Reviews for The Sibyl Book 1 : Pestilence
SenatorBlitz chapter 1 . 1/23/2015
hullo, from the roadhouse!

here to review your baby ! i hope that you haven't given up on this story!

things i really liked about this prologue - i loved the amorphous quality of these um shadows? they way you referred to them as the first, the second, and the third, even though, rightly, if i were looking at them in the park i'd never be able to tell which one they were. i also really liked the way that you showed how comfortable they've become with their position, enough that they arent even worried about the coming inquisition and can sit around talking about their food instead of eating it. really really cool. also, for some reason, the phrase 'name her champions' had all sorts of hero stirrings going up in my soul.

in terms of cc: and this is just a bit, while i enjoyed reading this prologue, there wasn't enough of a hook in it. i get a vague sense that these guys are bad and need to be vanquished, but im not attached enough as a reader. perhaps, you could go on to show the person on the bench actually being eaten/munched so that there is more of a shock? that's just my crappy suggestion anyway, heh

Kudos! on to chapter the next one!

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