|Reviews for 99 Bottles|
| werciaforever13 chapter 1 . 1/9/2015
Oh my gosh I love it already. Update again soon!:)
| LDF chapter 1 . 1/7/2015
[It doesn't taste like piss anymore, I've come to appreciate that much, it still does look like it and by the looks of the one I'm drinking, it's definitely a dehydrated persons piss.]
Statements end in periods, not commas.
["I'm curious, shouldn't a married, or engaged," he paused to raise a questioning brow at me,]
'paused' isn't a speech verb, so there should be a period rather than a comma inside the quotes. And 'he' should be capitalized.
[What are your thoughts on all three characters as of right now?]
It's hard when only one of them gets a name. Even stranger is that none of the more prominent characters actually hand out this information at the very end, which would be very helpful if she does call him and say 'yeah, I'm that person you met at the bar'.
Besides that, I do like the dialogue between them. It sometimes was a little hard to read who said what, since sometimes the actions a character makes and their speech stood in its own separate paragraph. The guy is raising a lot of red flags, yes - nice of her to point this out - so I wonder what makes her interested in pursuing him. There's a lack of reflection on her part in this.
Overall, it was enjoyable! Good job!