|Reviews for The Talent Trilogy Book I: Of Darkness and Thieves|
| FictionFox'95 chapter 8 . 12/27/2015
SOOO glad you're still uploading chapters, I've really missed this story!
Great chapter, as the usual. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Ade!
| WaterBudget chapter 3 . 12/22/2015
Random edits and thoughts below (All Caps indicates a typo):
"A huge understatement, Talent THOUGHT" - Yep, this city needs serious help with dangerous gangs running amok.
"At times he wondered why he had HIMSELF" - Aw poor Talent.
"He grabbed a hold of Talent's shoulders" can be "He grabbed Talent's shoulders." Cut out extraneous words to strengthen your writing. There were a lot of "had"s in this chapter as well.
Woah, that jolly man came out of nowhere. Maybe we need some description of his approach? - Also, I feel bad for Wilky. The man had such good intentions...though he was fired? Seems fishy.
Fictionpress has a chapter break function, which is needed here as we switch from Talent to Sera's POV. Alternatively you can use symbols.
I loved Delgard's speech on subtlety and the banter between Sera and Arterus. I also liked what we learn of the magic system in this chapter!
Will keep reading and reviewing soon...
| WaterBudget chapter 2 . 12/22/2015
The street performers are an interesting bunch. The one with the most personality right now is Meldar, but I'm sure the others will be developed further.
Hmm, Talent has been pulled into trouble (brutally branded into it really), and Meldar's revelations about possible war are likely important to the plot. Guess I better keep an eye on those country names...
Please let me know if you want me to nitpick grammar errors, but the errors are few and not distracting.
Enjoying the story so far :)
| WaterBudget chapter 1 . 12/16/2015
You caught me with the summary! I have a soft spot for snarky characters like Talent (I peeked ahead to Chapter 2). The two mage apprentices are cute too...I wonder how old they are? My guess is 14 or 15.
You do throw many terms/names at us, but I'm certain they will be explained in time. The setting description is atmospheric (if a bit generic); I especially liked the bit with the magician.
Some small things:
"The city was alive." It sounds like a grand line but doesn't tell us much. I think the beginning might hook the reader better without it. Your choice of course!
Typo: "It looked like a place WERE things were happening." should be "It looked like a place WHERE things were happening."
And no period is necessary after "F***ing wizards!" That thief gave up so quickly...I guess no one messes with mages!
Will bookmark this for later :D
| FictionFox'95 chapter 7 . 2/26/2015
xD Ageing mercenary, I like that, usually always the background. I suspected that Swordeater was more than he said he is but, is he going to be awesome!? If Talent already knows how to be quick on his feet, and still Swordeater says he needs training. How good is he? I wonder... is he an ex-Cut Throat? He seemed very offended when he saw the brand, unless he just is a normal citizen who doesn't like thieves. Gotta read more :D
| FictionFox'95 chapter 6 . 2/14/2015
I like the Assassin's Creed moves. Awesome way of describing the scenes, very descriptive. Just two extremely small things: When dealing with buildings, it's spelled the same way, story. I used to write storey also, drove my teacher crazy xD
Lastly, when you wrote "But that would lead these two... at the hands of Snarrel" I think you meant "leave" Very small things though. I'm still loving the story, very nice pace and keeps me reading. :D
| FictionFox'95 chapter 5 . 1/24/2015
Ok, there are some big things on the horizon. On one hand, Talent is now a full fledged Cut-Throat but, is still a hesitant thief. It also paints a large target on him for other guilds.
Sera and Arterus also worry me, Sera's curiosity got the better of her and I hope they are ready for wherever that portal takes them. Delgard seems to be a very unsavory character... or it could be just me. xD Big Throat sounds like a much cooler guy than any newcomer would expect. Lol.
| FictionFox'95 chapter 4 . 1/14/2015
Another great chapter. I am wanting to see how Talent could use his... well... talents to help the Cut-Throats. Or will he later side with the mages he ran into before?
| wingedrunner chapter 2 . 12/12/2014
Sorry I didn't finish writing the last review when I acidently hit send (darn these touch screens). Anyway I was trying to say how too many writers forget that at the heart of all writing is storytelling and thats why some explanation to confusing terms are nice. I realy like how you started this story and it has amazing potential. Please keep writing it and I'll keep reading and reviewing.
post script: this /these reviews are over the first three chapters.
| wingedrunner chapter 1 . 12/12/2014
Great start for your story. The first chapter needs a little brushing up I think. It has a few misspelled words, some ajectives where there should be adverbs, ect. I love that your using street preformers they always make interesting charaters and are not over used. Another suggestion for you is not to use so many unfammilar comments such as Fire Bay Seven and the Shadows; while its okay to use a few unfammilar terms too many can be confusing and frustrating to the reader. A common blunder for writers is to forget that even though their story is on paper (or a screen)
| FictionFox'95 chapter 2 . 12/9/2014
Great chapter. Talent's attitude is what a thief's should be, silver tongued and humorously sarcastic. My favorite line was when he asked one of the cutthroats whether he had seen new plays xD I like your style of writing. I have a guess what would happen, is Swordeater one of the cutthroats and somehow knows Talent is branded? I'm exited about what may happen next!
| FictionFox'95 chapter 1 . 12/2/2014
I can't wait to read the next part. I like the originality of the mages only conjuring illusions instead of actual dangerous magic, it makes them rely more on wit, which is unique since mages are usually overpowered. Please, keep writing :D