|Reviews for Beyond the Veil|
| desireosiobe chapter 29 . 8/27/2020
| Leaf chapter 29 . 7/30/2015
What an amazing story! This is what Sword Art Online should have been, instead of the washed-out pseudo-romantic soap opera they animated. Thank you so much for writing and sharing it!
... though it seems you wrote an epilogue then deleted it? I'm sorry I missed it and hope you will post it again.
| koyama chapter 30 . 6/18/2015
you know this is more a horror ending than a happy forever one? (only for your information i am pregnant, to be precise my duedate is next sunday, so maybe it's more horror for me than for others... i don't know). i think next time i rethink reading one of your epilogues (for a better sleep).
p.s. but i liked your story so it's okay (i believe).
| littlemisslibrarian chapter 30 . 6/19/2015
Wow, that ending is frustrating! Flynn is right up there with Umbrige as one of the most despicable villains! Still, great epilogue! Although I wonder why there was a willow tree in California. I don't think a full-grown willow tree can appear spontaneously. And the dog's behavior... open ended indeed!
| littlemisslibrarian chapter 29 . 6/19/2015
Thank you for pointing out where the sex scene is so more prudish readers (like me) can avoid it! Great ending to a great story; the characters really earned their happy endings!
| littlemisslibrarian chapter 25 . 6/18/2015
What were they expecting, making out in public? LOL I like how Remy keeps his brother in check!
| littlemisslibrarian chapter 24 . 6/18/2015
Great song and bonding moment!
| littlemisslibrarian chapter 23 . 6/18/2015
"You useless waste of garbage" sounds like a mixed metaphor
"My stomach did so many flips it felt like it was literally detached" is a bit too lighthearted for the seriousness of the scene.
Other than that, this chapter and the past few ones were excellent! Your writing keeps improving!
| Ray-Anne chapter 29 . 6/15/2015
I just want to say THIS is why I always come back to Fictionpress. I may read all sorts of mediocre work (not bad, never bad, just not publish ready) but every now and again you find a true gem in them. I truly loved this. It had remnants of another book I had read and for the life of me I can no longer find it or recall what it was called (I think I'm too old, or maybe have read too much). Similar idea though, trapped in a virtual game. I have to say though, this was even better than that book I had read, that published book. Not only did this have some true gaming terms (LOVED) but it also actually had quite a bit of character depth. I can imagine with time and whatnot you could have turned that psycho party into a crazy side story (sequel?) and could have really fleshed it out wonderfully. I was kind of fearing it'd turn into everyone has a sob story and whatnot... But you actually did the portrayal accurately. Very accurately. I'll leave that there.
On that note, the therapists scenes were a little off and maybe harsh. Again, I feel like without risk of offending I cannot say more on it.
On a slight criticism. I cannot fathom why it seemed everyone 'spat' or 'snarled' this that and the other; especially at the beginning. I liked that the moodiness progressed out - after all I imagine I would be moody at the beginning too - but it was a little staggering how often someone spat or snarled.
But really, that's minor. You had some spelling errors and grammatical errors scattered but I hardly cared.
It was an absolute gem to read. As a gamer, I salute you.
As a reader, I salute you.
And as a sufferer, it's something to read so accurate, so right - and the transformation was beautiful. For that alone, I could recommend this to anyone.
Well, maybe not anyone. They'd have to ask me to explain gamer reality and terms and then I'd really be known as the geek.
| koyama chapter 29 . 5/19/2015
jo, like i said this was a really well written story and so fast! even so i would've liked to know what'll happen with flynn i think the end was good. she chooses to take her chance and not stay with this pitysome people who call themself parents. ey, it could be me (my parents are/were wonderful people and never wanted to have cash for living in their flat or something like that crap) but i couldn't stand them even in the first chapter. okay, i couldn't stand her mother (she was the only one who was introduced). *lol* i liked your short paragraph about the lawsuits. in this time it's so realistic that a big company like bti would only have to pay money and than everything is okay again. or the media, the questions were terrible. i'd thought it was a good idea to have a similar desing like in the game. with this the memmory wont fade even with time.
