1. The opening with smells and orange juice kinda confused me I had no idea what it was talking about but as the story went on I guess it started to make sense
2. "Baby, where are you?" Idk just feel like this line spoils the mood hmm can't think of a better word to replace "baby" though
3. Do whores typically give birth when they end up pregnant hm maybe you can check up what they did in that time cos I'm not very sure either
4. Nice writing quite sophisticated I must say but sometimes the sentences get a bit long (is that for effect?) and I lose track. Also about space and time: you have a message I think just can't get at it (but then again ive only read the story once quickly)
5. Alice munro she has cool slice of life stories like this
6. Also you mentioned Dali somewhere not sure about the reference but Dali is cool yes

What's striking about this story is the extensive use of imagery. More than just a pretty picture, you've managed the feat of telling a story through images, following the point of view of a contemplative character, we take a journey through time and space to follow his story.

The plot itself is slightly cliched and weak, which is understandable for someone who does not truly understand the sorrow of death and lost time in war. However, I do think you've made a commendable effort to deal with the difficult theme of loss and remembrance, which I suppose is heavily inspired from the source of the quote given in the summary. And adding the part about the two queer men was a nice touch.

The strength of this piece therefore lies not in the material itself, but the delivery and technique. There's a certain level of careful precision, thought placed in every scene. There's also a degree of insight and philosophical heft to this piece. Overall, an impressive use of language and an average plot masterfully executed.

Very nicely written, I enjoyed how melancholy the setting felt, and the skipping around in timelines didn't feel rushed or smushed together like most in stories like these.

I thought it very interesting that he referred to the child as "it" instead of he.

His disdain for the mother is understandable, and at times I wondered if he hated or loved her, or both.

All in all its a good story. The only thing I disliked was that it was, at times, hard for me to understand what was going on. And the main charscter's emotions confused me at some points as well. Some of the grammar was off too, but they were very minor mistakes.

One more thing, the dialogue format threw me off. It took me awhile to realize that they were talking in the parts where they were.

I must say Morris, I'm really impressed by this literature. Good job, you have really refined your writing style!

Opening
I think the opening was generally suitable for the theme of the story, ie remembrance, even though we don't actually find out what he is remembering or waiting for until much later. This is because the opening focuses on past grandeur in its description of the station.
Writing
The description in this piece is very detailed, but the tone of the descriptions are melancholic and rather bleak. Even the beauty of his lost love is described in a sad way. Hence, the mood of the story is kept consistent.
Enjoyment
I will talk about 'enjoyment' in terms of my response to the story, because it would be misleading to say that I 'enjoyed' the story in the sense of feeling happy or uplifted after reading it. However, the story certainly did have an effect on my emotions - it made me feel sombre and reflective, and perhaps a little grateful that though I may have my problems, at least I don't have to deal with those like the protagonist's.
Characters
I feel that I should be feeling more sympathetic for the protagonist, yet I don't really have a strong sense of that in spite of his numerous troubles. Perhaps it is because he is portrayed very impersonally - we don't even know his name, or his general appearance. In certain parts, it feels almost like I'm reading the autobiography of a historical figure.

Amazing. How did you do it?
You have so flawlessly blended emotion, setting, and dialogue into unique philosophy.
"Swirling" - your story is a velvet torrent of realism, memories, and interaction - I am so envious of your literary ability! Not only is imagery synchronized meticulously with emotion, but the organization is leveled so smoothly with the language at an incredible level.

seriously dude.

why so sad.

youll meet the girl of your life soon, and if you already have, make sure you chase it, unlike this protagonist.