Reviews for Dreams and Time
m. b. whitlock chapter 1 . 12/20/2014
RG EF #6,376

I like this very atmospheric (and I have to say) abstract piece. It is quiet striking visually and has some lovely language.

Here are my notes:

I really like the opening. It is quite cinematic:
“She didn't seem bothered by the sudden drizzle of raindrops, nor afraid of the shadowy outline of her companion.”

Okay, I hope you don't mind this, but I don't know about your use of “age” here:
“An *age* of awkward silence hung in the air, whimsically blanketed by the easy shower from the skies."
You may be going for alliteration or working on an interesting ‘exchange of lives’ (sub)plot but perhaps consider a slightly more conventional and less labored word like ‘moment’. :) No big, just a suggestion. :)

“"For things not scary. Make things easy. Strong for not-here happy. Like here.””
I think you could work on the shadow man’s stunted dialogue.

Like this!:
“The man calmly pulled the dull silver pocket watch up to his sightline. "Life. Exchange.””
So many cool and freaky possibilities here. ;)

Like this too:
“He would always remember the first time she appeared, a dreamless stranger sitting quietly under the deep grey skies."
Nice symmetry with the opening.

Cool, poetic. Like it!


Beck Keep chapter 1 . 12/7/2014
This is a nice thought piece you have here. I enjoyed how it's left to the viewer to interpret what's going on. I thought of it an unconscious kind of space where the girl keeps wallowing on the same details while her head (or the man in this case) urges her to move on and wake up to one dream. The setting you have is simple in a way that makes it surreal, since there's no real living thing around aside from those two and sets a nice mysterious mood.

One thing I would look out for is your adverbs, meaning words used to describe verbs (usually they end in "ly" like "hurriedly"). Having them every so often is totally fine, but I did get lost a few times with how much there were. That, and I think you could condense a description in a more specific verb. A classic example of this is instead of saying "The woman angrily walked out," try "The woman stormed out." It gives a more absolute to the statement and sounds stronger with one word versus two. Another example from your piece would be "slowly spinning," which something like "twirling" would work.

Overall, great job! You have some really cool ideas and paint a really nice scene.
Cheddar-Graham chapter 1 . 12/6/2014
For the Review Game, Easy Fix

I'll confess that the actual meaning of the story eludes me, but I'm going to try to give my own interpretation. The girl and the man are in some waiting room type place before they go on to their final destination, and somehow the girl has a choice whether to accept her fate or not. The easiest way out would be to say that they're both about to die and the girl can pull through if she wants, all she needs is to be strong. But I won't say it's quite as simple as that. So that's the first thing I like: that this piece raises questions and stimulates my imagination.

The other thing I like is the dialogue - I think the characters' lines suit them well. The girl's words sound childish, and the man's 'broken' English gives him a uniqueness that makes me wonder even more whom he might be, or represent.

Thought-provoking stuff. Not for everyone, but yeah, I liked it in general.
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 1 . 12/5/2014
I probably shouldn't be reviewing this (tired ;_;), but I also admit that this is beautiful - especially, because of the way you describe the setting and manage to match it with the tone of the story. I found that quite gorgeous really, because that's such an effective way of telling us what the characters are feeling, without ever saying anything at all - at least not directly. I especially love your details and descriptions too, because they are simple in terms of prose, but also smooth and incredibly vivid (I especially liked that line about the man slowly matching the dreary, dark background of this world - really haunting imagery there; I also loved your details regarding the watch, because it was all very symbolic and also beautifully handled in terms of vividness).

I didn't find this too abstract really - the dialogue/dialect is maybe a bit difficult to get at first, but it's not rocket science either. In fact, I like the moral of this story, which involves of not wasting your time in a dream but just living, because that's what surviving and being strong is about. I found the girl's outcries of this being unfair understandable though, because I am sure a lot of people feel that way from time to time. I like that you didn't deliver this messages in a didactic fashion, but rather let the reader interpret things. It makes the piece more thought-provoking and open-ended.

I especially like the element of mystery and supernatural to it, and wouldn't mind if you read this again, if you chose to revisit it in the future :)