i hope you'll write more soon and no if you think to make a sequel or something like this i'd say don't do it. as it is it's really good (nothing to much or not much enough). with this i hope you find an other story under your penname soon.
| DarkInfernoGirl4 chapter 29 . 5/18/2015
Amazing! I loved the story. I only wish they could of talked to their dad about the "hospital bills" he had to pay just so I can see him get wats coming to him. Now I have one last request! Pleeeeeaaaassssseeeeee write and epilogue! Please I really want one! Anyway amazing story I look forward to ur next one!
| koyama chapter 27 . 5/13/2015
this time only a short note -. yeah it's violent and so on but in my opinion it's not to bad. it's not so long ago i was reading something much more violent and believe me that i couldn't finish. i'm no hardcore but i'd say by now i'm no softi too so it has to be pretty violent.
i like it, that you solve flynns disturbing single minded 'love' vor lulu without him raping her. i hate nothing more than a story in which the author use rape as some kind of story impact (i don't know the english word for it) and after this rhe victim has no problems to sleep with the next door nighbor because he/she ist so nice or sexy. that's bullshit. if they have nor better storyline they should stop to write something or at least should research how dramatic something like this ist and so on.
so lily was alive! that's good to know but on the other hand it's bad since everyone thought all the hunters were dead and because of this nobody searched them. and now i know how flynn found that damin is a 'traitor'. but one question didn't tell demin lulu that there is some crazy doc out there? in fact im sure that he told her something like that not so long ago. so why did nobody search for this crazy guy?
so cu koyama
p.s.: sorry for spelling mistakes and so on it's late and my internetconnection is to bad to look if it's written correct.
| DarkInfernoGirl4 chapter 27 . 5/13/2015
I'm so glad Demin is alive! Never though I say that since he was a butt in the beginning for lack of appropriate words. Anyway I loved the chapter. I thought it was good because you ended the mad man right where he stood instead of leading to another aray of that I don't want more chapters but I felt that part didn't need to be dragged out. I'm also glad lily is alive and that she staid true to lulu and helped her til the end. Now if you are having writers block may I say u should bring in a certain revenant or aka the master mind behind the game and let him and lulu meet for the first time in real life.
| koyama chapter 24 . 5/10/2015
puh, i was reading the whole story in one go since (i believe) thursday. what does it say for some peace of written text that has more than 100.000 words?
1.) it's really good (if not i would've stopped (it is a lot text you know)).
2.) even so i wanted to know some things earlier i never went to the last chapter (or another chapter between) to look if the 'end' till than is to my liking. and with this worth enough to continue reading. (in my case this is a good sign that this story is gripping.)
3.) i was more or less sure that lily was some kind of enemy, but not in which kind (in my oppinion she isn't truely dead. i suspect she could connect with lulus brain or something in some kind of way before she died an with this is in some kind of way still alive.).
4.) your tempo in this story is not only really good, it even makes sense! and this is fantastic in my opinion. (more often than not the world gets rescued, the heroine gets the hot boy and kicks some ass without any knowledge of the necessary fighting skills in less than one month or some other shit.)
5.) you don't stay to long on some scenes to disribe it but don't skip informations the reader want to know (and are allowed too 'lol'). i like this a lot.
6.) even now i don't know what will happen next (okay i guess some things but that's it. generelly it's more a feeling that this or that will/wont happen). so every chapter is interessting to read and with this to find a new clue what will happen next/what happens.
now to questions i have:
what's with the real world? or to be more precise can bti or the villain 'watch' what happens in this game or are they as blind as the players in the game?
maybe a random thought, if there is some electricity failure in which the players are now wont they all die? and if, what would this enemy of them have than? if there is no hostage than this person will have no power anymore. bti should be bankrupt shouldn't it? i had some more but at the moment i forgot them so with this i will end my long monologue for now.
with this i hope for a new chapter soon (naturally) and a nice week.
| DarkInfernoGirl4 chapter 24 . 5/7/2015
I had a feeling Demin might be one lol but for him to turn out to by nice was a nice change. Hopefully he doesn't betray them now so that the whole thing is really a trap to kill the last of the GMs.