would automatically know the route but you gave a decent explanation why he didn't. The best part, he was saved by another D.O.L.L. Kobo who was the first one ever made. Not bad for an old man, lol. I'd like to know how he became a citizen, I'm sure there must be an interesting story about that.
The main thing is Tesla made it to Kite and he is on the way to the school and now and I look forward to his reaction of the carnage that took place. I like the fact that the murders took place at the supposedly safe haven which makes everything seem more ominous.
It's hard to believe how different the story is compared to how you first envisioned it, I prefer the current story line but I did envision some interaction/conflict with the surface world when I first started reading the story. (Maybe a sequel?) Looking forward to more of your wild imagination, thank you Kio-chii.
| doc2or chapter 7 . 1/26/2015
Another entertaining chapter. I loved Daniel's sarcastic comment to her customer Don, that sure shut him up pretty fast, lol. Then you went from a funny scene right into a sombre, tense and dark scene at the school. You did a wonderful job setting the tone/mood at the school and showed how brave the kids were since they didn't let their fear completely overwhelm them. (I was a little surprised that they were the ones to discover the bodies, I thought they would return and find underworld in an uproar already). I am hoping Derek will recover thanks to Mesma's quick thinking. Also I now know where Kitty gets her name from, I wonder if all the marks are able to do that, sounds like an awesome ability. Can't wait to really see what Trist can do.
Now that the sh*t has hit the fan I think things are going to get much more intense and much more exciting from now on. Great stuff Kio-chii, thank you.
| doc2or chapter 6 . 1/25/2015
Well looks like Trist knows how to take care of herself at least against giant hounds. Interesting to see, despite her lawless upbringing, she felt bad enough to rescue the hound while putting her life at risk. I would think most people being groomed to be the head of the underworld wouldn't give a thought whether the hound lived or died, she was certainly acting more like a normal teenager.
We also get to meet another interesting and mysterious individual, Kestler. I'm wondering how he seems to know about the impending war when others like Kite and Izzy really had no clue, although after that little bloodbath last chapter everybody will know.
And they got to use the bugs to play a little joke on Mask and his bros, so I guess not everyone keep them for pets or is used to them burrowing inside (still creepy). I wonder how many different types of bugs there are down around the underground. Thanks for the chapter.
| doc2or chapter 5 . 1/24/2015
Hey Kio-chii, thanks for the shout out and thanks fior the PM, much excuse me for the following.
HEY PEOPLE OR WHOMEVER IS READING THIS STORY/REVIEW, BE NICE AND SHOW SOME APPRECIATION AND LEAVE THE AUTHOR A REVIEW OR EVEN A SIMPLE THANK YOU. THIS IS A GREAT STORY WITH ADVENTURE, ACTION AS WELL AS A LOT OF HUMOR. IT'S ALSO FAIRLY UNIQUE AND NOT JUST A REHASH OF OVERUSED PLOT LINES. SO GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR BEHINDS AND GIVE SOME FEEDBACK!
Sorry for the rant but I can't believe that nobody except me is enjoying the story. (I guess you know who the lone 'follow and favorite' person is, lol).
Anyways this was quite the action packed chapter. What you did was essentially start a war going from illegal merchandise dealing straight into multiple homicide. I thought your description of Ginger and Miss Pionni's fight was pretty good, fairly easy to follow and visualize. I felt bad for the homicidal Miss Pionni especially since she was a mother and was actually really fond of Trist. That Ginger sounds like a bad-ass, and Trist is going to need some offensive training for sure. I was wondering if we will see the 'dragon' come out when she does get into a serious fight (how they described in chapter 1 that she was able to take out a number of adults). Still not sure what the villain (with the mark) is going to do and why he is murdering people all of a sudden so I hope you will give us some clues pretty soon.
One thing (the only thing) that is not so good are the spelling and grammatical errors (such as spelling mistakes and using the right word but with the wrong spelling making the word mean something else). You probably need a beta or proof reader. They are minor errors but do affect the flow of the story a bit. Not sure if english is your first language or not. Thanks for this chapter!
| doc2or chapter 4 . 1/23/2015
Got to meet a few more denizens of the dark this chapter, including the dolls and the conductors. Shades of Bladerunner, it makes sense that there would be pleasure dolls in the undergound but it sure sounds like it sucks to be them. They pretty much sound like slaves so I was a little surprised Trist cared so much about Tesla and letting him take control of his on happened to the girl that was so inventive in devising a cruel form of punishment?
Conductors were certainly creepy looking, I must say you have a vivid imagination to create them. Makes sense that they would know things most people would not.
Poor Kitty, first Trist and now Mesma, can't resist throwing bugs at her and all on top of her doomed attraction to Mesma. It's funny but it's also sad and its probably for the best since he loves bugs so much. Hmmm I wonder if Trist has crush for anybody special. Thanks for the chapter and don't forget to post another one since you left a bit of a cliffie. :P
| doc2or chapter 3 . 1/23/2015
I was intrigued about this story after chapter 1 although there were so many questions and few answers at that point about Trist and what it means to be 'dragon'. Chapter 2 gave us a great picture of the lawless world and while potentially dangerous seemed normal in a lot of ways (except for the insane murderous teachers, lol). I love the inclusion of the bugs, what they can do with people and what their role is in the underground. Creepy the way people let them burrow into their bodies.
The characters are interesting and humorous. Trist seems like a 'normal' teenager with a loving father although highly trained to take dare of herself until chapter 3, where we really begin to see Kites influence as a cruel sadistic streak shows itself for the first time. Izzy certainly confirms this trait later. I agree that Kitty and her aversion to the bugs is cute (much to her mothers lament) and a humorous vehicle for much teasing on her part.
The plot does indeed thicken after the interrogation and what the prisoner revealed may mean ahead, which I will hopefully find out since I got an email alert for the next chapter. Great story so far, thank you.